We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Shirley Thiessen a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Shirley, so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?
In 2012 I was living my best life, or so I thought. A fulfilling career, happily married, and excited to see my son and daughter making good choices as they launched into adulthood. Life was great.
And then the unimaginable happened.
A workplace accident killed my son only days after his wedding.
Burying a child is out of order. Parts of me felt buried, too. I spiraled into a dark place of hopelessness.
Not only did I lose my beloved son, I lost my sense of purpose.
Over many heart wrenching months of trying to reconcile to my loss, I noticed something that lifted my perspective.
Caring friends surrounded me. They lent me hope when I had lost mine. They believed for me that good days were still ahead when I couldn’t imagine it. Empathy was their superpower. Their gentle presence reminded me that I was not alone.
Not every grieving soul is blessed with caring friends. Many feel utterly alone in their sorrow.
Empathy is oxygen for every human soul. It’s saying, “Your pain is my pain.” In fact, empathy is the untapped advantage of healthy relationships. And yet our society is in short supply.
The younger me once thought empathy skills belonged to other people. I was not gifted in this area. When someone I knew lost their special person, my discomfort with death and grief made my responses unhelpful.
Most people feel uncertain about what is helpful to say or do to support a grieving friend. Fear of doing the wrong thing may stop them from doing anything. Avoiding the griever isn’t a neutral response. It feels like indifference to a broken heart.
Months after losing my son, my foggy mind began to clear. My purpose came into focus.
Aware of the great lack of caring grief companions, I resolved to help meet the need rather than complain about it.
Changing careers, I became a grief coach and educator. I am obsessed with the fact that no one should grieve alone.
My approach to writing and speaking incorporates best practices that can help anyone to effectively support those who are grieving.
Rory Vaden offers this advice: “You’re most powerfully positioned to serve the person you once were.”
This statement aptly describes how I have found my purpose. And it can be an effective guide for you, too.
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Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
As founder of a nonprofit, CornerBend Grief Ministries, based in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, every day I am aware of people who feel ambushed by the loss of a loved one.
The death of my son at the young age of 23 years heightened my compassion for others who are bereaved.
I will always be grateful for the empathy expressed to me by caring individuals. They helped me find my way through the wilderness of grief. I want to pay it forward.
When I discover a community, a workplace, a church or a group of friends willing to learn how to effectively companion with the bereaved, I get excited. I want to lean in and help them discover how empathy can reignite a griever’s ability to hope again.
Hope Heroes is an on-line course I created, that explains how to share hope with people who are hurting, based on Christian values. With simple and practical concepts, you can learn to be a caring grief companion.
As the author of “The Little Black Funeral Dress” I love to see people leverage this quick read to give to grieving friends as an encouraging resource. The book also serves as a primer for those who need ideas how to show support.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
In the people who most positively influenced my life, I noticed many impressive skills. But these 3 qualities stood out:
– active listener
– express empathy
– value vulnerability
As I lean into my purpose, these qualities are imperative for me to develop.
I didn’t cultivate these attributes well in my young adult life. I had to learn to apply them.
But just like muscles need exercise to grow stronger, consistent use of these skills strengthened my capacity.
And it brings me joy to see the positive impact I can have in the lives of others.
It’s also your choice to make. Your ability to listen, empathize, and be vulnerable will enhance your connection with others.
Okay, so before we go we always love to ask if you are looking for folks to partner or collaborate with?
I love to collaborate with people who want to leverage their loss for a meaningful purpose. They don’t want to waste their pain.
Perhaps that’s you, but you’re uncertain which path to choose on your grief journey. Going solo can be frustrating. An experienced grief companion can help you find your way with greater ease.
I remember what it’s like to be paralyzed by the darkness of grief and hopelessness. I couldn’t imagine that anything good could come from losing my son.
The empathy of others shed light, so I could see the next step. And their compassion gave me courage to move forward even when I didn’t know what was around the corner. Each step brought me closer to finding a purpose for my pain.
If you want to partner with me to discover your purpose, please reach out. Shirley@cornerbend.com
Grief has not disqualified you from a meaningful life. Your pain can have a purpose. The choice is yours.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.shirleythiessen.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cornerbendshirley
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/shirleythiessen
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/shirleythiessen
- Twitter: n/a
- Youtube: shirleythiessen
- Yelp: n/a
- SoundCloud: n/a
- Other: https://www.cornerbend.com
Image Credits
Wedding – Tiffany Walde Photography Funeral – Jordan Klukas Images of Shirley – Keeleyjoy Photos My son – Shirley Thiessen
