We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Susan Hayden a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Susan , we’re thrilled to have you sharing your thoughts and lessons with our community. So, for folks who are at a stage in their life or career where they are trying to be more resilient, can you share where you get your resilience from?
Growing up in Encino in the 1970s, I knew, early on, I was a misfit and couldn’t find a place to belong. In 4th grade, a small group of outsiders banded together in what we called the “ball room” – the shed that stored our school’s sports equipment. It was there, among the baseballs and bats, the jump ropes and broken swings, that we could breathe, laugh, escape. I found great relief in the company of others who didn’t fit in. We connected over feeling left out. Instead of trying to accommodate the expectations of bullies on the playground, our collective friendship was rooted in the insistence on being ourselves. Accepting each other’s differences was the glue. This was my first sense of community and it made a huge imprint. It was when I learned I had an inner strength that could get me through anything.
As a lifelong writer, I continue to find myself drawn to key moments from my past that prove to be turning points, landmarks where I was wrestling with challenges that tested my sense of self and reminded me to not forget my own strength. I’ve never felt alone as long as I’ve been able to write. It’s been a way for me to process loss, especially. The story progresses as I do.
My debut memoir, Now You Are a Missing Person, is a culmination of many years of writing down joy and grief as they each unfolded. It explores three key and sudden losses (my father, my childhood best friend and my first husband). I chose to write it as a hybrid, meaning I mixed the genres, so there are stories, poems and fragments, even snippets of dialogue from plays of mine. The voice moves in and out of these forms, creating different levels of intimacy. Rooted in resilience, the book is ultimately about emerging into healing.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
A sense of community has been a crucial aspect of my growth and evolution – starting with that “ball room” of my youth and continuing with Jeff Corey’s acting class, Padua Playwrights, Holly Prado’s writing workshop, as well as being a regular participant in Eve Brandstein’s and Michael Lally’s weekly Poetry in Motion, way back when.
I have found meaning and camaraderie when artists come together in an organized setting to share their work.
In 2009, a year after the tragic loss of my then-husband, Christopher Allport, I was invited by two friends, John Ruskin and Mike Myers of Ruskin Group Theatre, to create a show of my own. That’s where Library Girl was born: a monthly literary series where poets, playwrights, novelists, essayists and singer-songwriters come together to read and/or perform their writing to a listening audience. Rooted in music, there is always a theme and that theme is generally a lyric or a song title.
Along with raising my young son as an only parent, there was a time when Library Girl anchored my life, filled it with much that had been missing in the wake of grief. I still look forward to every second Sunday night of the month, where I welcome what I consider to be the boldest voices in words and music. Creating, curating and producing Library Girl has grown my confidence. Inspiring artists to take chances in a supportive setting has moved me forward, strengthened my spirit. I am now in my 15th year. My son (singer-songwriter Mason Summit) opened the show with his music from age twelve until just last year, when he and his partner, Irene Greene, formed their duo The Prickly Pair and moved to Nashville, where they perform all over town.
I’m proud to say that several times a year at Library Girl, I make a point of celebrating the small presses of Los Angeles. These presses are our treasures and the writers published by them deserve as much attention and recognition as they can get. That’s how I met Eric Morago, publisher of Moon Tide Press. After a successful Moon Tide evening at Library Girl, Eric asked me to send him what I was working on. He read what was barely a first draft and asked to publish the completed manuscript.
Since the book’s release in June, many people have written to me, thanking me for writing what they had not been able to say themselves after experiencing loss and grief. This has been an unexpected blessing, a kind of validation that what I wrote about my own experience has connected so deeply with others.
Writing Now You Are a Missing Person has brought me a wholeness that I’d never quite felt.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
1) Heightened instincts: Listening to myself and determining who my best guides were outside of myself. 2) Optimism: Believing that even under the sometimes dire circumstances of my life, there was joy to be created and captured.
3) A Belief and Trust in Myself.
Advice: See above.
Awesome, really appreciate you opening up with us today and before we close maybe you can share a book recommendation with us. Has there been a book that’s been impactful in your growth and development?
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I found it just before my former husband Chris died and it has lived on my bedside table ever since. Simple wisdom, hard to practice. But absolutely essential!
“Be Impeccable with Your Word.”
“Don’t Take Anything Personally.”
“Don’t Make Assumptions.”
“Always Do Your Best.”
I am elated to have love in my life again, joyfully remarried to music journalist Steve Hochman, who had also been widowed.
This book is especially handy in any communication and I find I must remind myself of these agreements sometimes and they work well in all matters of love and friendship.
Contact Info:
- Website: susanhayden.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/librarygirlpresents/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/susanelizabethhayden
- Other: To purchase my book, Now You Are a Missing Person: https://www.booksoup.com/book/9781957799100
Image Credits
1) Feature/ Susan Hayden against Ocean Park Blvd sign. Photo by Steve Hochman, 2) Library Girl + James Combs Present: Everything In New Orleans Is A Good Idea. Pictured from left, back row: Bernadette McComish; Paul Body; Paul Lacques, Victoria Jacobs + Rob Waller of I See Hawks in LA; Conney Williams, Steve Postell. Front row: Steve Hochman, Susan Hayden, James Combs, Eric Garcia, Elizabeth Hangan. Photographer: Unknown 3) Susan Hayden reading at Page Against the Machine Bookstore. Photo by Steve Hochman 4) Susan Hayden signing books at her Public Launch. Photo by Camila Wilson 5) Susan Hayden in El Martillo Press baseball cap. Photo by Steve Hochman 6) Susan Hayden’s Saints + Medals necklace with The Four Agreements charm. Photo by Susan Hayden 7) Childhood Photo of Susan Hayden. Photo by Sherwin Goldstein. 8) Book Cover of Now You Are a Missing Person. Book Cover Artist: Hazel Angell
