We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Tamar Anjel a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Tamar, we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?
I would preface this question with the very honest truth that though I’ve developed confidence and self-esteem over the years, it is not something I’ve mastered. Like many things in life having confidence and self-esteem ebbs and flows. It’s not a linear journey. There are days that I lack both, and struggle to remember that I ever truly had either.
That being said, like so many, I didn’t have the best or easiest childhood growing up-but I have a Mother that very much nurtured and embraced her children for who they are without condition or judgement; even if she didn’t always understand. She accepted us. A lot of who my brother and I are is thanks to our Mother.
Outside of the home, however, I was always the ‘other’. Growing up as an Armenian in the Armenian community when certain values, appearances, interests, and conduct is expected and you deviate…it tends to be a little rough because you never quite fit in. That was me. Don’t get me wrong, my pride and love for my culture and people is unmatched, but I’m honest about our shortcomings; acceptance of otherness has room for improvement.
From a very young age I knew I was different from the people around me. I went to a private Armenian school the entirety of my childhood and I never truly felt understood. I always knew what I liked and what I was into and I never assumed it was wrong, because my Mother never told me it was and she always supported my interests-but when I would talk about really loving tattoos, and wanting to shave one side of my head, wanting to get piercings when I was older or listening to music that wasn’t mainstream I was always met with disinterest from my peers, complete exclusion, or “ew, why?” “That’s so weird” “That’s not going to look good” “That’s trashy”. In the interest of not turning this into an entire novel-I learned at a very young age who I was and what I was made of. For a number of reasons that I won’t get into now, I struggled a lot and mostly alone, because I internalized everything I went through and taught myself how to get through it and be ok. I learned that I was vastly different from the people around me and that I was ok with it for the most part. It taught me a different kind of hurt really young but it also taught me that I didn’t necessarily care that I was different. I liked what I liked and I was who I was.
When I was in my early to mid twenties I had some of the best friends I’ve ever had in my life up until that point. We all loved the same things, we understood each other and we accepted each other for who we all were; no questions asked. No judgements.
I lost most of those friends for all the things that made me, me. I lost friends because they were jealous of my confidence and self-esteem. For doing and being me authentically and without apology. They told me as much, which is how I know, so I don’t say this with an ego, arrogance, or inflated sense of self. I say it purely as fact because I was told in not so many words that I had attributes they didn’t, and wouldn’t have, and it was clearly an issue.
It took me quite a while to rebuild my confidence and self-esteem after that. These were some of the closest people I had in my life for a long time and my simply being who I was became a problem. A problem that led to people causing damage within me that would take some time to fix. But I learned a lot from them. I learned a lot more about myself than I think I realized in that moment. Because since those friends…there hasn’t been a single person that has been able to shame me for being who I am, or being confident and proud of who I am. I worked really hard from a very young age and for a really long time to become this version of me. Flawed and all.
Every single day is a new day with new lessons. And some days being confident in who I am is as natural as breathing-while other days it takes a bit more effort to remember who I am and that I deserve to love and be proud of that person.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I am a SoCal based photographer, specializing in portraits, fine art, and therapeutic shoots. I do love to shoot just about anything, though, truly.
I’ve always found people to be so interesting and complex, and there’s nothing I love more than capturing someone in a moment, and helping them to see themselves in a light they may never have imagined possible. I want people to walk away from working with me feeling empowered and beautiful-always. And that comes in so many forms.
Creating an elaborate setting with beautiful clothing and makeup that makes it look like the subject just stepped out of a painting is what I really love to do, and would love to continue to grow and evolve in. Within that same vein, capturing someone in their truest and rawest form will always bring me a joy I cannot begin to describe. So many people don’t realize how beautiful we are as individuals. The constellation of freckles on your face. The dark spec of color in your eye, the curve of the nose or the bow of your lip. We’re all so imperfectly perfect and I love to help people embrace, see and love those things about themselves.
I’ve always been someone who leans a little deeper into darkness and the grittier side of things as well, because I find that some of the most beautiful things can be found there; even within people. You can learn so much about someone in their darkest moments. Which is why I started doing shoots that revolved heavily around working through trauma’s or complex issues that people may be having within their lives. I’ve had multiple people approach me with shoot ideas that were based heavily around traumatizing experiences they’ve had, and want to work through-and they’ve easily been some of the most beautiful and gratifying shoots I’ve ever done. I am not a medical professional, and offer no medical advice or promise any kind of ‘cure’ within these shoots but the relief everyone present is met with upon completion of the shoot, is palpable. As an artist this is the kind of impact I want to leave behind in the world. I want to impact someone’s life in a positive light. Emotionally connect with people.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
From a technical standpoint, I would say learning the in’s and out’s of your equipment is key. This is something that is ever changing and evolving as new technology is created. It’s something that I am constantly working on within myself, too. Don’t ever be content with what you know-strive to learn more.
The comparison game is a death sentence. Believe me, I know. Imposter syndrome stems from this, and it’s a hard hole to dig yourself out of. There will always be someone better than you-it’s OK. Believe in yourself and trust in your journey. Keep going. Don’t listen to the voice telling you to give up, or that you’re not good enough. They’re a f*cking liar. You’ve got this.
If you have someone that you look up to, ask for help or advice. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. Some people may not be forthcoming or helpful at all, but the worst thing you can do is not try.
Tell us what your ideal client would be like?
This is a question that has two answers for me:
1. Someone up for artistic challenges. Someone who will commit to a concept and go full stop, no holds bar. No matter how simple or complex the idea. Someone with a good attitude and wanting to have fun and create.
2. Truly anyone. The amount of people that have told me that they’re not pretty enough to do a photoshoot, but they’ve always wanted to, breaks my heart. Why shouldn’t you get to feel powerful? Beautiful? Delicate? Strong? Ethereal? Otherworldly? Everyone deserves those things. If you want to do it; do it. You absolutely can. And you deserve to.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wildandwaywardphoto
- Other: TamarAnjelPhoto@gmail.com
Image Credits
Tamar Anjel at WildandWaywardPhoto
