We were lucky to catch up with Pepz Javier recently and have shared our conversation below.
Pepz, we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?
Thank you so much for having me! Such a good question. Now, the short answer is that I was completely unconfident, and I had abysmal self-esteem. Being unconfident was really what helped me build my confidence.
It’s interesting because when I was a child up until college, I didn’t have struggles with confidence and self-esteem. I was always pretty open, outgoing, bold, and adventurous. However, when I attended New York University, there were a few events—from getting assaulted, going broke, and beginning to pursue my dance career—that completely destabilized me. So much so that I ended up falling into relationships (romantic, platonic, and business) that, in hindsight, did a really good job at picking me apart. For example, an ex of mine told me during our date, when I shared that I was beginning to get coaching clients of my own, that he didn’t believe I could be a coach, let alone a good one, because I wasn’t necessarily good at anything.
Another instance was after auditioning for a dance training program where auditions were held in LA, NY, Europe, and virtually. I left feeling really great about myself, and a former friend of mine completely picked my audition apart, and without having asked her for feedback, she stated that “I wasn’t very good.” The ironic part became that I was one of the select few that was accepted into the program.
I say this because the biggest contributing factors to my confidence falling apart was my environment. My environment was both the cause and the solution to my problem. To become the confident person that I now am, I completely redesigned my environment and invested large amounts of time, energy, and money into personal development (via coaches, seminars, and education).
But going back to my environment, when I realized I that my environment was filled with others who were quick to find all of my flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings without offering any solutions or ways to improve, I got rid of them. As a coach, artist, and as a man, I am entirely pro-feedback, yet it has to be delivered in an effective manner. In order for me to become this version of Pepz—the one that is confident, free, and successful—I had to redesign my environment. And at times, that meant that the only people I would listen to were the coaches I would hire or a speaker on a podcast. Because the other thing, outside of environment being critical that helped me cultivate my confidence, is the belief that we attract people and experiences based on how I viewed myself. So, since I had been attracting so many negative people and events, I began questioning myself. I would ask myself questions like “why would I attract these types of people into my life?” “What does this relationship reflect about my mindset?” “How do I feel about myself?” “Do I even like myself?” “Do I think I’m good at this?”
And when I realized my answers were not those of a positive and confident person, then I decided to LITERALLY change the answers. And I do mean literally. You see, questions are such a powerful tool because every time our minds are posed with a question, it is forced to find an answer. So, the more specific the question, the more specific the answer. Additionally, practices like scripting (handwriting your responses) reinforce your responses both mentally and physically. When I answered those questions the second time around, I wrote them AS IF I was confident. And I made those answers the basis of how I wanted to be, how I wanted to speak, how I wanted to act, how I wanted to be treated, and I became very rigid with that. Meaning, I would no longer tolerate being spoken to or treated in a way that made me feel bad, internally, or externally.
True confidence begins with what’s going on in between your ears and how you feel about yourself and life. Throughout my journey to becoming confident, I deeply studied the science behind confidence and how to use goals, habits, fashion, and body language to build it. So much so that I’ve committed myself to becoming a Confidence Coach. When I coach my clients, whether they know they want to work on their confidence or they have a more tangible goal in mind, at one point or another, the topic of confidence arises. It has been my experience and now belief, that we only accomplish the goals that we are confident about – the goals that we feel are possible for us to accomplish. The issue for most people is not whether the goal is possible, but rather if it’s possible for them. That’s why when I work with my clients, specifically those who know they could have better confidence, we link their goals to the question of “how would that make you feel should you accomplish this goal.” Once we are clear as to why this goal is important and how it can affect us, the pursuit of that goal, especially when it is accomplished, will instill a greater sense of self-confidence.
And I want to leave you with this confidence is not a personality type, it is a skill and an attribute that can be cultivated. What I teach my clients is that confidence is self-love, self-trust, and self-care. To really believe in yourself, you must really practice the three aforementioned items, because we all deserve to feel and be our best.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
This question is quite a challenge for me because I’m essentially building two businesses and working on several projects. I wear the hat of an artist – actor, dancer, model. Outside of that, I am a Confidence & Career Coach coaching and conducting corporate trainings through my personal development company, Pep Talk with Pepz. Whether it’s in entertainment or personal development, my goal is to inspire and inform as many people as possible, that their dreams are possible.
In terms of projects, I’m currently immersed in a few exciting ventures. Firstly, I’m working on my first EP. I’m super thrilled about this because music holds a special place in my heart, and the creative process rejuvenates me. I’m taking my time with it, aiming to create art that reflects a very specific story in a very specific way. Separately, I’m preparing for the release of my first online course, “Get To Your Goal,” scheduled for January 2024. This course delves deep into all aspects needed not just to set goals but also to accomplish them. Additionally, there’s my upcoming book, “Stop Killing Time,” a time management guide. Based on feedback from a few readers who received an advanced copy, it offers a fun and innovative take on the subject, filled with my original strategies that I’ve compiled since I began researching and teaching time management back in 2014. I’m aiming for a quarter-four 2024 publishing timeline for “Stop Killing Time.”
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Great question. If I had to pick three qualities of mine that I have always possessed for as long as I can remember, they would be creativity, resourcefulness, and resiliency. I think those three qualities of mine were fostered by my upbringing and my environment. If somebody wanted the short answer as to how to develop these, I would recommend hiring a coach or joining a mastermind, in which the environment encourages the participants to find and/or develop a solution to their problems, while only providing a solution under very specific circumstances. Growing up an immigrant from a developing nation, the Dominican Republic, I benefitted from my parents working incredibly hard at everything they did – from when they worked at factories and restaurants to eventually becoming teachers in the public school system, they not only showed me how to work hard but they also didn’t sugarcoat challenges for my siblings and me. Because of this, they would not allow us to give up and if we were stuck with a problem, we had to find some sort of solution to move forward – for them “I don’t know” was an unacceptable answer…it was just a pitstop to the solution. To me my upbringing helped me really developed these three qualities and I would say for others to develop these or improve upon these, especially as an adult would require a drastic overhaul of their environment and to work with a coach that would help foster these. But to this, it is my professional opinion, that this person must really develop a great deal of humility in order to be coached and challenged in such a way.
In short, what I am getting at, is creating an environment when you are forced to grow. Setting goals that stretch you. I always tell my clients, the goals that anybody should set should have at least a 50% success ratio and upon setting it, one should have NO clue as to how to set it. But if it’s important enough, it will cause you to act and therefore grow. Some questions, I have my clients who work with me in my group course “Get To Your Next Level Bootcamp” or 1:1 Long-term program, “The Process,” that help develop these very same qualities range from “If I did know how to do this, what would be a possible starting point,” or “who do I know that has accomplished something similar that perhaps I can reach out?”
To summarize: create an environment that raises the stakes and set massive goals are key strategies for personal development.
Looking back over the past 12 months or so, what do you think has been your biggest area of improvement or growth?
2023 was a year of profound emotional healing that allowed me to develop such a level of openness and peace unlike ever before. Because of this, I have been able to become a much more compassionate person which has affected everything I do. As a performer, especially as an actor, I am so emotionally available. As a person, especially as a man, I am able to really express love, especially platonically without fear or reservation. And as a coach, I am able to tap into vulnerability WHILE also holding my clients accountable and capable. I didn’t even realize this level of emotional centeredness was even a possibility because I had never really witnessed it, or at least not up close. So, this emotional healing and newfound emotional maturity and openness, has been my biggest improvement and greatest blessing.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.peptalkwithpepz.com
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/pepz_javier
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pepz/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIHY4Ncx8qC2JzeCnyYtW3Q
- Other: Mailing List: http://eepurl.com/hJGDiT
Image Credits
Madison Truscan Luis Guanzon AJ Calloway
