We recently connected with Raven Miles and have shared our conversation below.
Raven, we’re thrilled to have you sharing your thoughts and lessons with our community. So, for folks who are at a stage in their life or career where they are trying to be more resilient, can you share where you get your resilience from?
⁃ As I’m preparing for this article I’ve just realized it’s exactly a year ago I was diagnosed with Alopecia Areata and Lupus Nephritis. One of the scariest times in my life. I didn’t know what this diagnosis meant, how it would affect my body and my acting career. I was scheduled to film a National commercial just 24 hours after receiving the diagnosis and finding a bald spot the size of a softball on my scalp. So many questions went through my mind within those first couple hours. I was in denial, worried my organs would shut down, would I have a seizure, worried about what my future looked like and if I’d be recast and kicked off set because of my hair quality. I’m proud to say what never crossed my mind was “I should back out out the commercial”.
I didn’t realize how resilient I was until I was faced with the most difficult year of my life. Coming to terms with my diagnoses and the professional challenges of the strike. I think there’s multiple places I pull from. God and my faith keep me focused on a bigger purpose. My family and knowing they have my back no matter what life throws at me. My friends helping me and encouraging me when I feel lost and lastly some place deep down within me that won’t let me give up. Even when I can’t fathom living with this pain, even when I’m so tired I can’t move a muscle, when my mental health is fighting itself, even when physically and mentally I may have given up some place inside me keeps me taking one step at a time. A combination of those qualities have helped me get through the roughest times in my life and persevere through this challenging year.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
Spreading the word about you.
* Professionally it was turning out to be a very promising year! I booked multiple commercials and Dubbing Projects with Netflix and Hulu. I recently joined SAG, a goal I had been working on for a few years. I wrote my first TV series based on my life growing up in the world of football. I was just starting to pitch it and then the strike happened which halted all union productions. Having more free time gave me a chance to truly focus on my health and get a handle on the news that I had just received. My goals going forward are to get my TV series picked up, to book a role on a series and in a feature film and to work with the Lupus community and premature baby foundations.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Three most important qualities or skills or knowledge that were most impactful in your journey. What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey.
I feel a bit strange answering this question as the last 12 months were the hardest of my entire life. I was so depressed I couldn’t get out of bed most days. Every day tasks felt unachievable. I couldn’t see a future ahead, my hair/body didn’t seem to be getting any better and I couldn’t recognize myself. I had become a stranger in my reaction to things, the way I looked and the way I felt. I didn’t know who this person was and couldn’t escape. To think of the “skills” feels like I’m giving myself too many props, because most days I felt like I was only going through the motions, trying to survive! As I’m answering this question, I’m realizing maybe that is a “skill” and often times we are too hard on ourselves.
I’m happy to say that now I am no longer severely depressed or anxious. Of course there will be difficult days but when I feel it creeping back in, I don’t allow it to control me. I’m starting to feel like myself again and enjoy moments, my hair is growing in and I have a better understanding of how I handled everything. I’m still learning to live with Lupus and have accepted that it will be a lifetime lesson. However I am not letting it stop me from my personal and professional goals. Some of the tools that I used to help me get back to myself were:
#1. Therapy – therapy can be a great tool to help you express yourself and find coping mechanisms. However, it only works if YOU do! So if you don’t advocate for a therapist that fits you, if you don’t put in the work and try the tasks asked of you … therapy won’t work for you. My best piece of advice is stick with it. Just when you think it’s ridiculous and you’re not getting anything out of it, BAM you realize it’s actually helping you.
#2 . Being honest with yourself. If I was having a bad day and I thought everything sucked I would say that out loud. If I didn’t know what I was doing and felt like a failure I would say it. If I keep it inside I have learned those emotions are going to be felt by my body. Trust me, I realize that by saying something out loud it doesn’t change the outcome right away but it does release some of the pressure. Pressure of that emotion and pressure of having to do everything “ right “.
#3. Control the controllables. Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing if my hair will fall out again, if i will become bald, if my organs will shut down, how this will affect my dating life, career, self esteem etc but what I can control is my workouts, my eating, my attitude and who I surround myself with. I can try and be the healthiest version of me with what I can control.
#4. Sharing happiness and love. For me this came in the form of my therapy dog, Apollo. Caring for someone else taught me I was just a small part of this universe. It gave me a reason to get up each day. I had to get up to walk him and feed him. Pouring into someone or something else not only builds your self esteem, it gives you a sense of pride and meaning.
Thanks so much for sharing all these insights with us today. Before we go, is there a book that’s played in important role in your development?
What book has played an important role in your development and what were a few of the most valuable nuggets of wisdom?
The book that has completely changed my life is Goodbye Lupus by Dr. Brooke Goldner. It was gifted to me by an amazing friend and has no doubt saved my life. If you are going through any sort of health diagnosis I highly recommend this book. She has great free information online as well. This book has taught me how to change my diet and be able to reverse my symptoms. Since changing the way I eat I’ve gotten a handle on my binge eating, I’ve curbed my sugar cravings and best of all significantly reduced my symptoms! Of course before starting any significant diet change you should check with your doctor but I truly believe nutrition is medicine.
Contact Info:
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