Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Paula Gardner . We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Hi Paula , we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
As I’m laying in a cabin surrounded by snow and beautiful mountains in flagstaff Arizona I feel a sense of protection pondering the question “How did you develop your confidence and self-esteem?” And I allow the tears to bubble up.
This is a tender question for a woman who used to apologize for literally everything. I had a friend tell me one time to “stop apologizing for breathing Paula”.
This is also a practice now that I have used to develop my confidence… to allow emotions versus shame them. To honor all parts of myself.
Previously, I had zero clue of my value or how to take up space.
When I was in the mental state of constantly feeling like I was not good enough and in environments where that was perpetuated and reinforced, the ability to have confidence and self esteem was squashed down as a person in their divine and unique power is seen as a threat to those who have are not confident within themselves.
I have since come to understand, our environment and nervous system regulation is everything.
I have rebuilt my life in a way that feels so good to my soul and my relationships are reciprocating ones.
To rebuilt there also must be a destruction of what isn’t for us. Part of ourselves that are ready to grow get to be seen and loved. I believe that many of us can become fearful of the destruction when it’s actually such a beautiful part of the process.
My tears this morning are tears of joy and feeling so much pride for my perseverance and not giving up on what I knew to be possible for life. What I knew to be possible and have embodied the last few years is internal contentment and an unwavering love of self. To me this is the definition of confidence and self esteem. Internal peace and freedom.
Love of self. Honoring of self. Appreciation and so much enjoyment for this life and the soul that resides inside your body. A holistic love of self. A body, mind, and spirit love that is as unwavering.
This is self esteem. This is confidence without any need to fluff.
When we have nothing to prove we are free. When we know we will be ok no matter what we are free. When we are free. We are whole and wholeness creates a way to move through life that is seen and felt by everyone and this is when you become magnetic.
And a magnetic life is so fun to live because the confidence your exude attracts the right situations to you.
How did I actually develope my confidence and self esteem thought?
I made hard decision after hard decision until they were not hard any more.
I decided to live my life differently than what I was taught until it wasn’t different anymore. Until peace was the baseline.
And I protected that peace no. matter. what.
Peace and joy is my priority.
Some of the hard (until they werent hard) decisions included leaving the Mormon religion, being the first person in my family to divorce, raising three sons on my own, starting a business hosting retreats around the world, learning really good boundaries, turning off all news channels, getting in tune with my body, and learning to recieve true love after so much heart break.
And in those actions I came to realize over and over again that….
There is zero wrong movement. I have either learned from so many “failures” (I believe we all need to fail more) and now my environment is such fertile soil to grow in.
My younger years and young adult life looked decent on the outside yet was full of self doubt and trauma. I equate this to bad soil. My life followed the paths that I took thinking if I just did what I was told or did what everyone else needed then I would be… loved.
Little did I know at that time that martyrdom and self pity was actually my way of keeping myself small and not acknowledging and accepting my own powerhouse self.
You see if I could “blame” my lack of confidence on someone else then I did not have to look in the mirror. This ah ha moment came after years of therapy to work through the traumas of why I choose what I choose. And I still have light bulb moments often. I just recently had a good friend call me out regarding how I was showing up (justifying something that should not be justified) in a particular relationship and I was so grateful for her.
Listening to the correct people (the ones who have proven themselves as true friends) can catapult us so much. They help us see our blind spots in loving ways and are priceless. They also help us see our goodness at times when we may have forgotten.
A big beautiful mirror I got to face over and over again is not to self blame. We cannot gaslight ourselves and expect to heal from environments where trauma occurred.
Walking both worlds of empowerment and self responsibility while simultaneously honoring all the pieces that get to be loved on is so important.
This became easy after I developed a process of reparenting and inviting in all aspects of self without any shame or blame. I’ve combined my university studies of psychology & social work with my trainings in yoga, shamanic practices, breath work, access consciousness, and different styles of meditations and having enough evidence to trust my intuition.
I have found what creates an internal environment to truly live a life full of self confidence is to release any pain that is directed towards yourself and others and then so much freedom becomes the new normal.
We can not shame ourselves into change yet we can love ourselves into our next evolution.
For me being an embodied example is the most important thing in how I define confidence and leadership. You cannot fake real confidence and self esteem. I believe the “fake it until you make it” is not the best route to take as it encourages “fakeness” when the world and the majority of people I speak with are craving more embodied leadership, vulnerability, and authentic connection. Connection to self is step one in confidence.
My path down this road started because of some medical issues that occurred and seeing my young children start to become like an environment that was not good. So I gathered up all my courage and made some massive hard decisions, changed almost everything, and learned a lot in the process.
I learned to trust myself in the worst odds, and that is the greatest ushering in of confidence.
Now I love to stand for and with people connecting to themselves, to expand their horizons and confidence, and to love and honor themselves.
I have the honor to facilitate this through my coaching and retreat business in both the on line and in person experiences. I have travelled all over the world facilitating profound transformations and I am still in awe every single time at what occurs and how the ripples continue.
When we love ourselves, the world loves us back… and we get to give the people who come in contact with us permission to be fully authentic and blossom in their own confidence as well.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
Hello! I’m Paula, AKA mom, financial planner, energy practitioner, facilitator & world traveler. To you, however, think of me as a paradigm shifter and ignition switch to expansion. I hold a passionate belief that each of us, whether an individual or a business, possesses the potential for a deeply fulfilling and purposeful journey. I’m all about embracing your unique essence and aligning your path with your inner truth. I’m drawn to vibrant flow and find it challenging to exist in or grow from dense energy. At the core of my approach is the idea that spiritual concepts such as energy medicine can be firmly rooted in everyday reality blending the spiritual with the practical. My guiding philosophy is that transformation can be as swift or gradual as you choose and as effortless or challenging as you make it. It all comes down to your lens and approach, determining whether transformation not only occurs but also endures. Through my own life’s journey, which spans everything from earning my Bachelors Degree in Psychology, working as a practitioner in several healing modalities to spending 20 years in financial planning, I’ve discovered that enjoying the process and embracing the inner child’s playful curiosity is the key to sustaining impactful change. In my work, I’m committed to providing non-judgmental yet honest space for my clients so they can explore their inner world, discover their unique path, put that into action and embark on a journey of thriving.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Learning to trust ourselves and in that getting to be fully honest with yourself is number one. We are so trained to listen to all the “experts” and ignore our inner compass that sometimes we do not even realize what we want. So, what do YOU want to experience in your life? Then trust that and set your compass to follow that with your actions. This was massive for me. To let go of all expectations from others and society and to truly go inwards and ask myself what I desires in life. For me it was all about the quality of my connections with myself, my children, and those closest to me, exploring this world and experiencing all the beauty here.
Get to a good coach or therapist to heal (aka love) on any traumas that may present themselves to keep you from taking the actions towards how you want to experience life. This will make the journey so much faster and with the right support so much more fun. This is what I love to bring to the space of transformation… fun and celebration!
Know that it will never ever ever be perfect and that is prefect. Life is clunky. We are clunky. We get to have solid boundaries around what we will not tolerate and open to receive all the rest. When we trust ourselves with our hearts our hearts have the ability to open to deep connections and in deep connections miracles happen often. Expect miracles for yourself not perfection.
Okay, so before we go, is there anyone you’d like to shoutout for the role they’ve played in helping you develop the essential skills or overcome challenges along the way?
My community of friends and mentors. I do not have a supportive or close family. They literally believe I am in cults so my community has been essential for me. It would be easy for me to give up and just be in victim mode all the time. The connections I have made over the last 8 years have seen me, witnessed my greatness at times I could not see it, uplifted my soul in the most beautiful and important ways.
Success to me equates to the quality of my relationships.
I am also surrounded by powerful creators who have the knowledge to be successful in ways that expands them not drains them. This has also been vitally important for me. Choosing that uplifts not drains.
Also having 20 years financal planning has helped with the abundance factor. Paying ourselves first to compound interest (in all the ways) is so important!
Contact Info:
- Website: https://paulaburt-international.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iam_paulaburt?igsh=MTV4ZmE0bTFmcDg1MQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/ywLXeboQ26NmrtFM/?mibextid=%22%22
- Other: https://sailingactivations.wixsite.com/sailing-activations
Image Credits
Abby Wilks photography
