Meet Taylor Robinson

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Taylor Robinson. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Taylor below.

Taylor, we are so deeply grateful to you for opening up about your journey with mental health in the hops that it can help someone who might be going through something similar. Can you talk to us about your mental health journey and how you overcame or persisted despite any issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
Until a few years ago, I was overwhelmed with guilt, shame, and embarrassment when confronted with the reality of the neglect I experienced during childhood. The stigma revolving around the abuse I endured made me feel disgusting, hopeless, and different than my peers. Decades of dissociation and avoidance were the only survival skills that I knew would keep me alive. My nervous system was in a constant state of fight, flight, or freeze. Majority of the time I was stuck in a state of freeze, because there was nowhere to run. As a child, I was stuck in a situation where the only choice I had was to disconnect from reality until I was old enough to escape. Eventually, my anxiety became too intense to avoid and the physical anxiety symptoms kept me trapped in a place of intense panic without any life skills on how to self-soothe. From such a young age doctors experimented with handfuls of different anxiety medications, stimulants, and hardcore mood stabilizers that no 9-year-old child should ever be prescribed. That added to the lie I told myself that there was something wrong with me that needed to be fixed. I was just a child who needed love. I needed someone to listen to me. I needed someone to advocate for me. I needed to be rescued. I needed the justice system to stop failing me.

The only way I knew to cope when my mental health was deteriorating was by abusing substances, controlling behaviors, binging & purging food, and obsessively trying to mask my emotions. I overworked in an attempt to avoid feeling and acted out in a long list of unhealthy distractions I developed that led me down a dark path. Knowing now those dark experiences was what I needed, to finally be able to reach a point where I had no option but to receive help. Reaching rock bottom in active addiction was one of the best things that ever happened to me. That rock bottom was the first of many. With the years that passed, there were glimpses of inspiration which I thought were the moments that my life would change for the better. I had to realize I did not know how to live life sober, as I was never taught how to process emotions and control flashbacks of the abuse I was trying to avoid. I never gave myself a moment to be alone, to sit with my own thoughts and any kind of self-reflection was terrifying. I worked in food and beverage since I was 14. I felt safe in high-stress chaotic work environments and relationships. Relaxation scared me, and eventually, I gave up any chance to have time when I could feel anything at all. I worked as much as I possibly could, 60+ hours a week to avoid feeling anything. Chaos was the closest state to safety I knew. One of the first moments where I knew I was truly healing and getting healthy was when I started to enjoy time alone. I craved to slow down. I was eager to find peace within silence. I just had no idea how to do it.

For years I was under the illusion that I just haven’t found the right therapist. I thought I just hadn’t found the right therapeutic trauma treatment plan that would cure me. The right medication to help me self-soothe, and before any of that I convinced myself I needed financial freedom to be able to find these new treatments that I thought would be the easiest way to feel better. The more time I spent obsessing over what I wasn’t doing right to heal, the deeper I dug a hole of hopelessness fearing I will never live a “normal life”. I had to find a way to grieve the knowledge that there will never truly be a time that I will completely overcome the symptoms of cPTSD. Anxiety, depression, dissociation, fatigue, panic attacks, and night terrors will ebb and flow, especially during new and frightening phases of life. The symptoms of trauma will crop up, but how I deal with those symptoms had to change. I had to feel my emotions as they came and know that feelings come and go. Nothing is temporary. I had to find a way to learn to choose to react to situations and emotions in a healthy way.

Once I was able to accept the fact there was no finish line or certificate for learning to live with a mental health disorder, it led to the key that unlocked persistence. I chose to keep fighting no matter the challenges I faced. Healing from trauma is a lifelong process that starts with rewiring how you view the world, and yourself. There is a component that involves a deep search within for the will to live. I didn’t want to just exist anymore, I wanted to live. I wanted to help other people find a way to live despite the horrors they faced. I still have to fight to overcome the negative core beliefs I have interpreted to be true about myself. Fight the urge to choose momentary relief from destructive coping skills that do not serve me. Fight the fear of what other people think of me and set the boundaries I need to stay in a healthy mindset. There will always be new battles. New challenges I now fight to view as moments to grow, learn, and utilize the new coping skills I have worked so hard to become hard-wired tools. I had to change the environments that kept me stuck. The triggers that led to distress and relapse. A big part of my healing journey was to separate myself from working in high-stress kitchens and mental health jobs that I used as a tool to avoid the work I needed to do within myself. Today, I have been blessed to be able to call the coping skill that’s helped me tremendously, my full-time job.

I had to practice my new coping skills daily, to form new habits. I will have to keep practicing daily for the rest of my life making the choice to not allow my mental health disorders to win. Self-doubt and fear are a part of the human journey, feelings we all collectively face that isn’t unique to my personal story. It’s hard not to keep score and label days as good or bad keeping track of my mental health as something so linear. The truth is every day is a good day when I do not choose to self-destruct, to get up and try my absolute hardest to be kind to myself. Journaling and painting have become my main source of comfort in times of stress. One of the skills that has helped me change my perspective when faced with intrusive anxious thoughts, has been practicing being my own lawyer and finding all of the evidence of the facts of the problem causing me anxiety. Questioning how I am interpreting a situation. If I am taking a situation and feeding it through a filter of fear, I’m giving in to the false narratives I’ve developed through my own lived experience. Journaling has helped me place if I am having anxious thoughts based on reality or if I am running on assumptions fueled by trauma. Questioning my thoughts has allowed me to practice the habit of separating myself from my thoughts before they dictate my reactions. Being able to look back on the dozens of journals filled with narratives that are almost always formed from fear and past experiences has allowed me to react differently to distress. Receiving help to learn how to emotionally regulate has offered me the knowledge to overcome being crippled by anxiety in a way that was preventing me from living the life I knew I deserved to live.

There is great strength in allowing yourself to be fearlessly vulnerable and transparent while sharing your truth. I didn’t believe I could reach a place where I felt hope, power, and pride in myself. The women who shared their stories with me and helped me feel less alone allowed me to see real examples of transformation. The key to persistence is acceptance. Accepting the maintenance of your mental health is just as, if not more important than your physical health. Nurturing your mental health and committing to growth despite barriers created by mental health disorders can feel impossible, but it will happen in time. It won’t be easy; it will take a lot of time and effort; and every minute will be worth it. As humans, we need to keep thriving to evolve and grow. Nothing in life is certain. Each day is another day that is filled with unexpected curve balls that we perceive to be good or bad. When we stop thriving to be better, feel better, and help others feel better we have surrendered to merely existing. Stop running from your pain and learn how best to comfort yourself while experiencing pain. Feel everything and find something that fuels your fire to live a life where feelings are not facts. My life changed once I realized that every tiny step I took led to a shift in my perspective. Every day I wake up with the privilege to practice processing life’s mysteries as opportunities to grow, and if I accept the uncertainty in each day, I will be okay.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
Visceral Home is a husband and wife-owned small business in which we handcraft fine art paintings that blur the lines between art, poetry, and sculpture. My husband Connor Robinson handcrafts all of our canvases, and frames which are a work of art in themselves. I, Taylor Robinson, paint and sculpt those canvases, then work together to create biographies for each painting offering a written personal essay alongside our illustrated emotion-felt art. Our process is meditative, therapeutic, and focused on opening the door to a conversation around mental health with our collectors and viewers. We aim to build a community rooted in vulnerable conversations to inspire others to share their stories. We are allies for addiction recovery and work closely with non-profit organizations to raise money for harm reduction resources in Charleston.

We wouldn’t be where we are today without the work we have done to heal; together and separately. We are both in recovery from substance use disorder, and I am in treatment for cPTSD. I believe what sets our art and vision apart is the way we use our art to help motivate people to go to places within themselves that may feel uncomfortable. I feel passionately to share the thoughts that people try to hide their entire lives. I aid to touch someone who shares the same fears, unwanted thoughts, and negative self-beliefs. Transparency is healing, and connective. There are natural, normal human emotions that we avoid talking about societally, from this fear of feeling shame. We want to help break the guilt and shame cycle and normalize not being okay. Touching on these topics within our art and exhibiting at shows where we can really have a platform to start these conversations is what drives me. We have been blessed to raise money for two different non-profit organizations last year with our exhibits “RELEASE/RECOVER” and “CYBER GRAVESTONES” for which we donated 15% of all sales. Continuing to not only fundraise but educate is important to keep as a large motivating factor of our mission.

Our next collection “and yet we co-exist” will be exhibited at The Grand Bohemian Hotel Gallery for the month of September 2023 in Charleston, SC. Our opening reception is on September 1st from 4-6PM.

Artist’s statement of the show:

“This collection is a story illustrating transformation— expressing the work it took to find peace with the moments in life that are hard to comprehend. Sculpted textural compositions encapsulate a wide range of emotions co-existing within us. The defining moments that broke us and the ebbs and flow of rehabilitation. Our paintings are infused with natural elements and material, concrete stone contrasting fragility, and strength. Soft wool and leather weaved throughout the canvas with gentle humanity and hopeful comfort. Offering the viewer, a visceral depiction of the way I process emotion. Our bodies hold all of the defining moments that shift our beliefs of ourselves and those around us. Within every human is a bias we forget we hold, forming opinions and urging us to limit connection to only those who agree with us. This illusion of safety is in the presence of the people who feel familiar. Yet our personal emotional growth and ability to cohabitate count on our decision to feel uncertain. We are all chaotically co-existing alongside each other balancing survival, connection, forgiveness, love, comfort, conflict, and the need to feel accepted. ”

If you are in California, we would love to meet you at the SuperFine ArtFair at the MagicBox in Downtown Los Angeles. We will be exhibiting some of our most meaningful works from October 12th-15th. We are so enthralled to be heading to a state that we have lusted to visit for as long as I can remember. It would be so special to meet some of you reading this article there.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

The three pieces of advice I would offer someone early in their art career:

– DO NOT QUIT YOUR CURRENT JOB: YET. If we did not have the cushion of working side jobs, I would have had to get a full-time job while trying to put all of my energy into growing our business. It took a long time to be financially secure enough to get to a place where we didn’t need outside income. If I can go back in time, I would have kept a part-time job just to build my saving account a little bigger before completely relying on selling art. At the beginning of my career, the stress of the unknown was really hard to manage. I started working when I turned 14 and had to support myself since then. Knowing what my paycheck would be at the end of the week was comforting, and the uncertainty of not knowing if you will sell something before rent is due can be really discouraging. I recommend having some line of security set up, an account on a delivery service, or anything to know you will be okay if you need fast cash. I would tell myself if I can go back to wait until I have a savings account with 3 rent checks ready to go, and then dive in headfirst into the pursuit of art. It’s not easy to feel creative when stressed about bills. A ton of east coast states have been lucky enough to have access to an app called “Gig Pro”. I’m sure, and hope you have something similar in your area. Gig Pro puts up job listings in F&B, Hotels, Service, and Cleaning Jobs so that you can choose which jobs to apply to and just work that one shift or as many as you’d like. You also get paid in a few days directly into your bank account. The wages are incredible and there are opportunities for bonuses. Gig Pro, Shipt, and Uber Eats saved us when we transitioned from the jobs we had (I was a chef), to putting everything into building an art career.

Something that feels important for me to touch on while talking about finances, is the way you price your work from the beginning can either make you or break you. When I first started, I was selling my art for basically nothing. I spent hundreds of hours, hundreds of dollars, and so much creative energy on pieces I would sell for $100. These prices were on my website. They were written on the price tags at art shows, at markets, and on my social media posts. I was selling a LOT of art because I was practically giving it away. When I got into the gallery, the first thing the gallerist told me was I’d been devaluing myself since day one. I was basically telling people that my art had no value. It was a huge turning point in my career when the gallerists helped me create an equation to price my art that I HAD to stick to. When I first changed my prices when the demand was starting to become greater, a lot of my customers questioned it. Those customers wanted a cheap deal, a deal they knew they were getting. One of them actually sold my art for triple the cost she bought it for, only two years later. I was financially stressed and insecure during times of dry sales which led me to devalue myself all over again just to pay bills. If I swallowed my pride and picked up a few side gigs here and there I would have been able to keep my prices at a rate that they ARE WORTH. I am in a place now where I feel great pride in my work, I know my worth, and I would never devalue my art again. If I ever needed extra money, I would do any and everything but lower prices. Do not do what I did and price your product or art for what it’s worth from the beginning.

-DO NOT CONFORM TO CREATING ART YOU DO NOT ENJOY CREATING JUST BECAUSE YOU “THINK” IT WILL SELL. YOU JUST HAVEN’T REACHED YOUR TARGET CLIENTELE YET. Do not fall into the social media trap of looking at the thousands of artist accounts with huge followings and start to wonder if you should try to be more like them. Or look around at art shows at booths of an artist selling a bunch of art when you haven’t sold any that day. Artists are the HARSHEST critics of their own work. Sales ebb and flow. Finding your own voice and style is so rewarding. People can FEEL it when the artist is passionate about their work. Do not create with the intention of sales. Create because you love to create, and the rest will follow. Authenticity will lead you to customers who truly connect with your work. Follow your authentic self.

– RESEARCH SOCIAL MEDIA PLANNING & MENTORS BEFORE STARTING YOUR ACCOUNT. I wish I could start my Instagram all over again. To be completely honest I HATE SOCIAL MEDIA, and I know people can feel that resentment oozing off my page. I gave up a year ago because I felt I wasn’t reaching the right people. When I started to become really serious about putting my heart into my page and growing a community, I saw how it will pay off in time. At first, I was posting consistently then went from consistent to posting once a month. I have repeated that cycle over and over again. If I didn’t give up on consistency, filled my page with inspiring content, and stopped hurting my own feelings by following people I knew I would compare myself to I would have grown. Comparison is the thief of joy. The hard reality is the digital world is not going anywhere, it’s becoming more advanced by the day. If you are anything like me in regard to the relationship you have with social media, try your hardest to think of Instagram as a business tool that COULD end up being a lottery ticket to success. Avoid placing expectations on how fast a following should go, avoid obsessing about what to post, and just be yourself. Right from the beginning.

What has been your biggest area of growth or improvement in the past 12 months?
I’ve been reflecting on how quickly 2023 has flown by and how fast the summer months are coming to an end. I’ve achieved more than I could have imagined we would when I looked back at the first intentions I wrote for the year. We worked on projects with interior designers that I have looked up to for decades, got accepted to art fairs I laughed at myself for even applying to, and felt genuinely confident when I called myself an artist. Little by little the imposter syndrome is showing up less and less.

The growth within our business is a dream, but what I am most proud of is the progress I have made within myself. I’ve worked incredibly hard to rewire how I view the world, and fear of uncertainty.

Last year when I was starting to reach the goals I had set and build a business I was proud of I still found myself doubting my worth, right as the high from external validation wore off. When everything was “good” I was still ashamed of who I was, and I was constantly waiting for the moment when everything I’d worked for would come crashing down.

It felt too good to be true. I was fed up with feeling like I was doing all of this work on myself, building a life I deserved, being loved the way I deserved, and I couldn’t even enjoy it because I was waiting for it to end. I realized I set unrealistic expectations for how I would feel when I “arrived” at that moment. I thought I wouldn’t be anxious; I wouldn’t doubt myself, and I wouldn’t have days where I felt the weight of grief I was navigating.

I started to practice ways to protect myself from falling into the trap of expectations. Trying to regain control to know the outcome. Expecting to win. Expecting to fail. Society has created this illusion of what it would feel like and look like when we have “arrived”. Social media presents this in an unrealistic fairytale way. The small wins and the small steps you take toward your goals are the ones that fulfill you the most. Every day I write down my wins. Somedays it can look as small as answering 2 emails and taking a shower. The shift starts when you detach yourself from the outcome and stop expecting how it will feel once you achieve a goal. Detachment to the end result helps you create a deeper level of gratitude for the small victories. There will always be moments of self-doubt and fear. Reminding myself to stay present and live one moment at a time is an act of self-trust.

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