We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Rayne Satterfield a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Rayne, so great to have you on the platform. There’s so much we want to ask you, but let’s start with the topic of self-care. Do you do anything for self-care and if so, do you think it’s had a meaningful impact on your effectiveness?
My self-care looks very different than it did four and more years ago. Having a baby will really turn things upside down! The ways I care for myself continue to change with each season of my life. And I continue to learn more about what it even means to practice self-care. To get to it, currently my self-care consists of journaling, going to therapy, reading, crafting, being in nature, yoga, cycling, resting, and spending time with friends and family…. to name a few.
I feel the need to define what self-care means to me so the activities I listed have more context. Maybe it’s a similar definition that most have, but for me self-care is listening to myself and then giving myself what I need. It’s about noticing what takes from my energy bank and finding ways to restore that energy. Self-care is really simple. Sometimes I do absolutely nothing. Just sitting on my porch, staring off, listening to the outside world is what I need. I don’t have to spend a lot of money or even a lot of time. It’s often the little, consistent things I do throughout every single day that make the impact. I try to imagine feeling balanced within the different dimensions of my life (emotional, relational, occupational, physical, spiritual, financial, intellectual, and recreational). To say this simply, I’m helping my overall wellbeing to feel balanced and regulated.
To speak to how this has impacted my effectiveness, plainly- I wouldn’t be able to function well as a parent, a therapist, a wife, a friend, or a family member if I did not practice self-care. I would likely be in a state of chronic burnout and highly anxious and stressed. Self-care is essential for me to be the best version of myself, or even an acceptable version of myself each day.
It’s part of my value system to be present, engaged, and connected with the people I care about, as well as feeling good in my own body. If I want to maintain my relationships and be fulfilled in them, I need to care for myself. If I want to be a caring and effective therapist, I need to take care of myself. I’m not only able to show up for how my clients need me, but I’m also living an example and doing what I teach. All aspects of my life involve relationships, whether it’s with others or with myself. I simply cannot be effective in my relationships if I’m not practicing self-care. That might look like focusing too much or too little on my clients and my family and burning myself out or already being burned out and in a place of disconnection.
So, when practicing self-care, I have more self-awareness and can adjust my life and my expectations to be more balanced. I can communicate when I need a break and have more insight about what my mind and body need. I can be connected, present, and emotionally regulated with my family, friends, and clients. I can pursue my interests and passions. I can feel fulfilled and content.
Now I just need to add- I am not this perfect self-care superstar. And this lovely image of what self-care helps me to be is not my everyday reality. I want to be real and say that it’s really hard to practice self-care consistently and when we need it. Even with self-care I have (plenty of) off days and don’t get it right. Because that’s life and I’m human. I do know that with compassion for myself and trying again tomorrow or next week, I’m still making it. If all I can do is be gentle with myself and remind myself I’m human and I’ll get through this…. I’m also taking care of myself. So, yeah, self-care is taking breaks from my responsibilities and doing things that restore my energy. (Actually sometimes it’s taking care of responsibilities that I keep putting off.) It helps me to be a functioning human, being and reacting in ways that are more true to me and that I can feel satisfied with.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I am a psychotherapist and the owner of The Self-Care Spot in Murfreesboro, TN. My work focuses on the neurodivergent experience. I offer individual and group therapy, and will begin offering intensives in the coming months. My clients identify as Autistic, ADHDers, and/or a Highly Sensitive Person, and likely have experienced trauma. They may also be exploring one (or more) of these identities and are seeking guidance on figuring that out. There are also often intersections between these identities and LGBTQIA+ identities.
I run two groups at the moment: a Late Identified Autistic Support Group and a Highly Sensitive Person Support Group. I see clients in-person, virtually, and even offer walk and talk therapy at a local park. I’m really excited to start offering intensives as a way to get more therapeutic movement and change in a shorter amount of time. This is great for the person who does not want to or is unable to be in ongoing therapy and has a specific focus for therapy. As the name suggests, this version of therapy can be intense as it’s packed into a number or hours or days rather than weeks or months.
I’m really passionate about being a therapist and about working with this population. I’m also Autistic and came to this realization later in life. I have the lived experience to really connect with my clients and that’s paired with my clinical skills and the desire to keep learning more and more about these subjects.
My therapy approach comes from Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy models. I enjoy deep conversations and deep processing. I help my clients connect to their inner world and have more understanding, awareness, and relationship with their thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. We connect the dots inside and heal old wounds and burdens.
My newest creation that I’m excited to share with the world is a journal called “Doodle and Discover.” It will be released through Amazon soon. This journal walks you through six months of guided topics, questions, mood and habit trackers, and space to draw a mandala or doodle every day. The difference here is you can draw your thoughts and feelings in a quick mandala or doodle, rather than writing out paragraphs each day. It’s full of color and has a simple and easy to follow design. I’m excited to finally release it!
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
This is a tough question. If I have to name something, I’d say 1) self-awareness and being able to heal and work on myself, 2) being able to dream and be creative, and most recently, 3) the knowledge of neurodiversity and being neurodivergent.
As far as developing or improving these skills… I suppose part of it is inherent. And the other part is seeking guidance and wisdom from others and tapping into your core, authentic self. What has been really helpful is being in therapy. Having a trained professional to walk alongside me, support me, accept me, and have the knowledge and tools to actually help me heal has been very powerful. I also think practices like journaling, meditation, and other reflective exercises are hugely beneficial in increasing self-awareness.
When it comes to dreams and being creative… I believe anyone can have these things. It might be something to work on and dig out of yourself, but it’s there. I love dreaming and planning for my future! It can sometimes be easy to get stuck there and never follow through, but it can also be easy to get stuck in the day-to-day and not go anywhere without the dreams. If I didn’t have dreams or creative ways of achieving these dreams I likely would not be where I am today. I’ve been known to have a vision board or two through the years. I always have a dream and plan, usually months or even years before it actually becomes my reality. And given my neurodivergence, my plans often feel different than the typical. This is where the creativity comes in. I’ve been able (and am continually working on this) to develop a lifestyle that fits my needs.
Lastly, learning about neurodiversity and that I am neurodivergent has been life changing. This is personal to me and will not connect with everyone. But, if it does connect to you… it’ll likely be life changing for you, too. This knowledge has given me more confidence, acceptance, and a clear direction in my work as a therapist and within my personal life. Knowledge really is power! It’s made a great impact on how I care for myself, my relationships, and my work/clients. If you’re curious about this you might check out the book “Divergent Mind: Thriving in a world that wasn’t designed for you,” by Jenara Nerenberg.
Tell us what your ideal client would be like?
As I said previously, my clients are neurodivergent adults. Specifically, they identify as Autistic, an ADHDer, and/or a Highly Sensitive Person, and likely have experienced trauma. My clients, oftentimes, are identified as neurodivergent in some way later in life. When they come to me they may still be exploring this identity and wondering exactly where they fit into it, or may be clear about who they are and want support navigating life. Many of my clients also have an intersecting identity of LGBTQIA+.
I help my clients to have more self-awareness and a better relationship with themselves. We often work on connecting to their internal experiences, like emotions, thoughts, memories, and how their body is feeling. This helps with a number of things, one being to connect the dots between present stressors and triggers and past experiences. Through this process we often heal old wounds. Another benefit is through creating more awareness of personal needs, how to communicate them, and how to meet them.
Some of the common stressors or topics my clients are seeking out of therapy are: figuring out their identity, recovering from burnout, dealing with anxiety and overstimulation, struggles with boundaries, family of origin stress, identifying and communicating personal needs, relationship difficulties, communicating and expressing emotions, childhood trauma, and accommodating and structuring life to meet their neurodivergent needs.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.theselfcarespot.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theselfcarespotblog/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theselfcarespotblog
Image Credits
Kevin Smith
