Meet Sue Brightly

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Sue Brightly a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Sue, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Developing confidence and self-esteem is an ongoing process for me. Like so many women, particularly in my generation and religious upbringing, I was taught that obedience and selflessness were virtues, not confidence or self-esteem, and it’s taken a lot of unlearning to find my own voice and be comfortable using it. I’m still working on it!

There is one thing in particular that I decided to do that really made a difference in my self-esteem: giving myself a name of my own.

I was nearly fifty years old when it occurred to me that my last name had become nothing more than an indicator of society’s historical view of my status as property: first of my father, then of my husbands. I was at a low point in my life, and I came to the conclusion that it was actually an opportunity to reinvent myself.

But how did I want my future to look? What really mattered to me, who did I want to be, for myself? These were questions I never had considered thoroughly. These were the things I wanted to express with my new name.

Choosing a name for myself was really hard, but also exhilarating. For a while I thought I’d never be able to make a decision. And then one day I heard a song by the Grateful Dead, “Terrapin Station,” with the line “Inspiration, move me brightly…” and it struck me like a bolt of lightning: Brightly. Brightly, as inspired, as intelligent, as clever, as sparkling, as radiantly, as positive, as cheerful, as colorful, as creative…

To this day, over ten years on, I still get tingly to hear my name, to write it down. It’s been the most tremendously empowering gift I’ve given myself, and it has had a meaningful impact on the way I see myself and the way I move through the world. By giving myself my own name, I realized that I could also claim the title of artist, which I’d always avoided because I didn’t feel worthy or that I was what I thought “artists” were supposed to be. I am an artist because I say so! Starting with my name, I turned my life around and re-created it the way I wanted it, piece by piece, mistakes and successes, but all coming from such a different perspective – no longer resigning myself to accepting “fate” or circumstances.

Today, I no longer feel that I was selfish to focus on seeking what’s important to me, or that it’s somehow in conflict with caring for others. I feel I’m a better person for taking responsibility of my own life and that it’s actually helped me to be a better partner, mother, friend, and employee.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

Professionally, I currently work in communications for a large university, and specialize in graphic and website design. I’ve been doing this kind of work for thirty years, and I love the combination of creativity and technology and human communication and connection that fills my work life.

My college degree is in art studio, which informs my design work. But it took me till I was 50 to actually take myself seriously as an artist! Part of that process has been prioritizing time to paint and create and experiment, because it’s so easy to succumb to self-talk that it doesn’t matter, that no one likes or cares about what you do.

When I reinvented my life, I gave myself a word as part of a new years’ resolution, a word to use as a lens or guide. I chose “Art,” and so whenever there was a decision to be made, I made the most “art-ful” choice. This led me to spending more time painting, and to entering my work in competitions, and joining artistic organizations, which in turn led to some recognition from others, which then fueled my motivation to continue making more art…!

Now I’ve embraced myself as an artist, and while I still don’t have nearly enough time to do all the things I want to be doing creatively, I’ve found some success as an artist, and most of all, find meaning and purpose and joy in creating. (suebrightly.com) Mainly I paint in acrylics right now. Sometimes I paint animals that speak to my religious upbringing or that illustrate difficult conversations; sometimes I paint just graphical fun colors and forms like trees, sometimes I paint cute things in watercolors. I wrap sticks in yarn. I cover things with hornet’s nest paper. I collect shiny things from thrift stores and yard sales and create hanging assemblages.

As for branding… as a communications professional, I appreciate the importance of branding. And yet, I resist it for myself and for my work as an artist. I don’t want to be limited, I don’t want to be doing what’s expected. I paint, I draw, I sculpt, I write, I sing, I take photos. My brand is to be brandless!

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

1. Imagination: the ability to imagine your life or future differently. How would you like it to look? Feels like having a dream often is dismissed as unrealistic or perhaps foolish; I think of imagination as an act of conscious visualization inspired by creativity.
2. Do Hard Things: don’t be afraid to put in time and effort to get where you want to go. I was working three jobs for a while to make ends meet. I continue to put in extra effort to do the things that matter to me. Prioritizing and re-prioritizing. Making hard choices or having hard conversations when needed. I divorced three husbands before I found happiness with another woman and am now happily married to a wonderful wife. It was hard coming to this realization about myself, and I had many hard conversations with those husbands. Maybe this is another way of saying “courage” or “bravery,” but those always sound like such elevated concepts reserved for heroes; doing hard things is for us regular folks.
3. Love: love yourself. Love others. Love what you do. Find love, cultivate love in all you do.

Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?

These are such overwhelming times! And I’ve also been navigating some personally overwhelming challenges lately, as my dad’s health declined and he died, and turmoil and layoffs at work.

I learned some really helpful strategies when I hit bottom about 14 years ago. My mom got sick with stage 4 lung cancer, my first husband assaulted his girlfriend in front of our son, I quit my job to come home to help my family and had to fight for sole custody, my second husband left me, and there I was, nearly fifty, nothing to my name, no job, no partner, my dad freaked out in grief, in a faraway state without my usual friends and support. The things I learned then continue to serve me well.

1. Take care of your body. I joined a gym and an hour of sweating listening to my music whenever possible was priceless. Try to eat healthy food, too.
2. Get outside. I went walking whenever possible, even if it was just up and down the block. Any kind of change of scenery helps.
3. Treat yourself. I indulged in little things like nail polish or an ice cream and it lifted my spirits, even for a few moments.
4. Journal. Writing helps me get things out of my system. When I write things down it somehow helps me understand it better, and feel in control.
5. Be gentle with yourself, and others. You’re doing all you can. Cut yourself some slack. Imagine if you were your best friend. And then treat yourself that way.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.suebrightly.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/suebrightly/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sue-brightly-75b70911/

Image Credits

Cover photo of Ithaca Times by Rachel Phillipson