We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Rachel Rouse. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Rachel below.
Hi Rachel, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
My teen years were full of loud punk music and aggressive political dialogue with anyone I could trick into engaging. Misanthropy was oozing from my existence and, quite frankly, being around me was not a particularly good time. I was mad at the world – and beating the hell out of strangers in a moshpit who I knew would pick me up if I fell was the closest I could get to feeling hopeful about humanity. Then my son was born. And while my general outlook on society hadn’t really changed all that much – holding this tiny human being in my arms did wash away some of my cynicism. I wanted kindness, and gentleness, and a world full of hope for him, and I knew that had to start with me.
So my all black everything and piercing were neatly put away to hold space for something completely different. From that moment I shifted into being the only adult I had ever fully looked up to: Ms. Frizzle.
Emulating someone else was an enlightening experience, especially when I tried to be like Ms. Frizzle. While I enjoyed her hopeful and enthusiastic nature, I realized it wasn’t entirely me. Trying to be someone else led to frustration and falling short of my own expectations. So, I embraced my genuine self, keeping the aspects of Ms. Frizzle I loved but also blending in my punk identity. This authenticity empowered me as a parent, making me feel genuinely present for my child and transforming my whole life for the better.
To undergo this transformative shift, and accept myself fully for who I am, punk meets Ms. Frizzle meets avid napper – I had to reevaluate my values. I recognized that discussing and defining authentic values as actionable principles were crucial for meaningful change. It was essential to go beyond mere beautiful words on paper and truly understand what values guided my life. This understanding allowed me to align my actions with my beliefs, making my parenting journey more fulfilling and empowering.
So to truly develop a sense of confidence I had to lose my identity and reflect on this:
What were the values I was raised with? Which of those did I love, which do I want to part ways with?
What are the values I hold deeply and want to be part of my life?
And once I discovered what those are -(kindness, community, nature, fun, if you were wondering) I was able to embrace them. I was able to live a life where my actions and decisions were heavily based around my values, the things most important to me. And when I was able to fully embrace that, I was able to fully embrace myself.
How could I not love myself and feel confident in myself when my life is curated around the things that I find most valuable in this world?
If you are trying to develop healthy self esteem – start to name your values and put them into action.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
I’m the founder of Emerge Coaching – I support parents and caregivers in developing stronger bonds with their child – AND I support small business owners in clarifying their mission.
Feels like a weird combination, doesn’t it?
Well, to me, it’s not.
In both of these roles I am here to support people in building sustainable, impactful, and healthy lives that they already desire. That they have the VISION for, but need help in developing clarity and harmony around.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
In my journey the most impactful qualities and skills are:
– My ability to curate harmony and identify dissonance. When people speak to me they share their biggest thoughts – I am able to help them create a harmonious image of all those big ideas.
– Active Listening – my willingness to hear people and to listen to understand, instead of to respond, has allowed me to support those I serve and develop additional skills
– My ability to cultivate the strengths of others and push them in a direction in which they can be successful.
Leaning into those things have genuinely transformed my life – but they aren’t the skills everyone has.
I do believe everyone needs to better engage in active listening and asking deep follow up questions for clarity – this will get rid of so many of the challenges you have. My advice on learning this skill is, simply, to practice. Partake in conversations and work on not sharing your own input – instead put the phone away, shut off and distractions, listen deeply, and ask clarifying questions of another person.
For the other two I have listed – those my not be your skillset – and I always encourage people to lean into what makes THEM special. So, to be the best version of yourself, to build yourself up for your own bold journey, I would encourage you to a skills assessment of some sort. Strengths Finders is my personal favorite, and then lean heavily into those skills and really allow yourself to shine.
Before we go, maybe you can tell us a bit about your parents and what you feel was the most impactful thing they did for you?
I love this questions because it wasn’t until recently I discovered how much I valued this.
When I was growing up my mom had this tendency to always take the other siblings side when there was a fight between them and I. What I didn’t know until much later, was that she did the same thing to my other siblings.
While I was always heard and understood, I was also, pretty much always “in the wrong”, then she would go to my other sibling, whom I fought with, make them feel heard and seen, but also let them know they were “in the wrong”.
It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s that my sister Bekah and I were having a conversation and she said “it’s SO annoying that mom always takes your side – it’s like you can do no wrong.”
I stopped in my tracks. “Excuse me?” I said to her, ready to fight if I’m being honest. And as we talked through it we realized that my mom never truly took a side. She just took the OTHER side.
While I maybe would tweak this approach as a parent coach – I value the fact that my mom put so much effort into forcing her children to:
1) learn to accept being wrong in a situation and
2) actively learn to perspective take for other people.
This has allowed me to be held accountable for my own actions much more easily and reflect on how other people could perceive situations. Those two things made my relationships deeper and conflicts much easier to resolve over the years.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.emergefamilycoaching.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emergefamilycoaching/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/emergefamilycoach/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/public-profile/settings?trk=d_flagship3_profile_self_view_public_profile
- Other: https://www.tiktok.com/@emergecoaching?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc
Image Credits
Emily Witt
