Meet Sara Khosrowjerdi

We were lucky to catch up with Sara Khosrowjerdi recently and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Sara, really appreciate you opening up about a very personal topic with the hopes that it can help someone out there who might be going through it. What can you share with us about your journey with postpartum depression and how you overcame PPD? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.

I had had a challenging pregnancy with my Daughter; pre-labor at 29 weeks and 6 days, followed by a month of bedrest, followed by my water breaking a month early, having her delivered emergency cesarean due to her being breach. I felt wrecked by the pregnancy, it was physically and mentally exhausting. My postpartum phase wasn’t textbook PPD but, something was off, I was different. To this day, I can still vividly remember the moment I knew something wasn’t right. My Daughter was about a week old. We had been home for a few days and my In-Laws were visiting. Everyone was gathered in the living room downstairs, while I was standing at the top of my second floor steps looking down. My Daughter was crying and it was time to nurse her. I stared down the steps and just kept telling myself step forward, step forward. My mind knew what to do, but my body couldn’t get the strength to walk down the steps. The exhaustion was so real. I had never felt anything like it. I was out of my body but, still in my body. Everything was in slow motion and reality didn’t make any sense. My brain just wasn’t responding. I was utterly depleted. I felt lost and terrified. Mostly, about how was I going to recover and take care of a baby that needs me at the same time? A rush of fears and worry overcame me. I was never anxious person so this was all new, it was intense but, I kept it all in. This was the start of my postpartum anxiety.

My Daughter was never a very good sleeper. For the first year, I was up with her every 3-4 hours. I would work during the day and be up all night for months. The sleep deprivation was not only brutal for my mental state but was also taxing to my physical immune system. I gave birth during the Winter months and I can distinctly recall true fears and anxiety about bringing my child outside. I had a real darkness to my thoughts, I was convinced something awful would happen if I went outside, if she got too cold, or exposed to any germs. What’s crazy is I knew my thoughts were not rational but, my anxieties would just spiral out of control. It was a horrible cycle of endless dark holes of worst case scenarios, all created by anxiety.

Unfortunately, when I was about three months postpartum, I ended up coming down with walking pneumonia. The sleeping wasn’t improving, I went back to work 10 weeks postpartum, and I barely had time to take care of myself. I was running on caffeine and whatever I could find the time to eat. After the walking pneumonia (and medications that assaulted my micro biome), my anxiety grew. I knew it wasn’t rational but after just being very sick myself, I was now convinced my child wouldn’t survive getting sick. My dark thoughts always went worst case scenario, so I became a hermit. The fears were irrational, my immune system was physically assaulted, my micro biome was very much off, and now the isolation wasn’t helping any of it.

What’s wild about the entire experience, is being an acupuncture fertility specialist I profoundly understood what was happening to me. There is a very special meridian within every woman. It is a meridian called the Bao Mai, that forms only during conception. It is the direct connection between baby in womb, to mom’s heart. After a baby is born, she literally loses a piece of her heart that is walking around outside her body. This then creates this intuitive and unmistakable bond between mommy and baby. I have told this to countless mothers that I have treated. Losing a piece of your heart is sure to create anxiety and it’s all very rational to professional me. It all makes too much sense and yet, during this time my anxiety would hear none of it.

Months went by of this constant internal struggle. It wasn’t until a visit from my own Mother one weekend. Without discussion or “hey Sara you are acting irrational” she simply suggested taking the baby out for lunch to a cafe across the street from my apartment. Just like a veteran Mother, she was clever about it too. She suggested an odd hour lunch around 2:30pm, so we could bring the carriage inside and there wouldn’t be many people. She simply said, it’ll be ok and it’ll be fun. Just us, let’s try it. I was reluctant but, I got on board. So we did and she was right. Much to my surprise my Daughter slept the whole time, it was ok, she was ok, and it was fun. It was so simple and exactly what I needed. I started doing baby steps like this by myself. Started exercising; body movement helps to move Qi (pronounced Chee). When Qi Stagnates it can quickly lead to depression. I started eating better, hydrating, getting acupuncture and Reiki. I got back to basics and remembered all the knowledge I possessed. I was slowly starting to learn how to quiet the anxiety buzzing around in my mind.

The power and control of postpartum anxiety is truly terrifying. It clouded my mind so badly that I could go to work, and treat women struggling with their own postpartum anxieties or depression. Exactly what I was going through. Successfully help them and know what they needed. Yet, when it came to myself, my mind had no clue how to even get started. It wasn’t until my Mother’s successful simple outing that I gained confidence to start to move forward. I wish I could say I felt better quickly. For me, the sleep deprivation and the taxing of my immune system really made my postpartum recovery challenging. Getting back to basics with exercise, food and a healthy micro biome is really what helped. However, if I am being totally honest I didn’t really start to feel like “myself” for about 4-5 years.

As a mother, I think there will always be a dark side to my thoughts. The anxiety is just kind of there under the surface. I often ask a lot of my moms within my acupuncture practice if they go dark side with their worries. They always give me this look, they know exactly what I am asking. It’s something that seems to simply just there within some of us.

While I wish things were not as challenging as they were during those first couple years with my Daughter, in some ways I am also grateful for it. I had no idea how much I could love another being. There’s nothing quite like it and no way to describe it. The feeling drove my anxiety and my worry. If I couldn’t recover, if I wasn’t there, how would she survive? As a woman and practitioner it has brought true empathy for new mothers who feel like they have to keep these things to themselves. It’s a scary, challenging, and sometimes lonely time. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s something to discuss and have someone offer you a little bit of advice. Much like my Mom, sometimes we just need guidance from someone who has been through it. Within a moment, you give birth and you are an entirely different person. Your life is forever changed. It’s beautiful and scary all at the same time. Our bodies may physically heal within six weeks (they say) but, we are forever a different person and we need not be so quick to judge ourselves too harshly. Compassion and patience are stepping stones for healing the soul.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

After my undergrad I moved from Massachusetts to NYC. I lived there with my then boyfriend (now Husband) and worked a couple different random jobs for a few years. I studied business in marketing in my undergrad but, started “undecided” and even after graduating I really didn’t know what it was I wanted to do with my professional life. I just knew I wanted to be in NYC. My Husband and I married young and we have been married now for almost 17 years. In my mid 20s I started working at Jefferies Investment Banking. I eventually ended up as a Business Analyst for Leveraged Finance. I was working 60-80 hours a week and working in high stress environment. My weeks consisted of getting up early, getting to the office, working all day, eating lunch at my desk, usually leaving the office between 8pm-10pm at night, just to wake up and do that shit all over again. Sure, money was good, but what was the point?

One morning, I woke up and told my Husband I saw no point to anything I was doing and I couldn’t continue down this path for the rest of my life. I said I wanted to leave my job and that there was something else I was supposed to be doing. Bless his soul, he didn’t say no. He simply said that I better figure out what the hell that was. So, I began to soul search a bit. It didn’t take long. I randomly went and listened to the founder of an acupuncture school in NYC speak one evening. I profoundly understood everything that he was talking about. It was a truly intuitive ah ha moment. I spoke the language and I trusted my intuition. I applied, I got in to school, I quit my job and went back to school to get my Master’s in Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine.

The program takes three years full time to complete. At which point you take the national board exams; depending on the state you wish to practice it’s either 2 or 3 board exams (for me it was 3). Once you pass those exams you then apply to the state for them to give you your medical license. I think most people don’t know that acupuncturists go through an extensive program and are medically licensed. Unfortunately, we don’t do a great job advocating for ourselves and so I think it’s always important to discuss credentialing whenever I can.

During my final year of acupuncture school my Husband and I had moved to Hoboken, NJ. Shortly after graduating I set up my practice in Hoboken; Acupuncture Atelier. Not knowing what it could become and how it could grow; it quickly blossomed within months and before I knew it my calendar was booked. I still smile when I think about how my initial goal was to treat 3-5 patients a week. There was a period of time where I was so overwhelmed I had to stop taking on new patients. I was a one woman show and it just became overwhelming. Acupuncture Atelier became so much more than I ever imagined.

In 2017 we received a huge surprise, I became pregnant with my Daughter. As described earlier, pregnancy was challenging and postpartum was filled with even more challenges. More importantly, my Husband was now running a trading desk at an NYC hedge fund. He was incredibly stressed and very busy. Now with our Daughter, the life that we had created in Hoboken just didn’t seem to make sense. We barely saw each other and there was distance. Having met in college when we were 18 years old it was a difficult time for us. Distance wasn’t great for our relationship. We decided it was time to change things up and get back to us as a family. My Husband decided to leave Wall Street and hop on board with Acupuncture Atelier. We decided to move back to Mass to be near family and set up a second practice. What’s beautiful about Acupuncture Atelier is that it is truly a Husband and Wife duo, he runs the business and I run the clinical. It’s pure Yin and Yang and it works.

We moved back to Mass in December of 2019. Of course, 2020 caused us to put the breaks on. We ended up opening our Mass Atelier practice in July of 2021. Hoboken Atelier survived and grew during COVID and we are forever grateful to the patients that kept us going and we were honored to keep them going during that time as well.

Acupuncture Atelier is the alternative when it comes to alternative medicine. Being of a business background we understand that a small percentage of the population actively seeks out acupuncture. Keeping that in mind, we have created a modern and uniquely approachable practice (utilizing technology, online booking, even our signature eclectic music playlist for patients to vibe out to while the cook with acupuncture needles). We are not a la carte and my goal is always to get people better as quickly as possible. Acute pain is generally treated within 1-3 sessions, and more chronic conditions we like to see improved by 5 sessions. If we feel we can’t help, we will never keep you coming back. Having come from an NYC life, we always remember that everyone is busy. Our lives are all complicated these days but, we believe your healthcare doesn’t need to be. We are straightforward and no nonsense.

It is my personal believe and professional mission to make acupuncture more mainstream. Fertility is magic and acupuncture fucking works for conception and conception support. However, I truly believe pain is where acupuncture has a true place within modern medicine. The patients who come in desperately begging for some kind of relief; have been struggling in pain for sometimes years, cleared by all MRI/X-rays / other clinical testing, and are constantly having pills thrown at them….they are the ones we help the most. Understanding trigger point referral patterns, actively listening to the patient, consciously watching how they move and then understanding any underlying emotional imbalances is where we can make a change….quickly! I see it day to day, these patients come in not expecting too much, and leave feeling physically better. It’s amazing and makes us feel whole.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

Whenever I bring on a new practitioner to work with me the most important thing I can teach them is to trust their treatments and trust themselves. My entire journey to creating Acupuncture Atelier has had significant influence by my intuition. My leap into the profession and then guidance to how it has grown. When I trust myself and truly believe in what I bring to this profession is when I am my best. Self doubt is toxic and clouds the mind. Learning to truly connect to your gut instincts is of true value.

Second, being able to let go of things that are not your strong suit. I will admit, I am a bit of a control freak and I can be very intense when it comes to the profession. It’s truly because I believe in what we can do on a mainstream levels. However, when my Husband came on board I struggled to truly let go of the “business” I had created. It wasn’t until I sat back and let him change up the structure of the day-to-day that I realized that not only was everything running smoother, but that I no longer had to do everything. Once I realized he was able to run the business far better than I ever could, I then realized I was able to devote 100% of my efforts to clinical. Letting go of the control made me a better practitioner and also improved the practice as a whole.

Alright so to wrap up, who deserves credit for helping you overcome challenges or build some of the essential skills you’ve needed?

It should be no surprise, but my Husband, Afsheen is my biggest help in all aspects of my life. He is truly my partner in every sense of the word. I often tell people that where I am weak he is strong, and where he is weak I am strong. Now, don’t misunderstand we are not perfect, we fight, we argue and we disagree but, we truly make each other better.

When he came on board, he wanted to change the entire business structure. I was reluctant due to pride of what I had created all on my own. It was ego for sure. Once I got on board and started noticing all the small changes from the day-to-day, the technology, the modernized language to make acupuncture more approachable I realized as an outsider of “alternative medicine” he had something truly unique to bring to Acupuncture Atelier. Being a Wall Street veteran, and someone who doesn’t seek out acupuncture (yes it’s true) it makes him valuable for treating those who are reluctant to the modality. The ones who we want to help and treat the most. The ones NOT seeking out acupuncture are our favorite clients.

Afsheen slowly opened my eyes to how close minded I was being with my marketing and how I was closed off to the general population. We changed our business plan before opening the Mass location and within two years our calendars are completely filled with many patients who constantly tell us they would never have tried acupuncture before, but Atelier just makes it so easy. He taught me how to help people be open minded by not selling acupuncture, not getting into the “woo woo.” To stay real and honest. We no longer target to one demographic, we target everyone. Within only a couple years, he took my small practice and turned it into a true business. A business that supports our family and helps people to feel good every single day.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://acupunctureatelier.com/
• Instagram: Acupunctureatelier

Image Credits

Images taken/created by Afsheen Khosrowjerdi