We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Olivia Withers a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Olivia, thanks for sitting with us today to chat about topics that are relevant to so many. One of those topics is communication skills, because we live in an age where our ability to communicate effectively can be like a superpower. Can you share how you developed your ability to communicate well?
For a long time, I believed that caring deeply about others was enough to develop closeness in relationships. But over time I struggled to create meaningful connections with my family and friends and often felt misunderstood by them. My need to feel seen, heard, and ultimately understood led me to pursue personal growth. I began drawing heavily on the work of authors like Brené Brown and Dr. Nicole LePera, who helped me see communication as a skill rooted in self-awareness.” In her book “Atlas of the Heart,” Brené Brown quotes philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein who stated, “The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.” That idea stayed with me because it perfectly captured what I experienced in my relationships. Early on, I struggled to fully connect with others—not for lack of love, but lack of skill. It wasn’t until I began doing deeper personal work, including reading “How to Do the Work,” by Dr. Nicole LePera, that I realized how disconnected I was from myself. The writings of both Brown and LePera helped me see that self-awareness is foundational: if you don’t know yourself—what you feel, what you believe, and what you need— you can’t communicate your inner world to others.
Through formal education and personal exploration, I committed to that process and started to unpack my emotional landscape—first learning to sit with difficult emotions, expanding my emotional vocabulary, becoming more fluent in identifying nuanced feelings, and finally expressing myself with both clarity and compassion.
As I developed in emotional intelligence, my communication shifted from being reactionary or vague to being intentional and clear. Instead of saying, “You made me upset,” I began expressing things like, “I felt disregarded when I shared something personal and you quickly changed the conversation.” I also became more mindful of affirming positive experiences—letting others know when I felt valued or connected. Over time, my relationships deepened, and those who were also on their own self-awareness journeys met me in that space of mutual growth and honesty. Over time, I began to experience more depth, trust, and emotional safety with those around me.
As a licensed professional counselor working with individual adults, I bring this framework into my clinical work every day. Whether they come in with anxiety, depression, trauma, or relational concerns— romantic, familial, or even parenting-related—we start with emotional intelligence. I help clients understand why they think, feel, and respond the way they do. From there, we add communication strategies so they can begin to advocate for their needs, repair broken connections, and respond to stress and conflict with clarity instead of shutting down or retreating. Communication is not just about talking—it’s about knowing yourself well enough to be known by others. That, to me, is at the heart of bonding and living in partnership with others.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
The work that I do at Lifestyle Counseling centers around the idea that your most difficult emotions and experiences aren’t signs of weakness — they’re invitations to deeper strength and self-understanding. As a Licensed Counselor serving Maryland, Virginia, and Washington, D.C., I work with individual clients who are ready to explore how their past experiences, especially childhood trauma, have shaped their present lives. It’s deeply rewarding to walk alongside people as they build emotional awareness, heal old wounds, and learn to meet their needs with compassion and clarity.
What makes this work special to me is the genuine transformation that happens when someone stops trying to “fix” themselves and starts understanding and accepting all the parts that make them human. Therapy isn’t about becoming a different person — it’s about coming home to yourself, with gentleness and resilience. Currently, I’m welcoming new clients who are looking for a safe space to do this deeper work — to slow down, reconnect with their feelings, and create sustainable changes that ripple through every area of their lives.
Outside of the therapy room, my life is full of the same joys and challenges that many of my clients experience: partnering with my spouse to raise three energetic tweens, soaking up family time, and finding pockets of creativity and peace wherever I can. I believe healing is not just possible — it’s already unfolding, often in the quiet, everyday moments we choose to honor ourselves.
Potential clients can find me at www.oliviawithers.com and connect with me by scheduling a free 15-minute consultation. You can also find me on Instagram @iamoliviawithers for more resources, insights, and encouragement.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
The three qualities that have been most impactful in my personal and professional journey are emotional intelligence, self-compassion, and the ability to reparent myself.
Building emotional intelligence came from doing deep internal work—processing childhood wounds like rejection, abandonment, shame, and worthlessness. It meant learning how to sit with painful emotions without judgment, expanding my emotional vocabulary, and connecting the dots between my feelings, needs, and behaviors. Self-compassion was the bridge that allowed me to prioritize myself without shame—to recognize that my needs for growth, safety, and significance were not indulgences, but necessities for living a connected and meaningful life. Reparenting myself meant learning to meet my emotional needs—through self-exploration, creative expression, and playfulness—followed by nurturing my mental well-being and supporting my physical health with nutrition, exercise, and rest. Living intentionally to support my needs allowed me to stop seeking external validation and start building an internal foundation of safety and self-worth.
For anyone early in their journey, my advice would be to start with curiosity and kindness toward yourself. Healing isn’t about “fixing” what’s broken—it’s about tending to the parts of you that have been neglected or misunderstood. Learn to listen to your emotions without rushing to solve them. Practice identifying and naming your needs. Lean into relationships where mutual growth and emotional safety are valued. And most importantly, allow your story, in all of its complexity, to be worthy of love and acceptance. That’s where true change begins.
Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?
The most influential person in my journey has undoubtedly been my husband. When we met, we were both deep into personal growth, healing from childhood wounds, and working on emotional intelligence, communication skills, and developing healthier ways of relating to ourselves and others. We were both intentional about changing old patterns — from how we communicated, to how we parented, to how we approached our individual and shared needs. Meeting him almost felt serendipitous — not because life suddenly became perfect, but because I finally had a partner who understood the depth of the internal work and was committed to growing alongside me. We were able to put everything we had been learning into practice and build a relationship rooted in trust, vulnerability, and respect.
Now, as we continue on our journey together, we practice what we preach. We communicate openly and honestly, with a deep respect for each other’s needs and growth. We each take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and decisions, and embrace each other fully, without judgment. He supports me in honoring my need for self-care, time alone, and balance, while always encouraging me to prioritize my goals. Together, we champion each other’s growth and success, creating a partnership where we both feel seen, valued, and loved in every interaction. It’s a relationship unlike any I’ve ever experienced, and his ongoing support allows me to continue showing up as my authentic self, both in our marriage and in every other part of my life.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.oliviawithers.com
- Instagram: @iamoliviawithers.com
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