Meet Sophy Burnham

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Sophy Burnham a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Sophy, really happy you were able to join us today and we’re looking forward to sharing your story and insights with our readers. Let’s start with the heart of it all – purpose. How did you find your purpose?

I truly believe that I did not find my purpose. It found me, and then it wouldn’t let go. I first suspected I’d be a writer when I failed my 5th grade English exam. I failed because the first question was, “Finish this paragraph,” and two blue books and 45 minutes later I was still lost in writing. I never got to question 2. . “Ooh, she’s going to be a writer,” the teacher laughed and let me take the exam over and moved me on to 6th grade. But I was befuddled. I didn’t know what had happened.
I went to girls’ military boarding school, which finished me for self-esteem and confidence, then to Smith College — where I blossomed in freedom. There I took the one creative writing course offered, and got mediocre grades. And still I knew I had nothing to say.
I got a job as a clerk-typist (just above laborer) at the Smithsonian Institution, got married (which is what you did in those pre-women’s liberation times), and was enjoying myself enormously. In four years I made 3 films for the Smithsonian and public TV (yes, technically I was a secretary, bur I had a lovely boss), and I had just promoted myself to head of films at the SI, decided I wasn’t going to be writer but a film director — when my husband moved us (including a new baby) to New York, where he had a taken a job with Walter Cronkite.
There I learnt that young girls don’t write and direct and produce films The most I could do was work for the research assistant to the associate producer’s assistant. So… I decided to teach myself to write.
One door closes. Move into the corridor. I had no intention of paying someone (a school) to teach me to write. I would sell articles to magazines, and the editors would give me training. Right away I sold a piece to the Ladies Home journal.
That was the last success I had for two years, as if The Universe, my angels, wanted me to show how much I was willing to try, to work. But gradually I got one assignment, and then another, and soon I was writing for New York Magazine, the New York Times Magazine, Esquire, Town & Country, Redbook. ITALICS?
One day a publisher, seeing my two-part cover story in New York magazine about the interlocking boards of the major art museums, asked me write about the art world. At first I turned them down: I had no interest in the art world. But then I reconsidered: a publisher wants me to write a book, something I’ve always wanted. OK, I’ll do it! And so my first book, The Art Crowd, became a huge best seller. I was suddenly a celebrity. It was frightening. I ran away, I knew I wasn’t ready for such success. Not yet.
That’s why I say the work chooses the person; I didn’t have a prayer of not writing. I’m happiest when I am using words.
I would like to add that I had no confidence. I remember taking a class at the in short story writing at the New School. I had written some, but never dared to show them to anyone. At this first class, the teacher said that he would read the best stories to discuss, and we could admit to authorship or stay silent.
He picked my story first: “This writer is so brilliant and so talented,” he said, “that it’s a shame–”
At that, I pushed back my chair with a hideous scream of wood against floorboards and walked out of the class, never to return. All I could hear was that word SHAME! All I heard was my mother’s voice, “Shame on you! Who do you think you are? ” and “How dare you?”
There was a lot to overcome for me to feel comfortable accepting my vocation.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

I am now an old lady, over 88, and I remember as a child thinking that to be a writer would be a wonderful life, because you could write a long time. Sophocles wrote Oedipus at Colonnus when he was over 80, and won the prize for it.
But what I had to overcome was lack of confidence. I give the impression, when you meet me, of complete confidence and comfort in the world, of bold decision, but inside I may be writhing with insecurity. “I’m not good enough.” “I don’t know what I’m doing. God help me.”
I clung to two sayings I’d found. One is Samuel Beckett: “Ever try? Ever fail? Fail again. Fail better.”
Another was Goethe’s great quote:
Whatever you can do or dream, begin it
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
I am lucky in another way. I have had direct experiences with the spiritual dimension. Therefore I don’t believe, I KNOW that there are angels and spirit guides waiting to help me. I have had my life saved dramatically by an angel. I have fasted and prayed, in despair calling to God (whatever that is): “Show me! If there is a god, prove it to me!” And then one day, I was shown. Afterwards I was cellularly changed. I was psychic, had understanding I hadn’t had before. I had healing touch, and I understood that God is nothing but love. It sounds stupid when you say that. But you (we, I) are loved beyond our wildest imaginings, It is personal. Intimate. If I am afraid, all I need to do is pray. Just what Dante found at the end of Paradiso, the love that moves the sun and stars.
So I am a writer, because I think I was born to this poetic use of words. . I have written 17 books– novels, nonfiction, short stories, award winning plays, poetry. My work is translated into 25 languages (maybe more). I have been a celebrity, and I’m been forgotten (forgotten is best). When I’m not writing, I can fall into a trough, a slough of despond. I’m delighted that my latest book, The Wonder & Happiness of Being Old: Offerings of Joy, Hope, and New Ways to Perceive Aging, has publishers in USA, UK (and dominions), Australia/ NZ, Japan, Brazil and Spain. I have lived long enough to be able to tell you that being old is one of the most fascinating and happiest of my whole life. May you have that privilege. May you also have the awareness to know why. Love, Sophy

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

First, the great trade secret: Read., read, read, read. Everything. Get so accustomed to the words that you can follow the rhythms of great writers, and then begin to let go, release YOUR OWN VOICE . But first you must read everything. Figure out why is one good and another leaves you flat. Learn the craft of writing, how to move the minds and hearts of people everywhere.

The second quality is CONFIDENCE: . You want to be able to walk in an on editor, and say, “You lucky ducks, I am here with three ideas for you, and I am a great writer.” They may not take your ideas, but they won’t forget you. When you return with more ideas, they will give you an assignment just to get rid of you….What I’m saying is, Take the Dare. I don’t want to come to the end of my life and find myself on my deathbed thinking, “I could have done it, and I didn’t take the dare.” Just do it! Dare. Be bold. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.

The third quality is a true liking of people, and the belief—the trust— that everyone is on your side. People are good. They want to help. Enjoy them! LIKE them! Laugh with them. Reach out to them. Be flirtatious if it’s appropriate, or be serious. But be AUTHENTIC. There is no one in the whole world or who ever lived who is YOU. Enjoy people, and they will like you back. Offer them your vulnerabilities, (scared, insecure, angry, disappointed), and they will empathize, since there’s nothing you feel that everyone else doesn’t also feel at one time or another.
Be happy. Have a high heart.

Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?

LIsten to your intuition. When you are overwhelmed, you need to walk away from the work. Something is telling you it’s not right: take a walk in the woods (something about trees is amazingly healing), not in crowds or bars or subways. Go deep inside. Or go to sleep: that’s another helpful thing. Mostly we don’t get enough sleep in these years of electric lights and TV and computers. Or take a total break. Exercise: a game of tennis, horseback ride, gardening, skiing. Move your body and the mind will too. While in the new activity, you will suddenly know what’s wrong with the situation that overwhelmed you, and you’ll know what you need to do.
Listen to your body. If you are hungry, eat; if lonely, call a friend; if you are angry, ask yourself what fear lies beneath the anger; and if you are tired, rest. Watch yourself, as if from the outside. If you do not, then your emotions and moods will crash over you, often violently and with horrendous consequences.
The same goes for the Inner Judge. My critical voice lives in the basement and clumps up the basement stairs to whip me and tell me how stupid I am, how I’m about to make a mistake. But when I remember that he is afraid for me, just trying to protect me — then I can answer him, “Shh shhh. I hear you. But right now I’m in the creative part of writing. Soon when I begin revising, I will want you, but right now go protect the door from intruders.” So he has a new job. He trots off. During your rewriting, you will want his critical analysis without the violence of his judgment. You must tame him with love. Your inner critic is also on your side.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.sophyburnham.co,
• Instagram: [email protected]

Image Credits

Helena Sullivan,photographer took the portrait in green and the one in black.
all others are just from my camera.