Meet Sarah Mills

Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Sarah Mills. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Sarah, so great to have you with us and thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts with the community. So, let’s jump into something that stops so many people from going after their dreams – haters, nay-sayers, etc. We’d love to hear about how you dealt with that and persisted on your path.

“God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December.” – James Matthew Barrie, the author of Peter Pan

Every artist that dare’s to dream of supporting themselves with their work will hear about how they can’t do that or it’s not a real job. The first time I heard that sentiment I was in first grade working on a class project about what I wanted to be when I grew up. When I said I wanted to be an artist a couple of volunteer moms laughed in my face and told me I’d starve. I chose veterinarian instead. From then on my life was peppered with doubts and cruel comments from peers, to strangers, and even art teachers. The worst came from my ex husband.

I was married young. Like, really young right out of high school. I’d be willing to go into more detail later on but for the purposes of this question, I was simply very insecure. Christopher saw that in me right away and knew he could use it to manipulate me. The first time he hit me was the same week we got married and I felt so trapped. To escape mentally and emotionally I turned back to my art. At some point I realized if I could make money selling my art maybe it would be easy to escape him completely. Unfortunately he realized the same thing. One day when I returned home to him he had destroyed my entire life’s worth of art work. It took at least a dozen attempts but I was finally able to escape with my life and 3 pieces that had been hidden. His words still echo in my head more than a decade later. “You are worthless and disgusting and should be grateful I’m willing to settle for you. No one could ever love you. You have no talent. You are so stupid. You are a failure.”

For years before I got diagnosed with ADHD and received treatment, I would spend hours every night on the kitchen floor enduring panic attack after panic attack. There were moments I wanted to give up so badly. I got through it by clinging to what I call my “roses in December”, the snapshots of joy and beauty that made it possible to keep fighting in the darkest moments. I thought of my second grade teacher Mrs. Kathy Bolio who made me promise at the end of the year I would never stop creating art because she saw the talent in me even then. I thought of my Grandma Jill driving my cousin Loren and I around to look at Christmas lights while we were in the back seat cuddled up with blankets, hot chocolate, and popcorn. Pizza picnics in the park with my family. The first time I loved myself enough after Christopher to wear a swimsuit, and get in Lake Michigan to feel the cool water around me and the hot comforting sun on my shoulders. The first time I met my dog Buddy and foster failed before he even came home.

As I build my skills, my portfolio, and my business people may no longer question my talent but still second guess whether I can complete the massive project I’m working on now. I’m designing a Halloween theme tarot deck which means doing 78 paintings, all of which are 2 feet by 4 feet in size. Sometimes I question myself too. I hear them, I hear Christopher, I hear those volunteer moms. Just in the past couple weeks I expressed the fear they might be right to my current partner. The difference is, now my garden of roses has grown and it’s easier to return to. The girl that ran back to my booth at comic con to say she was sent on a quest to bring back her favorite artists business card, plucked one of my cards from the pile, and ran. The woman who began to cry as I described the meaning of one my paintings “The Lovers” and told me about her husband who had just passed. I gave her the print she wanted in hopes that it helped on her healing journey. Then this last weekend, the man who silently stood alone staring at my painting for “Strength” for an age before he decided to buy the print. After checking out he told me the day before was the 1 year anniversary of the day he almost died.

I persist in creating my art for my own healing journey, and the people who might find healing and strength when they discover my work as well.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

I sell my art work through my business Pumpkins & Pomegranates. I do almost exclusively spooky themed acrylic paintings. Right now my main project is designing a Halloween themed tarot deck.

I’ve been an artist my entire life but it was 2019 that I really found my voice and direction with my work. I had decided to attend a year long trade school for graphic design and while the technical skills I gained are important, the greatest lesson I learned was that I hate doing graphic design. I need to get my hands dirty with paint or clay to be fulfilled! That entire year my instructors were trying to convince me to stop doing projects that involved ghosts or skeletons because I would limit my potential clients. I just ignored them. Somewhere inside I already knew I was building my niche, and other spooky weirdos like me were the only people I really wanted to do my art work for.

It was at this time I was also processing my religious trauma and finding comfort in alternative spiritual practices like paganism. I was trying to learn to read tarot but found it difficult to hold all that information in my head. There are 78 cards in a traditional deck, all of which have deep meaning and symbolism. I decided it would be easier to learn and remember if I designed my own. Surprisingly by studying the meanings and giving myself boxes to work within, my creativity has exceeded what I thought myself capable of. I had hoped that by using the traditional meanings of the cards I could avoid writing a guidebook for the deck. However, in talking about the depth of each piece with people at fairs and expos I sell at, I’ve realized just how much of myself and my journey I’ve sewn in as well. I will be writing that book after all.

It’s hard to say when the deck will be finished entirely so for now I sell prints of individual cards I have finished painting. I have about 13 events this year but I’m most looking forward to fulfilling my dream of selling my art in Salem, MA this October 19 and 20th.

My big dream is to have a pop-up gallery with all 78 original paintings when I finish my deck. Then I would like to open a gallery specifically for spooky and weird artists to build their career and fund a sanctuary for pitbulls.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

My ability to embrace my shadow
One thing I cannot stand is toxic positivity. Sure I keep going because I have hope, it’s literally my middle name. But the constant “love and light” narrative is what I find to be really harmful. If that helps you keep going in the middle of a hard time then by all means use it, but in the long run I believe it’s important to dig into your shadow. We all have deep pain, shame, and trauma somewhere in our lives and I think pushing it down and packing it away like the forgotten month old left overs in the back of the fridge just causes it to rot inside us. I’ve always been eager to face those dark things inside me and give them a voice. By confronting them and giving them a home in the paint, they don’t weigh me down so drastically. My work means something to certain people because some of my pieces are infused with the anguish, joy, hope, grief they themselves are in the middle of.

Finding a way in a system that wasn’t built for me
My ADHD went undiagnosed or treated until I was 27 so in a lot of ways that made life difficult. I couldn’t make myself do tasks so many others found easy, I struggled to regulate my emotions, time constantly got away from me. I couldn’t start, stop, or focus on tasks when I needed to. In high school instead of learning the material I learned how to manipulate my teachers and by my senior year I had worked my way into a class schedule that was almost entirely art, band, and creative writing. Every step of the way I’ve thrown out the rules and tested for what works for me instead. I got married, divorced, and dropped out of college at 18. I bought my own house without a partner at 23. I painted a mural in my living room to turn my home into a magical forest. I’ve spent a lot of years working 3 or 4 jobs at a time to fund my art. I accommodate my neuro diversity by wearing comfy clothes all day, being kind to myself, and running the dishwasher twice if I have to. Rather than work with an established gallery or agent in the future, I want to open my own. The rules are not real. Often they’re based on awful oppressive systems. Stop “shoulding” yourself and write your own.

My ability to fail rapidly and try again.
Every time I hear some narrative about “quitters never win” I roll my eyes. Quitting is an important and empowering part of the process. Most people with a dream are going to fail and quit. The key is getting back up, taking what you learned to adjust your method, and trying again. Knowing when something isn’t right for you and being brave enough to quit is an important skill. Especially having ADHD, I’ve courted an extensive list of hyper focus hobbies and business ideas. Like many do, it would be easy for me to feel a lot of shame about quitting those things. In truth, if I were still trying to commit to every one of them I’d have no time, no energy, no joy and I never would have had the chance to find the path that best suits me.

How would you spend the next decade if you somehow knew that it was your last?

I’m. in the middle of a period of transition in my life. Attempting to transition away from office jobs and gigs to being a full time artist. Going from being single for 6 years to embracing a relationship full of love, kindness, and support. Learning to ask for and accept help because I don’t have to be independent 100% of the time. Separating what I really want and enjoy from what I thought I was supposed to want. Working through a lot of very rapid growth in my personal life and my skills. It is so incredibly hard to manage it all at once and I threw trying to do it gracefully right out the window. Luckily I find a lot of joy in these challenges and its fulfilling to take them on

Contact Info:

• Website: https://pumpkins-and-pomegranates.myshopify.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pumpkins.and.pomegranates
• Other: https://www.tiktok.com/@pumpkinsandpomegranates