We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Rob Malloy. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Rob below.
Hi Rob, really happy you were able to join us today and we’re looking forward to sharing your story and insights with our readers. Let’s start with the heart of it all – purpose. How did you find your purpose?
Finding my purpose as a Disabled Veteran and a 2nd Time DIvorcee at 40 years old was a process. I was a teenaged father long before I was a husband. I married for the 1st time after dating for 3 or 4 months, at 21 years old. I was way too young and I married a stranger. The second time, I thought I took my time – but this time I was creating a blended family. As any parent knows – as your children age, your parenting changes and your life changes. My primary purpose was as a parent and a spouse.
After my divorce was finalized, my sense of purpose was lost. I was still a father, but I felt that I had failed as a husband. I was still a Disabled Veteran trying to navigate the Veterans Administration – but that wasn’t all I was created to be. I knew that, but the process of identifying what I was created to do required me to deal with some things that I had been avoiding. After divorce, I attempted to skip the grieving process because I, like most men, did not know how to grieve the loss. Instead, I preferred to bottle up my emotions, making it harder for me to move on. However, I still felt a loss and regret from derailed plans and dreams. Since I did not take time to grieve the loss of my marriage, I immediately got back out there and got into new situationships and I used dating after divorce as a way of escaping the pain instead of giving myself time to heal. While I now enjoy my time alone, fresh out of my divorce, I was also trying to be the best parent I could be to my own 4 children, morning the loss of the step-children that I was forced to sever all communication to after being in their lives for over 10 years – so dating was an opportunity to avoid having to deal with those difficult emotions. Dating was also an opportunity for me to have new experiences to help me determine what type of romantic partnership I wanted in the future.
I knew that I had dreams and goals that had been delayed and sacrifice for family – but at 40 years old I had to have those hard and uncomfortable conversations with myself. The first step was to allow myself time to grieve. The second step was for me to remember who I was at my core. The answer to that was that I was a servant to my core. I wanted to help people. I wanted to help people who were going through that processes of life after divorce. Navigating relationships after divorce is very different. Even how you parent after divorce is different. My purpose was to help people learn how to thrive in all areas of their lives – after divorce. The scriptures say that all things work together for my good – so even as painful as my divorces were – being able to help others to find that support of others that understand is something that is powerful.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
As a Disabled Veteran I had to reinvent how I could be of service to my community. Working a traditional 9 to 5 isn’t an option for me, but it doesn’t diminish my desire to serve. I became a Certified Dating Coach that specifically works with those that are Dating After Divorce. I also have recently begun acting and modeling after 45 years old. I will be 48 in October, 2023. I wanted to show others that you can live the life of your dreams after divorce even if you don’t start going after those dreams until after 40 years old.
My other focus has been the Public Charitable organization that I launched with my father to help other Disabled Veterans and their families. Keeping Veterans Fit, Inc is a 501c3 organization that was created to help Veterans and their families to be as emotionally, physically and financially fit as possible.
August 13th, I will be on the panel “From the Heart of Black Men” at the Twin Cities Hair and Beauty Expo. I am excited about the Raw Talk with Rob Show. This show will be focused on having discussions about relationships – all types of relationships after divorce, not just romantic. This show will be launching in the fall of 2023.
I am also honored to be hosting the Black Media Honors in Los Angeles in October, 2023 and hosting The Legacy of Freedom Gala in Atlanta, GA on November 10, 2023.
Of all the projects that I am a part of, hosting The Legacy of Freedom Gala is the first time that I am able to be a part of something where my father will be honored for his service to this great nation.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
The first skill I would have to say is developing a growth mindset. Having a growth mindset is linked to having a sense of purpose. Constantly growing and becoming a better version of yourself helps you identify your purpose and commit to pursuing it. A growth mindset also allows you to embrace challenges as opportunities, persevere in spite of failure, and accept feedback and constructive criticism – in spite of how you may feel in the moment.
The second skill would be intentionally practicing gratitude daily. Intentionally practicing gratitude daily is a way for me to appreciate what I have instead of always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make me happier or thinking that I can’t feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps me refocus on what I have instead of what they lack. And, although it felt contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice. This included my relationships – all of them. I am grateful for each and everyone of them. I am honestly grateful for the love that was shared – even when that love ends or that relationship has reached its expiration date. In short, intentionally practicing gratitude daily makes me happier.
The third skill is creating and cultivating your personal vision statement. A personal vision statement can help you manage stress and find balance in your life. It also serves as a roadmap that will guide you toward your purpose by identifying your core values and establishing what’s important to you. A vision statement makes it easier for you to make decisions aligned to your values and helps you stay motivated as you work toward your personal goals. This helps me when I evaluate potential opportunities, potential partnerships and potential romantic partners. The opportunity or the person may seem great on paper – but if it or they don’t align with my personal vision statement, then it is really a dressed up distraction from my ultimate vision.
What was the most impactful thing your parents did for you?
My Amazing parents Bob and Dee Malloy represent stability, resilience and true commitment. The most impactful thing they did for me was support me at such a young age to be comfortable be me! They made sure that I didn’t try to be something. I wasn’t. Never be a follower, be a leader. That’s actually the meaning of my name “Robert.” You could say I was born to Lead!
Contact Info:
- Website: www.robmalloy.com
- Instagram: @iamrobmalloy
- Facebook: @iamrobmalloy
- Youtube: Who is Rob Malloy
Image Credits
Shootworks photography Jus4lovephotos sooffcialshowout
