We were lucky to catch up with Selene László recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Selene, appreciate you sitting with us today. Maybe we can start with a topic that we care deeply about because it’s something we’ve found really sets folks apart and can make all the difference in whether someone reaches their goals. Self-discipline seems to have an outsized impact on how someone’s life plays out, so we’d love to hear about how you developed yours?
My self-disciple comes from dedicating my life to ballet for fifteen years. I had to be disciplined in the most brutal form of dance and because I was in school. I had to make sure all my work was done on time because I had dance for three to five hours every day after school, and sometimes there was an hour-long drive to/from the city where my classes were. I was also on a competition team, which took over my weekends. As a dancer, or any athlete for that matter, who has dedicated their life to a sport, you have to be disciplined not only in the sport you do but also in the things you do outside of that.
Similar to my life as a dancer, I do many things now as someone in their late 20s. I work, I train in sport karate, and judo/jiujitsu. I am in graduate school for counselling and am the drummer on my church’s worship team. I have to be disciplined in doing my schoolwork so I can go to work, the dojo and church without being overwhelmed or stressed. Don’t get me wrong; all I do now is not easy by any means, but my self-discipline from my years as a dancer (plus boundaries, therapy, and a good self-care routine) got me through it.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
Hi everyone. My name is Selene Yelena László (pronouns fae/faer), and I am 27 years old. I am in graduate school and part of the MAC (Masters of Counselling) program. I am working towards specialising in holistic therapy and substance use & addiction. I would love to work with the LGBT community because there are high rates of substance use & addiction within that population, and as someone who is part of the community myself, I think I could really get to my clients more easily because I know what the negative parts of being gay are like. What is most exciting and unique about this is that I’ve wanted to be a therapist for 10 years, and I believe I could make a difference in people’s lives. I’ve had many friends and professors tell me what a great therapist I will be one day. It’s validating to hear that and something to remember when I doubt myself.
I’ve been an actor consistently since I was 18. I loved acting growing up, but ballet took up all my time. I stopped taking dance classes after high school, and that’s when I was able to start acting consistently. I went on to major in theatre studies (acting emphasis). I like to call my degree “communications but on stage.” That’s essentially what it is; we’re learning to communicate with people, but we do it on a stage. Half my classes were communication classes. Those classes, plus all the theatre I’ve done, really helped me get more attuned with the tone of voice and nonverbal language, which will definitely aid me in my career as a therapist.
Acting is taking a backseat because I am currently training in martial arts. I love it, dare I say, more than ballet. I train in sport karate and then a mix of judo/jiujitsu. In sport karate, we learn sparring (not a fan, but I am trying to think of myself as a fictional character to make it more fun). We’ve learned about different types of kicks, punches, and blocks for sparring. In sparring, we’re putting all of that together. We also do general fitness workouts sometimes. We also learned katas, which, to me, are like a dance combination but use punches, kicks, and blocks instead of dance moves. Katas are complicated but a lot of fun for me. When my coach was on vacation, I learnt the three universal katas and taught them in class (since I was coaching then). I had a BLAST doing that.
In the judo/jiujitsu class, we focus on the grappling aspect of the sport. I love rolling around on the mat with my classmates. What makes it so special for me is that, kinda like dance, when I’m on the mat, I am solely focused on what I am doing, trying to pin or submit my opponent before they pin or submit me. That’s the same with ballet. I was focused on what I was doing. My world outside the dance studio/dojo stops as if I’ve walked through a magic door. I became Selene, the ballerina, and now Selene, the martial artist. It’s like a more active version of meditation for me.
During my time as an undergrad, I became chronically ill. I have too many health conditions to list. The primary ones are Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS), Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hEDS) and Functional Neurological Disorder (FND). Both FND and CRPS conditions overlap in terms of how they work. In CRPS, the brain only knows how to send pain signals down to the affected area, and the nerves in said area only pick up pain signals. For me, it’s my legs that are affected. With FND, parts of the brain don’t communicate well. The way I explain it is that the hardware (my brain) is fine, but the software it runs on is slow. My brain runs on Windows 10. The most prominent FND symptom I deal with is non-epileptic seizures. They look exactly like epileptic seizures (most of mine are petit mal/absence seizures), but they last a lot longer than epileptic absence seizures would. Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is a connective tissue disorder affecting the collagen in the body. Collagen is the glue that holds the connective tissue together (which is found throughout the body). My shoulders are affected the most. Some ligaments in my shoulders are loose, which causes a lot of issues and pain.
The biggest obstacle I face with CRPS is the feeling like I’m being burnt alive from the inside out. It’s the most painful condition known to man, so the fact that I do all I do, chronic pain, seizures and all, is still mind-blowing to me.
The other thing I am most passionate about is the affirmation and acceptance of the LGBT community within the Christian faith. I became Christian at 17 and came out as a lesbian at 21. I’ve definitely had my fair share of homophobia/religious trauma, and I left the faith. I didn’t return to the Christian faith until 2022, when I attended a weekend retreat by a group called Q Worship Collective. It’s a group that is specifically geared to queer Christians. It was life-changing and still the best weekend of my life. That is when I really started to speak out about homophobia and religious trauma. It’s something I am a big advocate for. Later, I learned about a much bigger conference called Q Christian Fellowship. Both organisations have annual conferences. All of them have been life-changing for me. It’s where I feel it in my soul, where I am meant to be. Those weekends make me come alive.
Given all the negative things queer Christians hear about Jesus, I like to also share the good messages from Jesus. For example, I need help with feeling like I am enough. Jesus is perfect and enough, and He doesn’t create imperfect images. So I, being made by Jesus and in His image, I am perfect, and enough exactly I am and exactly I am not. I am perfect and enough in whatever state I am in. I know Jesus believes this about me, and I need to work on accepting it about myself, too. If He extends his mercy and grace to me, then I am perfect and enough to receive it.
This applies to everyone (religious or not); you are perfect and enough exactly as you are and as you are not. You are enough.
If you had to pick the three most important qualities to develop, which three would you say matter most?
A big quality for me is hard work. I worked hard in high school and as a dancer. I worked hard in undergrad despite the health issues I faced. I work especially hard now doing all that I do. I wouldn’t be as successful with them if I didn’t work hard.
Passion is another quality that has taken me far. Passion led me to dedicate my childhood/high school years to ballet. Passion is what got me through undergrad and is getting me through grad school. Passion is what gets me to the dojo every week, even when I am in more pain than average, or I’ve had a bunch of seizures. Passion led me to watch grappling tutorials on YouTube and practice them with a friend to catch my classmates off guard. I’ve only been doing this for a year now. I am already a purple belt (third rank in the intermediate category). I’m one of the fastest students to move up the ranks like this. My passion for what I do at the dojo has taken me this far.
Resilience is the other quality that’s gotten me so far. I like to say that I’ve “lived a lot of lives” because of everything I have been through. Heath issues, medication side effects, depression, panic attacks, chronic pain, seizures. I’ve never felt resilient because I am the subject of those experiences. But when those on the outside remind me of all I’ve overcome, that reminds me of my resilience.
To those who are early in whatever journey you are on, don’t let go of your beliefs about yourself. If you think you are strong, you ARE strong. If you have good communication skills with others, set boundaries, work hard, and are passionate about what you do, you will get far.
Always remember, “I am enough.”
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
The book series that has significantly influenced my development is Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas. I say this series because the character of Celaena Sardothien is tough as nails and the most feared assassin in the series. She has her human moments, too, with sadness, depression, and PTSD. She loves to read books and wear the latest fashions. She’s a very complex character that has gone through so many highs and lows. Even when life knocks her down, she works through it and gets back up.
The most valuable lesson I’ve learned is that all your complexities, the good and the bad, make you whole. They are all part of you.
One of the lines repeated throughout the series is, “My name is Celaena Sardothien, and I will not be afraid.” The name in that line is changed a few times in the series, but it appears in most, if not all, of the books. The other one I like is “You do not yield.” I have a tattoo that says “You do not yield.” and “I will not be afraid” underneath it. I use that as an affirmation to myself a lot. “You do not yield” to me (and in the context of the series) is “do not stop.” “I will not be afraid is self-explanatory. So, in my words, it goes, “You do not stop, do not be afraid.” My anxiety gets the better of me, and those tattoos are a reminder to push forward despite the black panic I feel sometimes.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson, Surrender Experiment by Michael A Singer and Resurrection by Paul Selig have also been significant influences in my life. The first two books have taught me about confidence and patience. Even though it wasn’t written as such, the last book has been a spiritual/religious text for me.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.theyelenaeffect.com
- Instagram: @selenelaszlobjj
- Youtube: https://youtube.com/@Selenelaszlobjj
