We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Stavroula Toska. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Stavroula below.
Hi Stavroula, appreciate you sitting with us today to share your wisdom with our readers. So, let’s start with resilience – where do you get your resilience from?
It comes from my maternal grandmother, Stella Kanari.
She lived through nearly every kind of upheaval: World War I, World War II, years of political imprisonment and torture during the Greek Civil War, and the long shadow of a military dictatorship. She lost three of her six children when they were still young. She had no formal education. And yet—she built a home, raised a family, and never lost her sense of humor or her sharp wit.
She had a commanding presence. All it took was a look—you knew she meant what she said. She was wise, steady, and deeply intuitive. She rarely spoke in haste, and she always seemed to see straight through people. Growing up around her felt like being in the orbit of someone timeless, ancient. She never crumbled under pressure, and never let circumstances define her.
What gave her strength, I believe, was her clarity of purpose: whatever she went through, her end goal was always survival and reunion—staying alive so she could return to her family. That was her anchor. She knew exactly who she was, and no one, no system, no brutality could take that away from her. She taught me to be mentally strong, to endure, to keep going. As long as you’re alive, you keep going. And remember that everything is temporary–the good, the bad, it all comes to pass. When life feels overwhelming and I question whether I can handle what’s in front of me, I think of her and how she refused to be the victim of her circumstances.
She’s been gone for years, but I still talk to her. I ask for guidance and I feel her with me—a quiet, steady presence reminding me of where I come from, what I’m made of, and that it is an honor and a privilege to be alive.
Her resilience is my foundation and my inspiration.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I was born and raised in the northern part of Greece, in a small, close-knit community shaped by tradition, religion, and patriarchy. From an early age, especially after the unexpected passing of my father, I felt the need to break free—to spread my wings, to see the world, and to discover who I was outside the limitations and expectations imposed on me. As soon as I was done with school, I moved to Athens to pursue an acting career and to continue my studies. But the dream was always New York and so within a couple of years of living in Athens and working as an actor I decided it’s now or never…time to pack and go to New York. I left for the U.S. on my own, had no family or friends here, a tiny bit of money, no contacts—just a suitcase, a dream, and faith that it’s all going to be OK. What I knew for sure was that I’d never want to look back in my life and think that I should have done this or that. So, here I am, 20 plus years later. New York is home and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Early on I had to do quite a few jobs to survive and put myself through school here. It took a while for me to be able to survive, to understand the culture, make friends, and build a community of people I could trust. I tried going back to acting for a while but it wasn’t the same any more–what I longed for was to tell my own stories, to create work that is meaningful and personal, and has the power to move people. When I entered my 30s, I decided to leave behind job security and a certain lifestyle I was used to in order to pursue writing and directing. For the last ten plus years I’ve been working as a writer, director, and creative producer. My work focuses on exploring human nature, cultural taboos, trauma, and the hidden forces that shape our lives. My career has spanned documentaries, fiction films, branded content, and personal work that challenges assumptions and invites viewers to think and feel more deeply.
Telling stories that live at the intersection of identity, psychology, power dynamics, and transformation excites me. I’m drawn to narratives that push boundaries—emotionally, socially, and intellectually—because, for me, that’s where the most honest storytelling happens.
Currently, I’m developing and producing two nonfiction projects that embody this focus. One is “Sex in Space,” a thought-provoking documentary series that explores the future of human relationships and intimacy beyond Earth. What are we going to be like in the future, on another planet? What does sex look and feel like in microgravity? What happens to desire, reproduction, consent, and connection when we leave the planet behind? The series brings together visionary experts and scientists like Dr. Alexander Layendecker, Dr. Egbert Edelbroek, Dr. Shawna Pandya, and Dr. Simon Dubé, whose research is expanding not just what’s scientifically possible, but how we think about human needs in the near future and in entirely new frontiers. It’s a mind blowing project, I love working with this team of brilliant minds, and I hope we get a streamer on board soon.
Alongside that is a feature documentary I am directing and producing, “IVF: From Earth to Space”. It traces the history and evolution of fertility science and reproductive rights—from the early stigmas surrounding IVF to the radical future of conception in orbit. Infertility among men and women is rising globally, and access to fertility treatments remains limited for millions of people who wish to become parents, including same sex couples and individuals who are ready to become a single parent. This project not only explores the science and ethics of conception beyond Earth—it also highlights the urgent need to advance IVF technology and make the whole process more equitable, and accessible here on the ground. The story weaves together the past, present, and future of human reproduction as we follow Elizabeth Carr—the first IVF baby born in the U.S., now a journalist and reproductive rights advocate—and Dr. Egbert Edelbroek of SpaceBorn United, whose work is literally reshaping the next chapter of human life. My goal with this documentary is to capture the moments where human emotion meets scientific ambition in a story of resilience, of inspiration, and of the unshakable human drive to bring new life into the world—wherever that world may be. I have many friends and relatives, here and back home in Greece, who have gone through IVF treatments in order to become parents. It’s an incredibly stressful, scary, highly expensive thing to do and all I keep thinking is that there’s gotta be a better way to do this. Part of the documentary will focus on couples and individuals who are trying to become parents–their stories of hope, how they overcome challenges, and how much they’re sacrificing in order to bring life into this world are awe-inspiring.
A pivotal chapter in my creative journey began while researching my award-winning series SWITCH, which explored the complex, layered world of Professional Domination, known as BDSM. For the sake of authenticity and depth, and to satisfy my own curiosity, I immersed myself in that world—and started working as a professional dominatrix here in New York. What began as research quickly became something far more transformative. I discovered that the dungeon was not just a performance space, but a crucible of psychological truth, and a place for healing. The work challenged me in many ways, taught me countless lessons, and cracked open new dimensions of empathy, insight, compassion, and my own power. As a domme, I created space for people to confront their fears, shame, trauma—while I confronted my own. I came to understand dominance not as control for its own sake, but as a tool for healing, growth, and self-reclamation.
It’s a shame that this world is so often misunderstood and misrepresented. I really enjoyed doing this work, have many great memories, and am still in touch with a few of the people I met while working as a domme. I’m excited to share with you that I am writing a book based on those experiences, weaving memoir, psychology, role play, power dynamics, and cultural critique. I’ve been working on it on and off for years but didn’t feel ready to put this work out into the world. I have now reached a point where it feels right, and I know it’s time.
At the heart of all my work is a belief that a story is a powerful thing to share as it invites us to see each other more clearly—and sometimes, to see ourselves in a new light for the first time. Whether it’s a series about sex in zero gravity or an intimate essay about dominance and healing, I’m here to share what happens when no-one is watching, ask hard questions–starting with myself, and make room for the full spectrum of the human experience.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
It’s hard to pick just three…OK, I’ll try. Looking back, the qualities that have shaped my creative journey the most are curiosity, resilience, a strong work ethic, and the courage to stay true to myself—even when that meant going against the grain.
I am curious about things, people, politics, history, science, art, all types of situations, every single day. It’s what drives my work—whether it’s directing Beneath the Olive Tree, a documentary rooted in the untold story of my grandmother Stella and other women who were imprisoned and tortured during the Greek Civil War, or collaborating with brilliant people and exploring intimacy, connection, and reproduction beyond Earth. I always want to learn more, understand better, evolve.
Resilience has carried me through every challenge—navigating rejection, starting over again and again, working without safety nets, surviving bad relationships, existing in uncertainty. I’ve learned to keep going even when the road felt impossible. I draw strength from my grandmother’s legacy—her humor, her wisdom, her ability to endure unthinkable hardship without losing herself. That spirit is in everything I do.
A strong work ethic is what sustains the dream. I’ve never relied on luck even though there are times when I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. But even then, I show up, I do the work, I push through. When something needs to get done, just get it done and keep moving.
Staying true to myself has been the thread that holds it all together. I have plenty of stories where something felt wrong, I knew it in my gut that a certain situation or person was off and I should walk away and chose not to–I had to learn the hard way that staying true to who I am and what I stand for is the way to go. Trusting my gut has always served me well, and, when I chose to ignore it…some lessons we learn the hard way I guess. Over the years I’ve also come to realize that creativity thrives when we’re willing to embrace the full complexity of who we are—and reflect that honestly in our work.
So if you’re at the beginning of your creative path, here’s some advice that I hope you find helpful:
Stay curious—about the world, about yourself, about every little thing.
Build resilience—failure and uncertainty are part of the deal. Keep showing up anyway. Keep doing the work no matter what. But also, give yourself a break here and there. Rest when you need to. I’m still learning the importance of resting or taking a break without feeling guilty about it.
Work hard—discipline and healthy habits are necessary for the dream to become reality.
Know who you are. Own who you are. Your voice, your background, your contradictions, your beliefs, the people you came from. That’s where your power is.
Surround yourself with good people—mentors, collaborators, friends who remind you of your worth and support you in your journey. And be that support for other people as well. I have incredible people in my life but that hasn’t always been the case. I had to learn how to choose them. Stay away from toxic people who suck your time and energy.
Maintain a great attitude, be good to yourself and to others. When a situation feels chaotic, find something to laugh about. I crack myself up all the time.
Thanks so much for sharing all these insights with us today. Before we go, is there a book that’s played in important role in your development?
I am actually reading this book once again, I literally picked it up over this past weekend. It’s The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I first read it during a time when I was questioning everything—where I belonged, what I was meant to do, whether I was strong enough to leave behind what I knew in search of something greater.
What struck me most then and now is this idea of the “Personal Legend”—this concept that each of us has a destiny, a soul-level calling that’s uniquely ours. It reminded me that the fear, uncertainty, and discomfort I felt while carving my own path were all part of the process. The journey matters as much as the destination. Something the Ancient Greeks shared with us thousands of years ago. It’s this truth, this knowledge I had within me all along and which was brought to the surface when I read The Alchemist for the first time, more than 25 years ago.
Another nugget that stayed with me: “When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it.” This is so true. We can move mountains. We can make the impossible possible.
The book also teaches that real treasure is found within—that often, what we seek in others, in material possessions, or in faraway places has been inside us all along. Isn’t this just great?! Forget all the noise from the outside world. Go inside. Dig, dig, keep digging. Interestingly enough, this relates to the work I did as a dominatrix. And, you know, all of this knowledge and insight has been around for thousands of years. There’s nothing new under the sun but we get caught up in the noise and forget.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.thetoskamatrix.com
- Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/stavroulatoska
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@switchtheseries650
Image Credits
Names listed on the photos and/or on the description of the photo file. Carfagno Photography Sophia Antonini Polina Zaitseva Mistress Kristy Vassilea Terzaki Ryan Vlastelica
