We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Shae Pepper. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Shae below.
Shae, sincerely appreciate your selflessness in agreeing to discuss your mental health journey and how you overcame and persisted despite the challenges. Please share with our readers how you overcame. For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
Unbeknownst to me until about 15 years ago, I’ve struggled with the signs and symptoms of anxiety and depression my whole life. They became overwhelming in my early 20s when I moved to England as a newlywed and tried to navigate all that moving to a new country, being with a new partner and new family, while also securing a new job and home would entail. My life felt impossible to navigate during that time, and looking back, I wish I had someone to support me through my mental health journey, as I try to do with others now – by living unashamedly and openly with my mental health challenges and sharing my experiences with others.
Fast forward a few years – we moved back to the USA and I got a full-time job with healthcare – if you struggle with your mental health and live in the USA (or other countries without universal healthcare options) you understand what a game changer this was. I was able to get the mental health care I needed through medication and therapy. I started working in the mental health field as well and that led to a greater understanding of my own mental health challenges.
Even before this, my entire professional career as a Youth Worker and Community Development professional included learning about and teaching others about social and emotional skills – all of which also helped me understand more about myself, my own mental health challenges, and how to best communicate my needs. One of the biggest tools I learned was the need to advocate for myself and the importance of taking responsibility for my own mental health. No one else can do that work for me. I have to find the tricks and tools that work best for me and apply them day in and day out.
Over the last seven years, that has been a lifesaver for me because all of my major community supports for my mental health went away. You see, in 2017 my husband and I sold our house and all of our things and embarked on a 7-year, 50-state road trip around the USA. We chose to leave our traditional jobs, our security of having a home, our friends, families, and community networks (including doctors) to see the entire country. Having those tools that I’d been developing for the eight years before the road trip became imperative if I was going not only to survive, but thrive, during the road trip. Here are my top three tips, tricks, and tools that I’ve used over the last seven years to support my mental health and overcome the challenges of anxiety and depression.
1. “What Is” – One of the struggles I have with my anxiety is the “What Ifs” (what if this happens or that happens) and many suggest flipping that negative “what if” to a positive “what if.” For example, “What if this post doesn’t get any likes (or worse gets negative reactions?” and to flip that you might think “What if it goes viral and changes my life?” Personally, I find that looking into the future with “what ifs” is still incredibly unhelpful for my anxiety – I’m still imagining pretend scenarios. I choose to use “What is” – when I feel anxious and start down the “What if” road I stop and say “What is happening right now is… (fill in the blank).” For example, I get especially anxious when I fly and that is problematic for someone who travels full-time and loves to go new places around the world and those “What ifs” just jump right in – “What if there’s something wrong with the plane, what if the pilot is having their own mental health challenges right now, what if, what if, what if.” I now say “What is happening is I’m on the plane. The air is in my face from the vent and the window shade is open. The flight attendant is serving drinks, which they do when it’s safe to move around, etc.” By grounding myself in the moment and “What is” actually happening I’m able to reduce my anxiety and not go into a negative mental spiral that my anxiety so loves to take me on.
2. “I feel” messages – By learning to accurately communicate my feelings to my partner, and myself, I’m able to identify what’s going on, address what needs to be addressed internally, and get the support I need externally. The way the technique works is very simple but hard to put into practice since it requires vulnerability. “I feel (insert your feeling word) when (what is happening/has happened to make you feel that way) and I want (insert what you want or need in that moment).” It sounds simple but it takes a lot of practice to keep the focus on the feelings, problems, and solutions rather than placing blame on yourself or the other person involved by using “you messages.” For example, you feel anxious and you want to tell the people around you but you’re not sure how to do it. It’s easy to slip into “you messages” even to yourself: To self: “You’re overreacting.” To others: “You make me feel alone.” Rather than the “I feel” messages that will help move the solutions forward. For example (to self): I feel afraid, when I have to talk to my boss about the fact that I’m at capacity and can’t take on any more work, I need to speak up and advocate for myself.” For example (to others): “I feel unheard, when you play video games while I’m trying to speak to you about this issue that’s important to me, I want you to pause your game while I speak.” By clearly identifying, and then communicating, what you’re really feeling and the reasons for it to yourself and others you can get the support you need internally and externally for your mental health challenges.
3. I got a tattoo – Ok, ok, this may not be the solution for everyone for personal or religious reasons but hear me out. What it really should say is “I learned the importance of affirmations and the value of keeping them in the forefront of my mind.” But, I got a tattoo sounds much cooler. I found a quote that resonated with me. I couldn’t let it go. I was 35 and had never even wanted or contemplated a tattoo in my life. But I couldn’t let that quote go, and I knew that by having it as a daily reminder on my skin, in my line of vision, I’d have another positive tool to rely on in moments of anxiety. And it’s worked! My tattoo says “Fear doesn’t prevent death, it prevents life.” For me, the biggest things I fear all relate back to a fear of death – death of myself (too soon and not having accomplished all the things I wanted to), death of others (I’ll be all alone and will spiral), etc. But I realized, that all my worry was doing was making me afraid to try new things, go new places, and experience life to the fullest. It’s rational to be afraid, it’s irrational to avoid things that can or do bring you joy because of that fear. On our 7-year, 50-state road trip this tattoo has helped me – ride the wooden rollercoaster that was once owned by Elvis, do small cliff jumps in canyons in Vermont and Wisconsin, go on aerial trams in California, New Mexico, and Wyoming, and to try Rocky Mountain Oysters and brain sandwiches in Colorado and Indiana. It’s also helped me get on every flight (over 20) despite my more severe flight anxiety.
Learning to use these tools (and a few others) I’ve been much happier and more full-filled, even when those other supports like a community network, local friends, and other things that provide stability when anxiety and depression strike.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
After 20+ years of travel and working with young people, including educating young people while traveling on a 7-year, 50-state road trip since 2018, it’s time to pull those skills together into Ignite Travel Group, Inc. Ignite Travel is a new, teen travel company that exists to change the face of teen travel.
Our mission is to bring travel experiences to young people who have been marginalized from the travel experience either because of their race, cultural reasons, gender identity, sexual orientation, or financial barriers (and especially when those issues intersect) We offer teen travel experiences that are reflective of what we think travel is – local, cultural foods and experiences, educational sites, adventures that are purely for fun and those “can’t miss” bucket list items in a location. We also include caring, trained youth work staff who help guide young people in learning and recording a few of the 40+ transferrable career and educational skills that are experienced when you travel; we do this through a special travel journal that will be both a souvenir of their trip and a record of the skills they learned.
We also know the value of community and want to create a community of like-minded families and adults who want to support our mission. They can do that by coming on one (or more!) of our adult-only and family trips. These trips include a scholarship for teen travel to help break down those barriers to travel for many young people. At Ignite Travel we believe that travel is not just a luxury, but a necessity for future global citizens and we plan to disrupt the teen travel industry with this goal in mind.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Whether it was taking the leap to move to another country (one I’d only been to once for 2 weeks and the other I moved to having never visited), selling everything to embark on a 7- year, 50 state road trip, or starting my own non-profits and businesses, these are the three most important qualities and areas of knowledge that have gotten me through.
1. Bravery – Bravery is an important quality and many people – especially those Gryffindor’s out there – might say it’s either something you have or something you don’t. However, I believe that it’s a skill. One that you can develop. Your brain will make pathways when you constantly follow certain thought processes – like ruts in the ground from a wagon – and the deeper those ruts go the harder it is to deviate from them and create new pathways. But, it is possible. Bravery is one of those skills that you need to practice – especially if it’s not something you just “magically” seem to have. You need to move past your fear, through the discomfort of it, to take bold steps.
2. Intrapersonal Skills – You need to learn about yourself. You need to be curious. You need to recognize your positive and negative attributes and face them honestly. You need to work on yourself. You need to be willing to get constructive feedback. You need to be content with who you are and find the areas of discontentment and change them. Sometimes, you are who you are and everyone else can just deal with it. But other times, especially if you see negative patterns throughout your life, you need to be prepared to evolve into the person you know you truly want to be.
3. Honesty – I don’t just mean honesty, like integrity, of course, that’s a foundational character trait that will help you go far. But honesty goes so much deeper and it encompasses the other two qualities and skills I mentioned above. You need to live honestly. You need to be honest with yourself – about your challenges, needs, wants, and desires. You need to be honest with yourself about your skills and your areas of growth. You need to be honest with others about your needs and when you need their help with something. You need to be honest enough to take classes, find a mentor or life coach, go to a therapist, and other things that will help you move forward in your journey. You need honest goals that are SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timebound). You need to be honest with others and have boundaries that meet your needs and keep you focused on your goals.
To close, maybe we can chat about your parents and what they did that was particularly impactful for you?
The most impactful things my parents did for me were instilling in me a love of reading, curating a curiosity about the world, and emboldening my entrepreneurial spirit.
I wouldn’t be the person I am today without my love of reading. I love a good fiction book to escape into when the pressures of reality are so great and I need a break. I learn more about myself when I read business books and self-improvement books. I challenge my own views and perceptions when I read online articles and opinions. I learned the necessary professional skills to grow my career through my academic reading and studies. My love of animals comes from reading “Gorillas in the Mist” by Dian Fossey at age 10, my love of magical places comes from reading the “Harry Potter Series” by JK Rowling at 19, my love of local places comes from reading “America Unchained” by Dave Gorman at age 25, my love of community education comes from reading “Pedagogy of the Oppressed” by Paulo Freire at age 32, and my love of overcoming negative thoughts comes from reading “Soundtracks” by Jon Acuff at 42. All of these books (and more) have helped craft my hobbies and passions today.
I love a good fun fact and that comes from my parents asking and answering questions honestly my whole life. They also encouraged me to go and find the answers for myself – “because I said so” was rarely spoken in our home. I was always encouraged to ask “why” and it’s helped me in so many ways. By approaching other people, cultures, situations, and challenges with curiosity I’m able to be open-minded about different ideas and keep my own emotions under control when I might feel frustrated or anxious. It has also led to my love of travel which is what much of my life revolves around. When you approach new things in a travel experience with curiosity, instead of judgment, it opens you up to learning more about yourself and your values.
My parents are risk-takers. Does it always work out? No. But do they keep trying? Absolutely. It’s what’s led both of them to own their own businesses throughout my life. Some with more success than others, but always with a goal to create and craft their own life on their terms. They’ve always encouraged me (and my husband, who is traditionally more concerned with the “hows” of life – how are we going to pay those bills, how are we going to make that work, etc., and the security that not being an entrepreneur can bring) to try things – create the website, start the blog, open the business, go on the road trip, etc. And that has led to some of the most challenging, but most rewarding experiences of my life.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://ignitetraveltours.com
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/ignitetraveltours.com
- Facebook: https://facebook.com/ignitetraveltours.com
- Other: https://nohomejustroam.com
Image Credits
Shae Pepper Photography and Ignite Travel Group, Inc.
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
