Meet Renee Jones

Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Renee Jones. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Renee, first a big thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and insights with us today. I’m sure many of our readers will benefit from your wisdom, and one of the areas where we think your insight might be most helpful is related to imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is holding so many people back from reaching their true and highest potential and so we’d love to hear about your journey and how you overcame imposter syndrome.

My husband suggested I add speaking to my skills after my book came out in 2017. “It’s a great way to connect with people who might need your help.”

I was more than skeptical. I’m an introverted coach. The idea of public speaking terrified me. Who would want to listen to me anyway? One-to-one and small groups are my speed. Speaking in front of larger groups? Phew! I’d be an impostor.

So, I said, “Love, I’m never going to be a speaker.”

Almost a year to the day later, I was giving my TEDx talk.

It probably helped that I had no idea what TEDx was, so I had no idea of what I managed to get myself into. I just knew it was a talk during a day of speakers sharing their “Idea worth spreading.”

Overcoming that impostor syndrome took more than a year, but there were several elements of getting past it.

1. Preparation: Getting comfortable with knowing your subject matter and KNOWING you know it is essential. I practiced my knowledge every day talking to clients, and I kept a journal to note when I realized I knew more than I thought. When you get confident with your knowledge and/or skills, it’s easier to step out and share. You’re no longer an impostor.

2. Help: I hired a coach to teach me how to do the talk. Feeling comfortable in your skills, practicing them daily, and seeing your improvement shows you know what you’re doing — you’re not an impostor.

3. Eliminate the things that cause you to question. I had a bad dress rehearsal for the talk. I could not remember the talk. I had it the day before, but at rehearsal, it all left me. The coordinator was lovely. He said that this was why we had a dress rehearsal, to try to work out some of the kinks. Mr. Jones and I analyzed the experience looking for the source. I discovered it was the intense lights that were throwing me. We couldn’t recreate the stage lighting, but I could practice my talk in front of every naked lightbulb in every lamp we could gather together. By desensitizing myself to the light, I could remember my talk as well as my knowledge of the topic. I wasn’t an impostor,

4. Do the scary thing: I stepped onto that stage shaking, but having got through it with no issues was a huge boost of confidence. If I could do what was most scary to me, what else could I do? I had the knowledge, I had the skills, I am not an impostor. I could make a difference.

More than 750,000 views later, I understand a bit better about TEDx, and my nephews think I’m really cool, but the greatest benefit of the experience was proving to myself that I was no impostor.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

I’m a speaker and coach focusing on mental, physical, and emotional wellness. On the surface, that’s often about weight loss, but extra pounds are often a symptom of our mental, physical, and emotional wellness. Of course we enjoy eating, being Foodies and such, but no one staring down the chocolate chips in the pantry, the doughnut at the office, or the huge plate of Fettuccine Alfredo will say the drive to eat them to excess is about hunger. It’s more often about soothing stress, frustration, or being sad, mad, or upset in some way — or even happy as we feast to celebrate.

What I find exciting is finding what’s driving the behavior bus — what drives us to food for comfort or stress relief — and unwinding it so they can be free. They may still choose to eat that particular food, but they have more control over how much and how often they want to consume it. When we face our stuff, we no longer need to stuff our faces for comfort.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

The greatest skill of any coach is effective listening. Yes, it helps to have a master’s degree in counseling for helping skills, 20 years of experience working with people when they’re vulnerable, in crisis, and upset as a hospital and hospice chaplain, and have some miles on my heart to give me wisdom and perspective, but if we don’t listen effectively, we can’t know how to help. Most people need a good “listening to” much more than they need a good “talking to.”

Being heard is a rare gift.

Developing good listening skills takes practice. Start with providing a safe and judgment-free space to talk, showing an unconditional positive regard for them. Then ask more questions, allowing the other person to talk until they’re done, encouraging them when they get stuck or uncomfortable. You know you’re doing well when they say, “I cannot believe I’m actually saying this out loud.” Sometimes just purging the thoughts and feelings is what they most need.

Then listen also to your internal wisdom, intuition, and spirit. A question or thought you’re having may be exactly what they need. They’ll wonder how you knew exactly what to say.

Thanks so much for sharing all these insights with us today. Before we go, is there a book that’s played in important role in your development?

So many books have helped me develop in different areas, so I’ll give you three in diverse areas:
The Skilled Helper by Gerard Egan — now, this is a textbook, but it is a skill book. It will teach skills for truly effective helping.

Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin — light but useful reading. It talks about how we can change habits and gives many examples and methods of effecting those changes. It includes information on her construct called The Four Tendencies, which helped me find my way in making the changes I wanted to make. I use it with clients daily.

Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldredge. I was a chaplain — there had to be a spiritual book in here somewhere. Helps separate faith from religion by connecting us with the personality behind it all.

Contact Info:

Suggest a Story: BoldJourney is built on recommendations from the community; it’s how we uncover hidden gems,
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
Resilience
Where does your optimism come from?

Optimism is the invisible ingredient that powers so much of the incredible progress in society

Confidence
Stories of Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Learning from one another is what BoldJourney is all about. Below, we’ve shared stories and

Resilience
The Power of Persistence: Overcoming Haters and Doubters

Having hates is an inevitable part of any bold journey – everyone who has made