We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Steven Miller. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Steven below.
Steven , so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?
When I started thinking about making a switch in my career, I thought about where I could make the most significant impact. I wanted to be a part of something bigger than what I was doing. What I was doing was impactful, but I felt something was missing. I do not know where my thought about switching to Reproductive Mental Health came from, but at some point, I started writing down the ideas I was coming up with and still have the piece of paper. I’ve always been one to promote fairness for all and help others. My parents said that even in Preschool, I stood up for kids with special needs and ensured they were treated fairly. That same night I was brainstorming ideas regarding Reproductive Mental Health, I was listening to my favorite band Umphrey’s McGee, and their song Nemo was playing. I had listened to this song many times, but this was the first time I truly heard the lyrics.
“So be demanding when no one is listening.
You will always find an ear.
Set in motion what your life’s missing
There will always be a need.”
What my life was missing, especially during our infertility journey, was mental health support and knowledge about what was considered a “normal” reaction to being diagnosed with infertility. When my wife and I went through IVF, there was very little information on men’s emotional reactions, let alone support for men going through infertility. There are less than 10 men in the entire United States who focus on Reproductive Mental Health. Plus, men are battling the stigma of mental health and infertility. Instead of keeping my story hidden that night, I chose to use that story as a catalyst for this new career. Since then, I have been given opportunities to speak about infertility and mental health, being a guest on podcasts, hosting my podcast, and helping start the nonprofit Men’s Helpline, which will focus on supporting men experiencing infertility and/or miscarriage. I feel that it’s important to say that at Men’s Helpline, we do not want to take away from the support that women receive for infertility and loss. Supporting men is additional support. We recognize that, as men, we do not take on the physical toll that women going through IVF experience, but there is an emotional toll that is often unspoken and isolating. I hope that all men can be supported through infertility and loss so that we can reduce the stigma associated with it. It starts with a conversation. Through faith and some luck, I indeed found my purpose.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
Currently, I’m working with Men’s Helpline as a Board Member and Director of Research and Development. The most exciting thing that we’re doing is setting up a Peer to Peer Network, where we connect men who have gone through infertility or miscarriage and connect them to men that are currently going through infertility or loss experience. Not only are we providing support so that men do not feel isolated, but through peer interactions, we can improve communication with their partners, find coping skills with the stress of infertility and loss, and improve their relationships. The other thing we will be doing is a campaign to help reduce the stigma of male infertility and improve the experience of men going through the journey. Men are often considered silent partners and do not always get acknowledged. Infertility is a couple’s issue and not just a woman’s issue. Historically, fertility issues have been seen as solely women’s issues, but bringing awareness to male infertility will help reduce the burden women feel when facing reproductive challenges. We are excited about the opportunity to change the narrative and know that we have a lot of work ahead of us.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
The most impactful quality in my journey was the ability to remain curious. What I mean by this is approaching a topic with the question of why. This question opens the person to ideas, and being an open-ended question, you cannot answer it by saying yes or no. To answer why, you need to dig deeper and, like an onion, peel back the layers to get to the core issue.
During the second semester of my first year in the MSW program, I was required to take the class Human Behavior and the Environment. I had gotten into the habit of looking in the index of textbooks to see if infertility was covered. Much to my surprise, there was a small section on the topic. I was excited to get to week 7, when this topic would be covered. We got to week 7, and the professor completely skipped the section about infertility. The first question that I asked myself was, Why? Why did my professor skip this topic, despite infertility impacting 1 in 6 people? Did other people have this same experience? I started asking coworkers with psychology, counseling, or social work degrees if, in your education, you talked about infertility and its impact on mental health. I kept getting the answer no. I started to realize that this is a topic that is not discussed. If we’re not discussing infertility and mental health in our education, how should future therapists know how to help someone through that experience? This was a big problem.
The second quality that coincides with curiosity is the drive to obtain knowledge. I dove headfirst into the research about mental health and infertility. I read whatever research articles I could and even did an independent study on Fertility Counseling and Reproductive Trauma. It is essential to read from those who have been studying the topic you are interested in. To understand where you can take your idea, you must know where others have been. Research and ideas build upon already established knowledge.
Lastly, another important quality is perserverance. There have been many times where I have felt that that I was hitting an obstacle or I was not making much of a difference. My approach to this has been to ask “What is this situation telling me?” It’s helpful to be able to step back, think, and also rely on others for help in thinking through solutions. Whatever your endeavors are you do not have to do it alone. Find people that are just as passionate as you and you can move mountains.
Is there a particular challenge you are currently facing?
The biggest challenge that I’m facing currently is managing people’s interpretations of support given to men experiencing infertility and/or miscarriage. At Men’s Helpline, we want to make sure that the support we are giving men does not take away from the support that women are receiving. Fertility issues have for the longest time been perceived as a woman’s issues, so highlighting male infertility could help reduce the burden that women have historically carried. Reproduction happens in men’s bodies too.
We are developing a peer-to-peer network, where men who have gone through infertility or miscarriage can connect with men who are in the midst of the journey of infertility or miscarriage. The goals of the support are to increase communication with their partners, improving coping with infertility or miscarriage, and have men feel that they are not alone in this. The hope is that men getting support will have improved relationships and be able to cope better. Infertility is a couple’s issues and both men and women need support.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.menshelpline.org
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sjmiller2024/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/steven-miller-7082b1191/
Image Credits
Headshot in Blue Sweater by Brett Perucco.
