We recently connected with Shina Reynolds and have shared our conversation below.
Shina, thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?
This article focuses on my career as an author, but I want to get a little more personal for this first question. Because while I’m an author, yes, I’m also a complex human—shaped by my experiences—just like the rest of us. And I feel a responsibility when discussing resiliency to acknowledge that we, as individuals, often cultivate resiliency from experiencing trauma.
Growing up in an unstable environment with some toxic family dynamics forced me to become more resilient. Facing difficult situations is necessary for resilience to exist. And having resilience and the memories of what lead you to being resilient in the first place can be a gift, by showing yourself that you can overcome some challenging situations.
I’ve had my fair share of difficult situations in my life. And although I wish many of them hadn’t occurred, I am thankful that I could overcome many of the obstacles I’ve faced, time and time again.
When I was a child and a teen, life forced me to be resilient. Now I think of being resilient as more of a choice. Even though, yes, life still throws its challenges, I can decide how I want to respond to the situation (I.e. do I try to get through it or do I give up?). Whereas, as a child and as a teen, if I wasn’t resilient, well, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
As an adult who endured childhood trauma and PTSD, I’m not fond of people using the term “strong” to describe those who have faced difficult situations. Because saying someone is strong for going through trauma is almost as if you’re saying if they didn’t go through that trauma, they’re not strong. But that’s not how that works. That’s why I prefer people to tell others who go through challenging situations that they’re resilient.
Resilience and strength are different. If you look up their definitions, you’ll find that strength is the ability to resist or withstand force, stress, or pressure. Whereas resilience is the ability to adapt to change and to come back from adversity.
Both strength and resilience are noble traits. And both have their pros and cons. However, I want to point out that forced resiliency and strength are not always great.
In an ideal world, we could pick our battles in life, and yet, we rarely get that luxury.
So life forces us to decide to be resilient, or to let life pass us by without trying to overcome our obstacles—or sometimes we aren’t able to properly cope with things (which I want to point out does not make anyone weak—it makes them human).
That being said, now?
A few things that have, and continue to help me:
1. Therapy and working through the grief, hurt, shame, and fears that come from trauma.
2. Showing myself more compassion, patience, and being kind to myself. Listening to the parts of me that need to be comforted. And being aware that there are still parts of me that don’t feel resilient or safe—and that are afraid, but are trying to trust the more secure parts of me. (Check out the Internal Family Systems Model to learn more about Parts Work—it made a big difference in my life).
3. Having a great support system—for me, namely from my partner, my father, my in-laws, and my therapists. I understand not everyone has a support system, and I feel for them. Even I would like more support from my family of origin. But finding people who love and support me has helped me through many tough times. Installing healthy boundaries is also important. Being able to recognize when to leave an unhealthy relationship (and actually doing so) has made me more resilient.
So I’d say, find your people. Try not to let fear hold you back from making meaningful connections that feel right for you. No one should go through life alone or without love and support.
Today, I try to (try to) stay focused on the things that I can do to improve my life. And as an author, being resilient is helpful, indeed (more on that later).
I consider myself a resilient person. But where I got it from originally, well, I don’t wish that on others. There needs to be more conversations about being labeled resilient and/or strong and the pressure that follows.
Because those who cannot overcome their traumas and adversities by being resilient and/or strong are no less valuable than anyone else. They are not less-than. They are important. And they deserve happiness, safety, and love—just like anyone else.
Like others who are resilient, I gained my resilience from challenging situations. But it’s important to support and acknowledge everyone, not just those who overcome obstacles.
After all, we are all human.
And ironically, it takes some resilience to be resilient, doesn’t it?
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
I’m the multi-award-winning author of the young adult fantasy novel, A Light in the Sky. It is the first book of the Clashing Skies Series. Book II in the series is up next.
I have a passion for writing imaginative stories, particularly in the fantasy and sci-fi genres. My characters are resilient and navigating through their own identities and purpose. Characters who face challenges but also rise to them. I write books about freedom and what it means to be free. In my list of future story ideas, freedom is often a theme. The tagline on my debut novel, A Light in the Sky, is, “How far would you fly for freedom?”. I also love combining genres, as seen in my novel, A Light in the Sky, which incorporates fantasy and sci-fi elements.
And I write books that are ready to be translated to the screen (waves at film/tv producers). As someone with a background in acting and film, I visualize everything I write before I put it on the page.
I love writing, world-building, and creating places for readers to explore and/or escape to. I love hearing from readers and knowing that a story I wrote brought them joy.
One thing I’m most proud of, other than publishing A Light in the Sky, was writing and directing the book trailer for my debut novel. It was so much fun to use my film background to make a live-action book trailer for ALITS (you can check it out on my website).
Also, I’m proud that A Light in the Sky has won twelve awards. I’m beyond grateful for them.
And if I can help one person not feel so alone, I have done something I am proud of.
I hope if you read A Light in the Sky; it plays out in your head like an amazing movie or a tv show and that you enjoy the ride! And I hope it brings you some happiness.
If you’d like to keep up with when my next book is coming out, please visit my website and subscribe to my free email newsletter. I also offer signed copies of A Light in the Sky on my website. You can find the audiobook, ebook, paperback, and hardcover versions of the book wherever books are sold.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Looking back, on my journey so far as an author (and as a person), there are some qualities, skills, and traits that stand out to me as being helpful.
1: Resiliency
I wrote about resiliency earlier and mentioned that there are pros and cons. And that forced resiliency isn’t great. However, being able to be resilient on your journey as an author is helpful. It can assist you in regaining focus and moving forward positively following a challenge. And as an author, there will be many challenges. A positive and realistic mindset helps overcome obstacles, such as critical reviews, low sales, and delayed book releases. As well as it can help you stay focused on your goals. Or getting back on track after losing focus for a period. Being resilient can help you get back into the swing of things.
2: Open-Mindedness, Curiosity, and Continued Learning
Ok, that’s a three-in-one answer there, but stay with me. These three things together are a sweet trifecta. Staying curious with an open mind leads to some great continued learning. If you stay open to new ideas, concepts, and critiques, with a curiosity, it can help you get out of a rigid way of thinking and expand. I think it’s super important to always give yourself the space to continue to learn and grow, not only as an author, but as a person. And that comes from staying open-minded and approaching new things with curiosity (as opposed to judgement).
3: Focus & Discipline
Yes, another combined answer here. And full disclosure, these two things are two of my biggest challenges, but they’re also something I’m constantly working on. Having the discipline to be focused and the focus to be disciplined. Sometimes, I wonder how other people have such great focus and discipline (my husband, for one). To reach your goals, they are pivotal skills to work on. For instance, in order to finish writing a book, you’re going to need to employ both skills. Your book will not finish itself, after all. So focus and discipline are important. And while I’m no expert on how to best foster these skills, I would implore others (if they’re not already proficient with them) to learn more about techniques. If you can start with a foundation of focus and discipline, I think you’ll be more likely to reach your goals.
That brings me to a bonus trait/skill to have (from the get-go, ideally):
3.5: Organization. Again, working on this one. But it definitely is helpful for having focus and discipline. The more organized I am, the more I’m able to focus and to be disciplined with my work and life.
With all that being said, I want to add one last thing to remember:
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” (attributed to Theodore Roosevelt) Stay in your own lane. Try your hardest not to compare your journey to anyone else’s. It’s a fruitless endeavour—and another thing I am working on. It’s something people naturally do, but there’s a freedom that comes from being on your own journey, and staying authentic to it and yourself. Show yourself some compassion.
You are worthy of living your unique journey!
Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?
Hands down, my husband, Ben, has been my greatest supporter since I met him. Not only has he been instrumental in me starting and continuing my career as an author, but he also was there cheering me on as I went through college (where we first met). I’m in awe of his character and his drive. He is super smart, focused, and disciplined. He always shares the insightful things he learns (he’s a voracious reader—ironically, mainly of non-fiction, but he still reads my work), in the books he reads.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.shinareynolds.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shinareynolds/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorshinareynolds
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/shinareynolds/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/shinareynolds
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn5882dzcSC7om-gK14pBaA
- Other: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/58736842-a-light-in-the-sky
