We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Scarlett Santamaria. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Scarlett below.
Hi Scarlett, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
I developed my confidence by choosing the road of self-improvement and genuinely loving myself. There was a point in my life where I decided to pick up a self-help book called, “You’re a Badass,” by Jen Sincero and after that, my self-discovery journey began. Learning about myself through self-help books, therapy, and inspirational content online, gave me the tools to challenge my insecurities and limiting beliefs. Confidence ultimately starts with self-trust. Trust to make the right choices for yourself, to end self-destructive behaviors and negative self-talk, to respect yourself enough to set boundaries, to treat your body with love inside and out, to do things that align with your values, and more. I am certain that I can take accountability for my actions and that I’m the only one responsible for my life.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I started my journey in the nightlife industry as a mobile DJ business owner at 15 yrs old and performed at hundreds of events. I explored other roles in the industry including club promoting, gogo dancing, social media consulting, and more. In 2018 I created a college radio show called, Scarlett Letter Show, where I interviewed DJs from the underground electronic music scene. In 2020 the show became a youtube web series featuring interactive interviews with leaders of San Diego’s music and entertainment industry. Fast forward to now, my brand evolved into an entertainment company made of two elements: queer and kink-positive event producing, and nightlife content creation highlighting experiences and advocating for mental health.
My biggest project right now is my bi-yearly queer fetish event called, Scarlett Fever. I created the first edition in March 2022 because I felt that San Diego was missing a fetish party for people that are more fluid in their queer expression. We don’t have a lot of kink-positive events in Hillcrest besides straight goth events and leather bear parties. I’ve always struggled to fit in those spots as a pansexual Latinx and dominant woman and I know a lot of other people have too. Scarlett Fever is a space to unleash your dark and kinky side through playfulness, exploration, and self-expression. This is for the ones that are more “in between,” the bisexuals, pansexuals, and the curious and gays and straights. I encourage everyone to come dressed in whatever makes them feel sexy so they can live their wildest fantasies.
This spring 2023 edition will be the biggest one yet and it’s taking place at Rich’s San Diego on Thursday, March 30th from 10 pm – 2 am. We will feature dark techno DJs, fetish performers, shibari suspension, gogo dancers, lifestyle vendors, and more. This time, we are fortunate to collaborate with AHF Pharmacy, a free std clinic and the largest provider of HIV/AIDS care in the U.S. The first 40 people to get tested and mention Scarlett Fever will get a free entry to the event. Our goal is to promote a sex-positive lifestyle and provide a safe and judgment-free space. I know that San Diego is still a conservative city but we’re here to break those boundaries, this is only the beginning.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
The three skills that where most impactful for my journey:
* Adaptability: we live in an ever-changing world filled with uncertainty. You have to be ready to adjust to new environments and be a creative problem solver. The moment you get comfortable, life hits you with an unexpected twist. See these challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. If you resist evolution, you’ll fall behind and get stagnant. You never know how life is going to unfold, you just have to keep moving forward. Change gives you the chance to innovate and become a better version of yourself. Think of it as an upgrade on your life, like when you get a brand new phone and you’re excited about all the new features.
* Emotional intelligence: learning how to manage your emotions and understand others around you is essential for success. Working in nightlife is not for the faint of heart, you have to grow a thick skin to deal with all types of personalities and obstacles that come your way. Building your emotional intelligence will help you become aware of what triggers you, not let people’s negativity affect you, be able to solve conflicts in a constructive way, dare to have difficult conversations, empathize and relate to others, know when to stand up for yourself, set boundaries, etc.
* Money management: Our parents aren’t always the best teachers on how to manage our money. This means that we have to seek that knowledge elsewhere, through books, financial advisors, mentors, or online content. Information is abundant online so, ignorance isn’t an excuse anymore. One of the rules that I have for myself is to not be in unnecessary debt and only buy things that I really need. I keep track of my expenses and budget my income if I have a big goal like traveling abroad. I’ve seen how debt has ruined people’s lives and I learned from their mistakes to make better choices for myself.
What challenge are you currently facing?
Oddly enough, I struggle to rest. The overachiever and perfectionist side of me is in constant battle with my free-flowing and chill side. I feel like I always have to be productive and then I push myself to keep going until I get sick and my body forces me to rest. I learned to see rest as a form of productivity through therapy, but haven’t mastered it yet. It’s difficult to find a balanced life and not feel overwhelmed. I’m constantly getting out of my comfort zone and challenging myself when I should probably be giving myself a break. I might be a bit of an emotional masochist.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/scarlettlettershow/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/scarlettlettershow
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/scarlettlettershow
Image Credits:
Xing Photo Studio, Joey Guzzino, William Kerner, Xpozd Photography
