We were lucky to catch up with Rebecca Ditore recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Rebecca, appreciate you sitting with us today to share your wisdom with our readers. So, let’s start with resilience – where do you get your resilience from?
My resilience comes from a number of factors. In short, it comes from my drive to keep going and the love I have for and get from my family.
The long answer:
My dad has been a consistent support system, providing unwavering love, and guidance through every challenge I’ve faced in my life. I’ve turned to him in my weakest of moments and I’ve watched him and learned a lot from him on how to navigate hardship. Having him to lean on gave me strength so many times in my life.
My life has gone anything but as planned and I’ve had to face immense heartache – from broken friendships in college, to experiencing my mother’s illness and death as a young adult, to navigating my husband’s terminal brain cancer diagnosis and caring for him while caring for my two young boys and then coping with his death and my new life as a solo parent.
Mike, my late husband and middle school sweetheart, died at age 30 from brain cancer when our children were just one and three years old. Every challenge that I’ve faced, at the time, felt like the worst thing that could possibly happen to me. Then, I managed to get out on the other side of it. I managed to go from absolutely heartbroken – to realizing I had the ability to feel joy again. I’d see all the blessings in my life that I had to be grateful for. When my mom was dying, I knew I had Mike and my dad to lean on. I had a lot to look forward to as I got married and started a family. I knew that my life wasn’t going to go as planned, and that there would be an eternal pain inside me for having to do all of it without my own mother, but life would go on and there was a lot to feel grateful for.
Since I became a mom, through my husband’s illness and after his death, it has been my children that drive my resilience. They are my motivation to face whatever comes my way in the healthiest way I can. I know the importance my mental health has on them and I am the only person who can give them a happy mom.
They too, will face challenges as they navigate grief of their dad in different ways throughout their lives along with whatever other curveballs life throws at them, and I am their primary example for how to cope with them when they come – how to feel the pain and all the other emotions that come up, but still get back up and continue to live the best they can. To appreciate little moments and seek out joy. To just breathe and keep going but to take care of yourself, too.
I think my resiliency also comes from my drive to find healthy outlets for my pain. Writing became essential to my healing journey when my husband died. I started blogging about my life as his caregiver and as a new mom of two, and later, as a young widow. I made connections and found that I was able to help other people by sharing my story and this gave me purpose. I wrote a book called “I’d Still Choose You” that both helped me get my story out, memorialize that chapter of my life, honor Mike and our love story AND help others along the way.
I started the Michael L. DiTore Small Moments Foundation to support other families like mine with children grieving the loss of a parent or sibling to cancer. Our mission is to create small moments of joy, and a little “break” from grief, for these families. These initiatives helped me stay productive and purposeful and connected to people who “get it”.
Every tragedy that I’ve faced, sort of equipped me for the next one.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I am a mother of two sweet boys, a young widow, I was very recently remarried and with that, I became a bonus mom of two more kiddos.
I met my first husband, Mike in 8th grade and we dated through high school, college and got married in 2016. Our first son , Dante, was born in January of 2019 and our second son, Dominic was born in October of 2020. About five months after Dominic was born, Mike began experiencing weakness in his left hand, which progressed to other symptoms and eventually a diagnosis of terminal brain cancer. I spent 16 months advocating for him, caring for him and trying to save his life until he died in September 2022 – 3 days after our 6th wedding anniversary.
Since then, I’ve focused my life on pouring into my children and new family, honoring Mike’s legacy for both his sake and my children’s, and supporting other families affected by cancer.
In May of 2024, I released a book called “I’d Still Choose You” in which I talk about my late husband and I’s relationship recalling all the way back to 8th grade. I talk about our life getting flipped upside down with his cancer diagnosis and how I navigated my life as a caretaker with two toddlers and then eventually, grief and widowhood. I share lessons I learned from grief and the experience as a whole.
I also started the Michael L. DiTore Small Moments Foundation – a 501(c)(3) organization with a mission to create small moments of joy and healing for children who’ve lost a parent or sibling to cancer. It has been an absolute honor to support families like mine – providing them a little “break” from the deep grief they feel each day. We provide personalized experiences and care packages to support these families. The experiences we gift are tailored to each families’ interests and usually, the legacy of their loved one as well. Some gifts we’ve given include but are not limited to a memorial tree planting and hike up Hawk Mountain, a day at Hershey Park, a 12-month membership to the Please Touch Museum, children’s books about grief, tickets to the circus and Disney on Ice, tickets to a broadway musical, tickets to an Eagles game as well as a pre-game experience and more.
Nominations can be made right through our website or by emailing Rebecca@smallmomentsfoundation.org.
This vision came to me after my own experience when Mike was on hospice and after he died. People would gift us experiences – such as a trip to Legoland or the zoo, and it forced us out of the house. I’d take my kids out and we’d create happy memories just the three of us. These outings gave me the confidence as a solo parent that I COULD handle the weight of the cards I was dealt, but also led me to the realization that we could still feel joy and that it was OK to laugh and be happy, even though at the very same time, we were also very sad. Mike would want us to be living life and making new, happy memories together.
In addition to supporting families through these experiences and care packages, we also are beginning to host events to support healing and connection among families. Our first event is at Painting with a Twist – free for all of our families. This will take place in March 2025 and our goal with this is to just provide a night of healing, fun, connection and support. It is life-changing when you connect with people who have experienced a loss like you have. We want our families to feel the power of that.
This year, on September 22, 2025 we will host our third annual Mikey D Memorial Golf Outing which is our biggest fundraiser. Last year, we raised over 50k through our raffle basket program, golfers, and sponsorships. To learn more about this event or provide support, you can email Rebecca@smallmomentsfoundation.org
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
The three qualities or skills that were most impactful…probably my ability to speak up despite what others think, my persistence, and my dedication to my family.
Of course, I didn’t save my husband like I intended – like I fought to. But I know I did everything I possibly could for him and that gives me some peace of mind. I didn’t let doctors intimidate me, or shy away from asking questions that might make me seem uneducated. I didn’t care if I was “bothering” anyone by sending emails or messages through our patient portal. I went after what I needed. I spoke up. I got 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th opinions from other doctors.
My advice? Ask ALL the questions. Especially for those caring and advocating. The health care system does not make it easy. Speak up. Not any person, not any doctor will care about your loved one and have the sheer determination to help them like you will.
If you are early in your journey of caregiving, connect with others. Join online groups, join face to face support groups if you have time. Just CONNECT with people who are going through a similar experience. If you are early into your widowhood journey, know that while I wish I could tell you the pain subsides, it does not – however, it does become easier to carry along with you as you move forward through life. It will not always feel as heavy as it does right now.
One of our goals is to help like-minded folks with similar goals connect and so before we go we want to ask if you are looking to partner or collab with others – and if so, what would make the ideal collaborator or partner?
We are always looking for folks to collaborate with so that we can reach more families affected by cancer loss and have a greater impact. We’re looking for in kind-donations and sponsorship support for our upcoming golf outing to help us raise money to provide this level of grief support, but we’re also looking for a few really solid partnerships from organizations that will grow with us and that we can support, back.
We want to increase our awareness so that schools, bereavement centers, support groups, cancer focused non-profits, social workers, and others think of us and turn to us when they know a family eligible for our services.
Our website is www.smallmomentsfoundation.org , I can be reached by email at Rebecca@smallmomentsfoundation.org and on instagram: @rebeccaditore @smallmomentsfoundation
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.smallmomentsfoundation.org
- Instagram: @smallmomentsfoundation and @RebeccaDiTore
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebecca-ditore-mph-b0913363/
- Other: www.rebeccaditore.com
https://a.co/d/eP2Yyiz (Amazon: I’d Still Choose You)
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