We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Stephanie Courtillier. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Stephanie below.
Stephanie, we’re thrilled to have you on our platform and we think there is so much folks can learn from you and your story. Something that matters deeply to us is living a life and leading a career filled with purpose and so let’s start by chatting about how you found your purpose.
From a noun to a verb
I used to operate from the belief that my purpose was a noun. Something I was put on this earth to DO. I was living in the hustle and grind in constant pursuit of an illusive purpose.
I remember looking around my peer group wondering why I was so different. Why no “career path” seemed to fulfill me the same way it did for others. Why I always felt myself craving more: more connection, more intimacy, more depth, more impact. Settling for the societal norm was never an option for me, hard as I may try to make it work!
I found myself experiencing “glimpses” of my possible purpose. In 2017 I founded a community of female social entrepreneurs called Integrous Women where we hosted monthly connections around Personal growth, professional development, and philanthropic endeavors. For the first time I had a taste of the refreshing stream of purposeful action, yet tastes were all I had. The nourishment of my purpose I knew was possible was still just outside of my reach. Near, but unclear.
My time stewarding Integrous Women challenged me, fulfilled me, and introduced me to new parts of myself that now had the opportunity to be seen. I felt myself reaching, yearning, grasping to finally say I was fulfilling my purpose as the founder of this inspiring community. But still my purpose stayed elusive. Giving me tastes, allowing some glimpses, but my thirst remained unquenched.
In 2021 I gave birth to my son, and my life completely stopped. The leader and business owner parts of me had prepared for a child. I planned, I delegated, I even gave myself a month off. But one month turned to 2, then 3, then 4. I hadn’t planned for the severe postpartum depression. I hadn’t planned for the loss of my “founder” identify, the loss of my independence, the loss of my creative mind. The first 4 months of 2021 were some of the most difficult of my life. Purpose had officially gone into hiding, replaced by misery, regret and deep shame for the shadow of my life pre-child.
During my time leading Integrous Women, I would emphasize the importance of community and connection. How powerful it was for people to be seen, heard and loved. These words, this deep wisdom, that I would share from my mind, finally made their way into my heart as I was now the receiver of them. The women of Integrous Women taught me what it really meant to be seen. Showed me what it means to be heard. And gave me the experience of true love. These inspiring women stepped up for me in ways I never would have imagined. Facilitating events and coaching clients on my behalf. Bringing me home cooked meals. Messaging me almost daily to check-in not on my mind, but my heart. I felt myself open up in ways I never had before. I allowed myself to receive.
On the other side of these 4 months I realized something rather interesting: as dark as this obstacle was, never had I experienced so much light.
As the years progressed, my journey of healing deepened.
My persistent pursuit of purpose softened.
The narrative in my mind shifted, subtly at first, and more profound as time went out.
Instead of the statement “I need to find my purpose” driving me, I learned to ask myself: “What matters most now?”
This question brought me present to the gifts that had been hiding in front of me all along.
It opened doors I never would have dreamed of opening.
It unlocked my caged heart and helped me shed my fears of mistrust and worthiness.
It expanded my mind to what becomes possible.
My 20s were a decade of seeking purpose, with a statement driving my actions.
Today, in my early 30s, I am driven by a question, that has unlocked the truth of my purpose.
My purpose is a verb.
It is not an action, but a being.
Every day I am being my purpose, just by breathing, by smiling, by being on this Earth.
Everything I DO is always ON PURPOSE.
I am not here to be one thing, I am here to be all things.
My purpose was in the smile I gave to the barista this morning, in the hug I gave to my son when dropping him off for school, in the thank you text I sent a friend. My purpose is to know the truth of who I am, in every single moment. My purpose is to trust that I am worthy just as I am, knowing I have nothing to prove.
I strongly believe it is time we collectively RELEASE our search for purpose. And instead REMEMBER our purpose is constantly unfolding right before our very eyes through our being.
What matters most to you, right now?
Pursue that, find the joy in it, play, laugh, and smile.
If times are hard, sit with yourself. Hold yourself, love yourself. Speak compassionately to the parts of you that are coming forth right now. For this is your purpose, just as it is mine.
Purpose used to be my greatest obstacle, constantly just out of reach. Now I realize I AM the purpose I have been seeking, and can finally live free.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I am a passionate community steward with a flair for nurturing spaces where conscious leaders truly come alive. My magic lies in helping leaders transcend their limiting beliefs by facilitating a powerful realignment with both their businesses and their highest selves.
I am a seasoned xchange facilitator, certified in improv, and an award-winning Table Topics competitor from my Toastmaster days. My secret sauce? Creating experiential, authentic, and safe learning environments where participants can dive deep and engage fully. A home where they can be seen, heard, and loved.
But my journey doesn’t stop there. I’m a devoted explorer of the heart-space, navigating my own spiritual path while shining a light for others on their unique journeys. In my role as Community Steward at The xchange Approach, I guide change agents on their conscious facilitation journeys, unlocking untapped potential in groups and fostering authentic connection.
Recognized with the World Changing Woman in Conscious Business award, I wear many hats with pride—a loving mother to a human and fur baby, a devoted wife, and an uplifting friend. My own path of self-discovery has led me to understand my unique design as a Projector 1/3 in Human Design, an ENFJ in Myers-Briggs, and a 3 in the Enneagram. With this rich tapestry of experiences, my mission is clear: to infuse joy, playfulness, and profound connection into every community I touch.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
1) Self-compassion and radical acceptance: These have been TRANSFORMATIONAL for my recovering people pleaser tendencies 🙂 I highly recommend reading the book “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach and “The Mindful Self Compassion Workbook” by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer. An important reminder for me is the power in consistently practicing these and reminding myself, how might I speak to a friend who was going through the same situation as me right now? It always eases my inner tone and lightens the severity of my self-criticism.
2) The skill of facilitation: This is the superpower of this generation. Our ability to design and ask powerful questions will unlock the wisdom that has been trapped inside our family, peers and social circles. I highly recommend learning how you to become an inspiring guide to the groups you lead by attending an upcoming xchange approach training at www.xchangepproach.com.
3) Community Stewardship: You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. what you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make. We are all stewards of community whether we are aware of it or not. Be mindful of your actions, be clear in your intentions, and be loving with the influence you have in your communities. We each have the power to create such important change in this world, and it always begins inside of ourselves. Commit to your healing, so you can steward your communities by modeling the change you wish to see.
Is there a particular challenge you are currently facing?
I am blessed to have recently learned how important micro moments are to the macro moments of our lives. In plain english, the small decisions I make daily will have a direct impact on the big decisions I need to make for myself. The more healing work I do, the more aware I become. Right now I am so aware of all the tiny moments of practice that present themselves to me every single day. For example, this moment I woke up in a “bad mood”. I was tired, every little thing felt like a frustration. I burnt my toast. I tripped on a toy car my son left out. You get the picture I am painting 😉 What if instead of just continuing down this path of a “bad day” (as I typically would), I proactively PAUSED inside each of these micro moments of frustration to become present to what I was feeling. What if instead, I took control of my anger and frustration, my impatience and irritation, and breathed deeply. What if I told myself what a GIFT this moment was, as an opportunity to transform my disempowering emotions to a more empowering one, like joy, play, gratitude. The more I intentionally SHIFT myself in these small moments, the higher vibration I now step into. I’m realizing that in one day, I experience at least 20 or more of these very small, typically insignificant challenges. I’ve started to see these small moments as some of the most important challenges I get to face, because they have become the training ground for upleveling myself to a brand new me. A me that is proactive, not reactive. A me that is present, not distracted. A me that chooses, really intentionally chooses, LOVE, not fear. A me who feels my feelings with compassion and acceptance, and actively holds those dark parts of myself with unconditional love. This is the roadmap to how I know I am going to find my inner freedom. It’s not the sexiest of most glorious path, but those daily moments are the truth of what matters most,
Contact Info:
- Website: www.xchangeapproach.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephanie_courtillier/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/stephaniecourtillier15
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephaniecourtillier/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnxzht8zjkCYrozHwZPnrFA
Image Credits
Lea Prokopowicz
