Meet Tawny Palm

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Tawny Palm a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Tawny, thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?

Growing up I lived a relatively normal childhood. When I was 19 my parents got divorced. This was the first time I was facing resilience in my life. It was quite tumultuous even though I was an adult. I became the rock of my family. I was forced to be the one everyone leaned on. I have two younger sisters who were affected by it more than I was. One was 7 years old and the other was 15 years old. I had to hold everyone above water even though I was sinking myself. But I made it through and healed through all that. The biggest test of my resilience came when I faced an 8 year battle of infertility. Like most hopeful young couples, my husband and I decided we wanted to build a family. We began trying and trying and trying. After a year and a half of no success we sought help. We ended up doing 5 egg retrievals, 8 embryo transfers, multiple surgeries with no success. It was the hardest and darkest time of my life. My self worth was almost non existent. I blamed myself for all of it. I felt broken and defeated. I felt like the universe decided I wasn’t worthy of being a mother. Society tells us that our worth as a woman is dependent on whether or not we have children. I felt this deeply. A year ago I decided to walk away from fertility treatments. I still have so much healing to do but, I have come so far in a year. I used to be terrified of a future without kids and what that would look like. I am now excited about what my future and purpose in this world will be. Some days I still struggle and wonder if I made the right decision to walk away. But I know in my heart and soul that I could no longer endure more heartbreak. Unfortunately, our difficult life experiences are what builds our resilience in this world. And mine have been transformative. I feel like if I made it through all that I have then I can face anything. Because of my struggles with infertility, I wanted to help others through their life struggle. There were so many times that I felt so alone. I never want others to feel that way. This is why I started my podcast called Radiant Resilience. So that others will share their life stories, struggles, and triumphs so that others will feel less alone when they hear them. So that they will feel heard and seen.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

I have been a hairdresser for 20 years. I love my job. I get to make women feel beautiful every day. I love seeing someone’s face light up when they look in the mirror at my work. Confidence in women is so important and when you look good you feel good. I also am sort of a therapist haha. I build relationships with my clients and they share their lives with me. I am so honored that they feel safe enough to share this with me and be vulnerable. While going through all my infertility struggles, I always knew I wanted to do something to help others. One day I was on a run listening to one of my favorite podcasts and the idea for my podcast just dropped in. Like a universal download. It was so clear and incredible. The purpose was so clear. I was ready to jump in. I now have a podcast called Radiant Resilience where real people share real stories. It brings comfort to those who are also struggling. I love talking to people and getting to know them at their core. I have so much compassion for everything that everyone has gone through. My podcast has been such an incredible additive to my life.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

Resilience for sure. I had to be resilient to continue to try IVF over and over and over like I did. I had to have some type of tough skin. I also think listening to my heart, soul, and intuition. Walking away from treatment was one of the hardest things for me to do. But I knew it was time. I also knew in the beginning that I wanted to keep going till it worked. When I finally came to a point where I couldn’t keep living in this sadness and depression and heartbreak, I knew it was time to stop. I also had to learn patience. This process is not fast and it infuriated me some times. Advice I would give someone at the beginning of this journey is to have compassion for yourself. What you are going through is one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through. Also, listen to your body, heart and soul. This can be hard to do when you’re in the thick of it. You are not less of a woman if it does not work out. You are more than your infertility. Work on being ok with who you are and what you bring into this world.

All the wisdom you’ve shared today is sincerely appreciated. Before we go, can you tell us about the main challenge you are currently facing?

I am very much still in the healing process even a year after my last embryo transfer. My number one obstacle I am facing today is to love myself and be ok with who I am as a person outside my fertility and becoming a mom. It is so hard. Infertility stole many things from me and this is one of the biggest. I am working on rediscovering who I am, what my purpose is in this life, and even just the things I love to do. What brings me joy? I am trying to be ok with the unknown of the future. And creating my own, new path. It is scary. But I think it will be worth it in the end. I take baby steps every day. I read books, journal, meditate, listen to podcasts. I learn from others via my podcast. Its not an easy journey and its a bit scary.

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Image Credits

Kira Whitney at Kira Whitney Photography

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