We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Rowan Cooper a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Rowan, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
Developing Confidence and Self-Esteem: A Personal Journey
Building confidence and self-esteem is no easy task—especially in a world dominated by comparison and external judgment. My experience in the acting industry in Los Angeles was a harsh awakening. When I first arrived, full of hope and ambition, I worked for someone who promised career success but instead undermined my every effort. Week after week, I endured critiques of my appearance, my voice, and my entire being. One day I was “too fat for the industry,” the next my hair was the wrong length, my clothes were “too loud,” and my makeup “not good enough.” Slowly, I began to internalize these criticisms, believing them to be reflections of my worth. I became a punching bag for someone else’s projections, and my confidence crumbled.
Rebuilding my self-esteem after such a destructive experience took time, but I realized a fundamental truth: the way we speak to ourselves dictates the life we experience. It is all too easy to believe we are not enough. Negative thoughts, when combined with strong emotions like fear, harden into beliefs that shape our reality. For instance, if someone tells you it’s a “bad time” to start a business, and you pair that thought with anxiety, it becomes a belief: “I shouldn’t take risks right now.” Our nervous system, unable to distinguish between imagined and real threats, accepts these beliefs as truth. They then manifest as self-imposed limitations, trapping us in cycles of doubt and failure.
Understanding this, I sought to “reprogram” my mind. Philosophy taught me that thoughts are powerful—but they do not have to define us. I began practicing affirmations, speaking to myself with intention: “I am capable,” “I am worthy,” “I am a great actor.” Initially, this felt forced, almost like a lie. After all, why would I need to convince myself of something true? But I soon discovered the missing key: confirmation. When I combined affirmations with small wins—creating a video that received positive feedback or finishing a project I was proud of—I gave my mind tangible proof that my affirmations were real. Over time, these confirmations transformed my beliefs.
Here’s the remarkable thing: our subconscious actively looks for what we “prove” to be true. This is thanks to the Reticular Activating System (RAS), a part of the brain that filters the world based on our beliefs. If we believe we are unworthy, the RAS will magnify every failure and criticism. But when we shift our mindset and look for evidence of success, we start to notice opportunities, wins, and positive experiences that reinforce our confidence. What began as affirmations became convictions—I no longer had to tell myself I was confident; I simply was.
Breaking free of limiting beliefs isn’t about pretending to be something we’re not. It’s about aligning our internal dialogue with the reality we want to experience. Confidence isn’t loud or boastful—it’s quiet and steady, a truth we carry within ourselves. Truly confident people don’t need to convince themselves; they act from a place of deep knowing. I learned to adopt that mindset. Instead of comparing my “Day One” to someone else’s “Day 100,” I focused on my progress, however small. Slowly but surely, I built a foundation of self-esteem grounded not in external validation, but in my ability to show up, persevere, and grow.
The journey to confidence starts with a single thought. If we choose that thought carefully, pair it with emotion, and seek confirmations, we can rewrite our stories. For me, silencing the critical voices—both external and internal—was the turning point. Today, I no longer question my worth. I know that confidence isn’t about being perfect; it’s about showing up as your authentic self, flaws and all, and trusting that you are enough.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
The Power of Acting
As an actor, I believe that what I do is essential for the continuation of empathy in humanity. In today’s world, acting often falls victim to misperception—tangled in superficial assumptions of fame, wealth, or vanity. The rise of influencers and viral culture has blurred the lines between performance and self-promotion, reducing art to something transactional. Yet, acting is—and always has been—so much more than that.
Storytelling, in all its forms, is the lifeblood of human connection. From drawings on cave walls and petroglyphs to spoken word, art, literature, and now film and television, storytelling has carried our collective truths across generations. It is the vehicle through which we understand ourselves and each other. Acting, as a part of this tradition, is not just about entertainment; it is about holding up a mirror to humanity—offering glimpses into lives, struggles, and emotions that might otherwise remain unseen.
As a child, I often felt isolated, disconnected from a culture where I did not quite belong. It was through film that I first felt seen. The characters I watched weren’t just people on a screen; they gave words to feelings I couldn’t articulate, they echoed experiences I thought no one else shared. And the actors who portrayed them didn’t draw attention to themselves. Instead, they gave their energy and focus to me, the viewer. The best actors do exactly this—they take the spotlight off themselves and place it squarely on the audience. They create space for connection, for understanding, and for transformation.
To humanize a character on a page is one of the most valuable attributes an artist can possess. It is an act of generosity—a willingness to step into someone else’s reality, embody it fully, and share it with others. For me, this is the heart of acting. It is not about self-indulgence or vanity. It is about serving the story, giving voice to experiences that might otherwise be forgotten, and reminding people that they are not alone.
Empathy is the foundation of human progress, and storytelling is its greatest tool. When we watch a film or a play, we are invited to see the world through someone else’s eyes, to feel what they feel, and to question our assumptions. This shared experience fosters connection, understanding, and, ultimately, compassion. Without storytelling, we risk losing our ability to see beyond ourselves.
Acting, therefore, is not a pursuit of fame or wealth. It is a pursuit of truth. My intention as an actor is to give something back—to remind others, as film once reminded me, that their lives matter, that they are seen, and that their stories are worth telling. If I can accomplish this, even in a small way, then I have done my part to continue the legacy of empathy that has defined humanity for centuries.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
The Gift of Knowledge: A Path to Self-Discovery
Knowledge is power, and over the last six years, I’ve been fortunate to receive one of the greatest gifts of my life—a chance to explore and learn without limitation. When I first went to college, I had no idea what I wanted to do. Instead of forcing myself down a single path, I decided to pursue everything. I allowed curiosity to guide me, taking 4 to 6 credits across a variety of majors, immersing myself in fields I might never have encountered otherwise.
This unconventional approach opened my mind in ways I could never have predicted. I began to see connections between subjects I once thought were unrelated—how biology intersected with art, how literature revealed history, or how philosophy informed science. Knowledge became a mosaic, each piece enhancing the others, and as I grew to understand the complexities of the world, I also began to understand myself.
In many ways, this exploration became a form of self-discovery. I not only learned about disciplines and careers but also gained perspective on human nature, cultures, and life itself. Anthropology, for example, was a field I didn’t even know existed when I first walked onto campus. Yet, during my exploration, I stumbled into a class and fell deeply in love with the study of humanity—our evolution, cultures, and behaviors. It was a revelation: a subject that allowed me to understand people on a broader level while fueling my passion for storytelling as an actor.
Having a vast amount of knowledge has also enriched my career as an actor. Acting, at its core, is about embodying truths beyond your own lived experience. Whether you’re playing a scientist, a historian, or an ordinary person from a different background, the more you understand about the world, the more depth and authenticity you can bring to your craft. My time in college gave me tools that not only serve my art but also deepen my ability to connect with others—something I believe acting, and life itself, is truly about.
In the end, I graduated with three degrees, each representing a facet of the journey I took—my curiosity, my willingness to explore, and my commitment to never stop learning. I plan to continue this pursuit, eventually earning a master’s degree and perhaps even a doctorate in anthropology. The thought of dedicating myself to such a path is one I never could have imagined at the beginning of my college years. But that is the beauty of knowledge: it doesn’t just give you answers; it expands the questions you ask about the world.
Looking back, I realize that choosing exploration over certainty was the best decision I ever made. Knowledge is not simply a tool for success—it is a gateway to a deeper, richer understanding of life. It allows us to grow, connect, and uncover the vast possibilities that exist both within and outside of ourselves. For that, I will always be grateful to the winding, nontraditional path that led me to who I am today.
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
The Guidance of Poetry and Philosophy
Poetry and philosophy have long been my guides, offering clarity and perspective during moments of doubt and introspection. One book I believe everyone should read at least once in their lifetime is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. It is not merely a collection of thoughts but a timeless manual for life—chapters filled with core values and reflections that can profoundly enhance your understanding of the world, other people, and yourself. Aurelius’ words, though written nearly two millennia ago, remain remarkably relevant. They serve as a reminder that external chaos cannot disturb inner peace unless we allow it, and that true strength comes from within. His teachings on humility, resilience, and perspective have been foundational to my personal growth.
Alongside philosophy, I have fallen in love with poets like Sylvia Plath, whose work offers a raw, unfiltered look at the struggles of being both a woman and a creative during an era that often silenced such voices. Her reflections resonate deeply—not just because of their honesty, but because they remind us of the beauty in vulnerability and the courage it takes to create in a world that doesn’t always understand. Plath’s work, like that of many great poets, is more than art—it is survival, an act of speaking truth into existence.
I believe every poet is worth exploring for anyone pursuing a creative path. Poetry distills life into its purest form, stripping away the noise to reveal what truly matters: love, loss, hope, and the human experience in all its complexity. A good poet can see the extraordinary in the ordinary, giving voice to emotions we may not yet have words for. As creatives, poets teach us to pay attention, to embrace nuance, and to honor the depth of our feelings without apology.
Philosophy provides the framework, and poetry breathes life into it. Together, they form a powerful compass for navigating the world—a way of sharpening your perception while remaining open to its beauty. These works remind us that creation, whether through art, words, or performance, is not just a personal pursuit but a way to connect to something larger than ourselves.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.rowaniriscooper.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rowaniriscooper/
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