We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Tessa Bell. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Tessa below.
Hi Tessa, thank you so much for joining us today. There are so many topics we could discuss, but perhaps one of the most relevant is empathy because it’s at the core of great leadership and so we’d love to hear about how you developed your empathy?
First of all, we need to understand that empathy is actually a neurological pathway that is developed between your “self” and “other”. That self is in quotes. And that pathway is originally developed very early in life when we are first coming to understand that we are separate from our primary caregiver. If during that separation process, there is a lot of spiritual-soul-projecting of love towards the child and as the child develops the “ID” the child understands that she or he is lovable, they naturally learn to love the “other” in return. Now when I say love, I’m not talking about feeding and cleaning diapers and care that is physical. I’m talking about an actual energy between the soul and heart of a caregiver projected into the soul and heart of a child. If that happens the pathway in their brain from self to other is created when they’re very very young, and they have an easy ability to imagine the other, and therefore feel what it might be like to be the other. I’m gonna say something that is really politically incorrect, but I’m old enough to not care. The fact that we send women out to work to make money to support their families on one level is fantastic in so far as it is the pursuit of their creative careers, but on another level, it often is at the expense of creating that bond with the child because it requires more than just dialing it in. We don’t culturally support the process whereby the father or other partner can replace the mother, though if we did, the process of bonding is gender neutral and therefore the creation of neurological pathways between “self” and “other” is created when any caregiver continually feeds the child with love from the heart. You may think I am going on woo woo on you, but I am 100% sure that one day science will confirm that the heart is not only a device to circulate blood but also a transmission machine.
Now our culture doesn’t value empathy in general. Our culture values competition, and profit.
That said, the brain is plastic and organic and pathways can be developed at any time during a lifetime. It’s just easier when done earlier.
So that’s the neuro-physical part.
On a practical level, even with the potential pathway for empathy, we must create a well traveled road of empathy and that takes action. Conscious choices to put the wants and needs of others ahead of our own or at least give everyone the right to be different and understand their needs and feelings even when they seems to clash with ours.
It helps to see the world as a place of plenty rather than a limited resource. I am not a Pollyanna. The world is tough and cruel and humans are as likely to kill each other over resources as they are to share bread. But personally, for my world and what I can affect, walking the path of plenty is infinitely more rewarding than sitting on the side crying in my beer. I don’t drink. That’s a metaphor. Walking the path of plenty means believing that I am taken care of at all times and so is everyone else. We are all attached and become the organism that is the human race. That organism belongs to the larger universe and is empowered by laws which transcend time and space, therefor laws we cannot understand no matter how far our intellect reaches out. There will always be a mystery when the question is answered, so I believe that those laws guide me and support me and care for me and every single other person on the planet.
When I am in trouble or things don’t go my way I remember that we all have the right to be human, hence flawed. That is the essence of empathy.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
Americans live a very special kind of life which isn’t normal but which we think is the way it is everywhere. Fundamentally that is not true. I’ve lived all over the world and have experienced radically different cultures. So I don’t fit into the “American box“ I am weird and wide open in my mind about what it means to be human.
I have pursued my creative desires while providing service to others to make money to support myself and my family. I’ve been on a journey that flows left and then right and up and down and sometimes turns me all around. I’ve been a writer, an actor, a singer, a filmmaker, an assistant, a manager, an executive board member, a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister.
I say that because what’s important in my life is the ability to go with the flow, pivot, reassess. Be willing to take risks and not be defined by what I think I should be, but allow myself to become what I am meant to be. It’s taken me a long time to understand that the proper way to live is to imagine what one wants to accomplish, and then be happy with what actually comes out into the world as my desires and my creativity bump up against physical reality.
Since we live in a culture that doesn’t really understand what art is, and in part because it has commercialized art so consistently that it is turned it into a process for making profit rather than a process of creation, and expressing the newness of the human experience, it becomes very hard to integrate both the artistic experience and the commercial experience in a way which is authentic. So, for example, I created a bunch of corporate videos in the late eighties. It certainly paid the rent, but spoke to my soul not one iota. But while I was doing that, I was also building a family. Had I felt resentful that I wasn’t making a brilliant movie I would’ve missed the joy of creating two wonderful human beings, and taking care of a 300-year-old house. My ego certainly wanted me to be the victim, but my heart was happy.
I am now in the process of working on a show called Men Money Madness, which is directed by the lovely Layla Metssitane and going to the Avignon Off Festival in France in June and July. Never in a million years did I personally imagine this but it fits perfectly into the fabric of my life in a magical way that adds a layer and makes me a more profound humble soul. (My ego has nothing to do with that). Thank goodness. When I let a higher intelligence run my show it is a delight!
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
When I started adult life there was high inflation, high unemployment, New York City was filled with crime – a rape or robbery or murder every single day. Landlords were leaving the city in droves. Can you imagine! They just walked away from their buildings. Didn’t pay taxes. No repairs. Just abandoned New York.
Life was hard. I remember walking the pavements to job interviews feeling terrible, having no faith in self or the world.
I got a job through a friend and one thing led to another and before you know it I am the receptionist at 60 Minutes. Didn’t pay much but I lived cheaply in an abandoned building which had a huge hole in the roof where rain cascaded down all five floors. It housed artists, a stolen goods fence, a drug dealer and a house of prostitution.
That is to make clear that starting out at the beginning of your journey through life may be messy and dangerous. Take the risks. Keep your eyes open. Find friends to support you emotionally. Just jump into life. There is no “American Way.” There is no successful path beyond what is in front of you. Find the joy. Count the pennies. Eat peanut butter.
The dollars will come, the caviar too. But more value will lie in the people you love and trust.
And when you are old you will see the patterns and the colors and the reason for it all.
What has been your biggest area of growth or improvement in the past 12 months?
2024 is turning out to be a big year for me creatively. Men Money Madness is at the famous Avignon Festival from June 29 to July 21. Three non stop weeks of singing and sharing my obsessions. I have played the show in NY and LA to very good reviews and now I have to translate it into French and wow them. This is a dream, one I didn’t expect!
Contact Info:
- Website: Www.Tessabell.com
- Instagram: @tessabainbell
- Facebook: Tessahoranbell
- Linkedin: Tessa Bell
