Meet Rev. Whittney-marie Murphy

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Rev. Whittney-marie Murphy a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Rev. Whittney-Marie, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?

I am grinning as I write this, my mother. Sharon Murphy Williams is the epitome of confidence, self-esteem class and fashion. Growing up, I was able to witness her literally walking into a room, silence a crowd, demand attention, and look incredible while doing it and the key was, sometimes she wouldn’t even say a word.

My mother is a financial consultant and entrepreneur. I watched her with awe, wonderment and a lot of curiosity. And it was that curiosity that led me to pay attention even more to the details of how she moved, how she spoke, and how she could work a room. Now, as that little girl growing up I didn’t call it confidence and I didn’t call it self-esteem, I called it Mommy!

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

When asked “what I do?” I tell people “I hold space for black brides and the people they love.” If that’s a same gender loving relationship, an interracial relationship, an interreligious relationship, or another formation of love, “Rev. I, do” is the space where the black bride can breathe, be understood, and be held with a softness that rarely is our portion.

What makes my brand stand out is the fact that it’s “the hug you didn’t realize you needed on this journey of love and wonder.” Being embraced by “Rev. I, do” is an experience that comes with an energy that exudes joy, authenticity, culture, and flare. This embrace comes with a contagious smile, a creative curiosity, and a penchant for the fly and fabulous.

That’s actually why I have teamed up with another Professional Wedding Officiant, Tiara Bryant of “Royal Treatment with Tiara”
to curate a space that’s ‘for us, by us’ and focuses exclusively on melanated love stories. We created a podcast called “Filtered Thru Coffee” the podcast where candid wedding conversations are brewed with authenticity and culture. As wedding officiants, we pour our hearts into every love story we tell, and this podcast is no different. We invite you to learn the ins and outs of planning a dope wedding from two dope black officiants offering insight, advice, and plenty of ki-ki’s along the way. In each episode, expect a flavorful blend of engaging discussions from curating the perfect playlist, to navigating family dynamics, to selecting your dream vendor team. So we invite you to grab your favorite mug, pour yourself a cup and join us in rich conversations that are for us, by us. (@filteredthrucoffee)

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

Looking back, there are several mantras that have proven most impactful in my journey as a wedding officiant. The embodiment of these mantras defined, not only the heart of the work but also has ensured each couple’s experience is the milestone moment they craved.

1. Be Who You Needed (when you were younger)
This has been how I’ve held space for my couples, their family and friends, and my team of associates and vendor colleagues. I realized that the reason I began officiating weddings, was because I needed a particular officiant, with a particular set of skills. I desired an ordained black woman, theologically trained, open & affirming of all love forms, charismatic and fly! I was looking for me. I was looking for the hugs I give, the peace I exude, and the care I emit. And so, I became those things to my couples and their party. I became the void that was missing in the wedding business that could beautifully hold love stories that mirrored mine. I wanted someone who could hold the experience of the black bride, in all her glory. I became that.
2. Be A Stone Catcher
I am an ordained minister in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). It was in the context, of my affirming ministry around the LGBTQ+ community, that taught me my role as a “stone catcher.” As a same-gender-loving woman, the stones thrown my way and others like me, can be sharp, pointed, hard, and dangerous. Yet, there are people in my life who catch those stones by being beautiful buffers in spaces that I do not have the capacity to withstand. I have laid the foundation of my business to be a “stone catcher” for my couples. Whether that’s navigating family dynamics, vendor relationships, or the outside world, I am able to hold space for my couples and catch the stones thrown their way in very spiritual, emotional, and human ways.
3. Do it Scared
My sister and I vacationed in Palm Springs, CA where we rode the tram almost 10,000 feet to the top of the mountain. While on the tram, I was still and frightened. My sister looked at me with bewilderment as she’s known me to skydive, parasail, and do many other adventurous activities. And she said as much. In my reply, I said “I do Sh*t Scared.” And ever since, that’s been my motto to go for it. Whatever it, is. Rev. I, do Officiating was a dream that I was too scared to dream. Now I am living the dreams that I don’t have to slumber for.

Advice I would give to anyone starting out:
1. Don’t do it alone. If you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go with someone. You want to go far so grab a colleague, join a Facebook Group, attend networking events, etc.
2. Your price is your price. The question is, not whether the couple is stick to it, but you! Don’t haggle. “Nos” hurt. But they save room for the “Yeses.”
3. Get a CRM (Customer Relationship Management) tool that will help you automate your work flow.

Is there a particular challenge you are currently facing?

The Challenge: Balancing Pricing, Value, and Costs
One of the greatest challenges I currently face is finding the balance between maintaining my value as a wedding officiant and navigating the reality of couples who may say “no” due to budget constraints. This challenge is compounded by inclusive costs like travel and accommodations, which can make pricing decisions even more complex.

The Approach: Standing Firm on Value
I’ve learned that pricing my services is not just about the ceremony itself but also the time, expertise, and emotional labor that go into crafting a deeply personal experience. To address this:

Clear and Consistent Pricing: I set my prices thoughtfully, factoring in travel, accommodations, preparation time, and the uniqueness of my services.
No Negotiation on Worth: I don’t haggle or negotiate down my pricing. Each couple that says “yes” deserves my full energy and expertise, and by valuing my worth, I can deliver that consistently.
Embracing the “Nos”: Being okay with hearing “no” has been liberating. Every “no” allows me to save space for couples who are aligned with my value and vision, making the “yeses” all the more meaningful.
Why This Approach Matters
Standing firm on pricing is a way of honoring the integrity of my work. Inclusive, tailored ceremonies require emotional investment and professional skill that go beyond the wedding day itself. Pricing reflects not just the service but the entire experience I provide.

For those starting out, or professionals revisiting pricing strategy, I recommend:

Assessing Costs Holistically: Factor in all related expenses, including hidden ones like software subscriptions, marketing, and travel.
Communicating Value: Ensure potential clients understand what goes into your services, from custom scripts to on-site rehearsals.
Practicing Gratitude for Alignment: Couples who appreciate and align with your worth are a joy to work with. Celebrate those connections.

Contact Info:

Image Credits

Linz, Redwood Sage Photo
Jami Johnson, Thee Fresh Studio
Zyaire, Porterhouse Los Angeles
Danica Carver, Captured by Carver
Those McKissics Photography

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