We were lucky to catch up with Tamika A. Anderson, D.Sc. recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Tamika A., appreciate you sitting with us today to share your wisdom with our readers. So, let’s start with resilience – where do you get your resilience from?
Resilience was not something I was born with, it was something I had to fight for. I was unconscious on the floor after being strangled by my husband and I almost died that day, but for some reason I survived. The policeman told me, if you don’t make a change, the next time we come back here to your home, it’s going to be to take you out of here in a body bag. He then pointed to an umbrella on the floor and said, this guy cares more about that umbrella than he does you.
Soon after, I made the most critical decision of my life and got the courage to escape in the middle of the night. It was in this moment that I knew it was a matter of life and death and I might not make it out alive. The weight of fear was suffocating, but my instinct to protect my daughter gave me the strength to act. I grabbed what little I could, my heart was pounding as I made my way to safety, knowing that the road ahead would be uncertain. I had no plan, no clear path forward, and I didn’t know where I was going to go, only the knowledge that I could never return. That night, I stepped into the unknown, leaving behind a life of abuse and walking toward the possibility of something better. What I didn’t know then, was that this was the first step in discovering my resilience.
My resilience was tested and strengthened when those I trusted and confided in turned their backs on me. They blamed and shamed me for “allowing” myself to be abused, as if my suffering had been a choice, rather than a prison built from manipulation, fear, and deception. They refused to believe the truth that the man they saw as charming and successful was the same man who had terrorized me behind closed doors. What I didn’t anticipate was the heartbreak that followed, not just from the traumatic abuse I had endured, but how I was met with ridicule instead of support, from the people I once respected and trusted. The pain of their betrayal was almost as crushing as the abuse itself. Their rejection could have broken me. Instead, it reshaped me and became the foundation of my will to not only survive, but thrive.
I refused to let their lack of support define me. I became resilient as I learned that my truth mattered, even if others refused to see it or believe me. I became resilient, because I understood that my survival was not something to be ashamed of, but something to be proud of. I realized that if I didn’t use my experience to help other women, I would be letting my abuser win.
Looking back the red flags were always there, subtle at first then glaringly obvious. The controlling behavior disguised as love, isolation masked as protection, gaslighting, the constant undermining of my self-worth with jokes, and financial dependence framed as security. I ignored them, believing that things would get better, or that perhaps I could fix them. I was also being abused in ways that I didn’t even know I was being abused.
What many women don’t realize is that they may be experiencing abuse without recognizing it. Not all abuse leaves bruises. Financial abuse is one of the most powerful ways abusers trap their victims, restricting access to money, destroying credit, or sabotaging career opportunities. This keeps women financially handcuffed, unable to leave even when their lives depend on it.
One terrifying moment of clarity came when I realized the danger was no longer just emotional, verbal, or financial, it was physical abuse. My daughter’s innocent eyes reflected a fear I could no longer ignore when she saw the life leaving my body. That was when I knew, if I could just pull through, staying was not an option and could cost us our lives.
The decision to leave was only the first step. We quickly found out all of the shelters were full and we had to live out of the car. This is when I found out there are more animal shelters in the United States than there are shelters for women and children who are escaping domestic violence and abuse. I realized that no one was coming to save me, I had to save myself.
Too often, financial abuse is a tool used to keep women trapped in dangerous relationships. Without resources or financial stability, many women feel they have no choice, but to stay. What followed was a long and grueling process of rebuilding financially, emotionally, and mentally. But through it all, I found a purpose to help other women recognize the warning signs of abuse, to show them that survival is possible, and to guide them in reclaiming their power. That moment marked the beginning of a journey that would transform my life and ultimately inspire a mission to help other women rise from the ashes of abuse and trauma.
The tragic reality is that many women who do find the courage to leave end up homeless like I was. Domestic violence is a leading cause of homelessness for women and children. In a survey of 25 cities, 28% of mayors identified domestic violence as a primary cause of homelessness among families. Between 22% and 57% of all homeless women report that domestic violence was the immediate cause of their homelessness. These women had nowhere to go, no resources to rebuild, and no financial safety net to break their fall. Even more alarming, 70% of mothers experiencing homelessness reported being physically assaulted by their husband or boyfriend.
This is why financial independence is not just a luxury, it is a necessity. It is the key to freedom, and it is why I am so passionate about helping women learn how to create their own income, build their businesses, and secure their futures.
That’s why I built my business not just to help women survive, but to thrive, and to show them that they can do the same. I help women take control of their own narratives, turning their personal stories into powerful brand messages that attract opportunities and inspire change no matter what industry they are in. By embracing their past rather than hiding from it, they create businesses that are not only financially successful, but deeply meaningful.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I am the founder of Connextion Works, LLC. After escaping 20 years of domestic violence and abuse, alone, scared, and not wanting others to suffer in silence, I created a video to share my story of survival on social media. That video was shared by Queen Latifah to over 6.5 Million people. This was the catalyst for writing my international best-selling book, Speak Up and Get Out: How to Survive and Thrive After the Devastation of Domestic Violence and Abuse.
The reasons why I built my business, is to show women that survival is just the beginning and thriving is possible. Success is possible. A life of peace, abundance, and purpose is possible. But more than that, I teach women that their personal stories are not just wounds, they are weapons. Weapons against shame. Weapons against being silenced. Weapons against fear. Weapons against the lie that they are not enough. Within my business model, I created the Speak Up & Get Out Movement that focuses on how to survive. It is a free membership that provides courses for women and men who want to know the red flags of abuse, how to spot a narcissist, and how to protect themselves. I also created the Message Mogul’s Monthly Membership to promote the importance of financial security. This membership provides mentoring & courses with strategies, templates, scripts, tutorials, guides, etc…to help women navigate social media so they can serve and sell in a big way.
Financial abuse is real, and so is the fear of starting over. But when you own your story, build your brand with purpose, and create financial independence, you take back the power that was stolen from you. You are not just a survivor, you are a powerful force and the world needs your voice. Women who have experienced abuse often struggle with imposter syndrome, believing they are “not enough” or “not qualified” to lead or build a business. But the truth is, their resilience makes them uniquely equipped to do just that. By owning their stories and sharing them, they create a ripple effect, giving other women permission to seek freedom, healing, and success.
I’ve spoken on stages such as Google in Silicon Valley, various conferences, and I’ve taught undergraduate and graduate level college students at a top accredited university in the United States. I have also been featured on NBC, ABC, FOX HLN, Radio One, and Forbes Magazine to spread my message about overcoming narcissistic abuse.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
I became resilient, because I had no other choice. First, I refused to let the disbelief of others define my reality. I knew my truth, and I would not be silenced. Second, I realized that financial abuse in a marriage is one of the most dangerous weapons that can be used to control someone, and I vowed to build a life where I never had to rely on an abuser again. And third, I turned my pain into purpose, dedicating my life to helping other women know the red flags, escape, heal, and rebuild.
Today, my business is not just a career, it’s a mission. I teach women that their story is not a source of shame, but a tool for encouraging & connecting with others. Some people don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care, and your story could be the key to unlocking someone else’s prison. It can be the light in their darkness, the proof that they are not alone. By weaving your journey into your brand, you don’t just build a business, you build a movement. The most impactful lesson for me was understanding that resilience is not about never breaking, it’s about rebuilding stronger than before.
My journey from a survivor of domestic violence & more specifically narcissistic abuse to a thriving business owner has been filled with challenges, but it has also been filled with purpose. If my story can help even one woman find the courage to leave, to heal, or to step into her own power, then it has been worth sharing. To the women reading this who have survived trauma and are now building something new, your past does not define you, but your strength does. Your story is your power, and by sharing it you can change lives, including your own.
Awesome, really appreciate you opening up with us today and before we close maybe you can share a book recommendation with us. Has there been a book that’s been impactful in your growth and development?
The book, “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” by Susan Jeffers played an important role in my development, because it taught me that I don’t have to be fearless—I just have to be courageous. Fear will always be there, but having the courage to take action is what makes the difference. I used to believe I had to wait until I felt ready. But now, I know that confidence comes from doing, not from waiting. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from this book, is that fear is not a stop sign, it’s a green light.
Before reading this book, I often believed that fear was something I had to eliminate before I could move forward. This book helped me realize that fear is a natural part of life, and the key isn’t to avoid it, but to act in spite of it. Every major breakthrough I’ve had, whether in my business, relationships, or personal development, came when I pushed through fear instead of letting it hold me back.
I also learned that every time you say “yes” to something driven by fear or people-pleasing, you have to make sure you are not saying “no” to yourself and neglecting yourself to please others. This is why creating and enforcing healthy boundaries is so important, you must choose wisely when saying “yes” or “no” to something or someone.
To every woman who has endured abuse, trauma, or betrayal and wonders if she can rebuild herself, I am living proof that you can. Secrets and fear make you sick and shame thrives in silence, but freedom begins when you speak your truth. For so long, I was made to feel like my pain was something to hide. I realized that sharing my journey wasn’t just about me, it was about giving other women permission to break free. Our stories are lifelines, and by embracing mine, I could help others do the same. Don’t be afraid to share your story, because somewhere, another woman is waiting for the sign that she, too, can break free.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://connextionworks.com/home
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drtamikaworks
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrTamikaAnderson
- Twitter: https://www.x.com/drtamikaworks
Image Credits
Casey Cashell; Tanise A. Anderson
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