We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Tijanna O. Eaton. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Tijanna O. Eaton below.
Tijanna O. Eaton, first a big thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and insights with us today. I’m sure many of our readers will benefit from your wisdom, and one of the areas where we think your insight might be most helpful is related to imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is holding so many people back from reaching their true and highest potential and so we’d love to hear about your journey and how you overcame imposter syndrome.
I wrote a jail crime memoir about my 12 arrests in three years in the early 90s called BOLT Cutters (no, it’s not out yet although I do have an agent!) and about two or three years ago I got this idea that I wanted to read a chapter a month at a rotating salon type of thing. This, of course, would happen shortly before the book came out and it would provide an amazing in-person connection, delight the audience, and produce buttloads of cash from book sales. I’d built it up in my mind and would crack myself up regularly by imagining how with each reading, the crowd would grow and grow until I needed an auditorium to contain the hordes. They’d clap nicely after the first chapter and by the time I’d read all 12 chapters, they’d be on their feet roaring, me receiving a standing ovation to rival them all.
I’m a Sagittarius. We tend toward excess.
So I was dating this girl (it’s always about a girl) and we went to the local kava bar one night in early 2022 where I saw “Open Mic Mondays” written on a blackboard in a green crayon-like substance. “Oooo, that would be fun,” I thought offhandedly. I wasn’t even thinking about the book but just about having some place to practice reading miscellaneous bits of writing. I’d have just come from a Monday night group called the BIPOC Writing Party, which produced two sets of reading every week and which always left me hyped up by the end. An open mic would be the perfect place to expend all that energy.
The first week I read a piece about my dining room, which I’d turned into a dungeon in the early days of the twin pandemics. The second week, I launched into my book unannounced.
I wound up reading the entire book over the course of a year and a half.
Imposter syndrome used to plague me but it hasn’t for a long time. Okay, it still does but *only* when I apply for grants, fellowships, submit work for publication, create presentations–I guess it plagues me regularly! What is true is that it’s not persistent and doesn’t last that long. For example, by about the third reading of the book, I felt settled and confident in my delivery. And I practiced that almost every week for a year and a half. That’s about 78 weeks of practice and during that time, really cool things happened.
The weekly reading built my confidence in my speaking abilities and in my material. I never practiced beforehand so, except for parts of three chapters, everyone in the room was hearing the words for the first time. I learned how to let the work speak for itself. I rarely gave a preamble before I read. There was no, “So I wrote this piece about…” type of thing. I’d just launch into the reading without fanfare. This meant I had to stand behind my work. I had to believe in it. I had to trust that the message would reach the audience whether or not I was delivering it, whether or not they remembered where we were at in the book from the previous week. I spoke forcefully and with conviction. I was completely unapologetic. And the audience was right there with me.
One time I read this part where I was taking white men to task, just really digging in, and afterward three white guys came up to me and *thanked* me for my reading! Others related to the themes of drug addiction, homelessness, prostitution, and jail either for themselves or through their loved ones. Still others just liked the storytelling.
Some people admitted that they showed up primarily to hear me speak. The host once told me that a few people came in one week, heard that I wasn’t going to be reading, and walked right out! Over and above the satisfaction gained from a grandiose ego stroke, I felt like it spoke to the strength of the word and my ability to deliver it justly.
All this helped counteract imposter syndrome and I could go on and on about it but what I also want to say is:
There is a group of people in this country who really believe that their words are valuable and that people will not only listen to them, but will *pay* to listen to them! They also believe their words are more valuable than everyone else’s. This is not true. All of our words are valuable. And I came to the conclusion that if these people can do it, so can I and I come with the added bonuses of being a Black, masculine-of-center, over 50 butch recidivist with a rap sheet and probably some other things too. These intersections and intersectionalities make me a more complex and interesting human being and not the opposite.
I’ve nestled myself in three writing communities where we all affirm our value to one another. We don’t just affirm, we celebrate each others’ words because our words are glorious and epic. Talk about building confidence and overcoming imposter syndrome! I’m super grateful to these communities and I can’t wait until all our boats are lifted by the rising tide of diversity in literature!
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
Professionally, I’ve been an electronic paper shuffler at a popular biotech for over 25 years. I’m Board Chair of Five Keys Schools and Programs, which started as an in-jail charter school to help inmates earn their diplomas and that has now expanded into community organizations, navigation centers, housing, and farming programs. I’ve been on the board since 2006 and became chair in 2021.
After I finished authoring the book, my internal writing systems about this particular odyssey just kind of shut down. It had been eight years. The book was done being tinkered with and basically closed its doors to further edits. It had taken on a life of its own and wanted to go live that life without me poking and prying every few days so I turned my attention to other things. My agent shopped it around and no one offered a publishing deal, but it freed up space for many other projects. While it would have been amazing if my book was published, I might not have been able to focus on these:
– I got four essays published: two about kink, one about the meta process of writing one of the chapters, and one about addiction. The last one was also an ekphrastic piece about Raymond Saunders’ art. Ekphrastic–the fanciest word I know!
– I became a program manager and team member at the Unicorn Authors Club. With my co-collaborator Katherine Agard and under the guidance of founder Minal Hajratwala, we launched the BOLT Cutters cohort, which is a ten-person pilot for people who are formerly incarcerated, jailed, or detained by ICE and who are writing books. We held our first in-person retreat at the Ahimsa Collective in Santa Cruz at the end of May and the beginning of June, catered by Chef Empress Xia Nei and her assistant Whitney Shepard of Third Eye Soul Kitchen. On July 1st we started a four-month online author program for the cohort that runs until October 31st. They will receive wraparound offerings to help them write their urgently needed books.
– I recently completed training as a Sanctuary Coach through Unicorn Authors Club. Sanctuary coaching is about the writer and her surroundings. While it can include book coaching, it really focuses on your writing environment, how you’re feeling about the space and the writing, what blocks you’re working with, etc. I am now accepting sanctuary coaching clients, so please get in touch.
– I’m writing a book that will introduce Black women to kink, which is being adapted from a workshop that I created with several other Black women, and I provide one-to-one education about leather/kink/BDSM to beginners in my home using the items from my Altar to Black Kink.
– I co-run the Dykes Only Space in Dolores Park in San Francisco with Koja Ray, a haven during Pride weekend for self-identified dykes. We also co-run the Folsom Playground during the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco, which is another haven for those whose identity is other than cis-gendered male.
– I ran a weekly writing group, am a member in another weekly writing group, and am in a biweekly Black women’s writing group.
– I was recently awarded a fancy fellowship that I can’t publicize yet.
– I continue to submit essays to various online and print journals, and
– I still read at my Monday night open mic.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
1. It’s okay to be a beginner: I’m not often a beginner, but when I am, I’m reminded about how fun it is to learn something from someone else. As a beginner, I get to ask all kinds of ridiculous questions, I get to make mistakes and have it just be seen as part of the learning process, and I don’t have expectation of my or from others. It’s a great time to experiment!
2. It’s okay to claim your power: In fact, it’s vital to claim one’s power. I get to inhabit every bit of space in which I appear. I trust my own opinions and facts and do not base them on what some old white guy has to say. And I no longer cede space on the sidewalk to anyone except Black people.
3. It’s okay to center yourself: We all know that Black women save the country on a routine basis but receive little recognition, resources, and rest. As a Black woman, it’s imperative that I center myself and stop taking care of people who don’t value me, and devote my time to the people who do. But first and foremost, I get to be at the center *of my own life!*. I draw resources and power toward me whenever I can, not excessively, but so that I live my life from a place of abundance, which in turn compels me to share my abundance with others. It’s like that as opposed to giving my last
What is the number one obstacle or challenge you are currently facing and what are you doing to try to resolve or overcome this challenge?
The lack of reparations is a challenge to overcome, except it’s something that needs to be repaired from the outside. We need reparations. Black and Indigenous people need reparations. Pay us back. With money. With land. Like, cede your resources to us. Just do it.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.bolt-cutters.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatsbennett2u/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tijanna
- Other: https://www.honeyliterary.com/issue4/sex-kink-and-the-erotic-my-dining-room-is-a-dungeon-by-tijanna-o-eaton
https://www.yellowarrowpublishing.com/vignette/spark-2023-eaton-and-her-eyes
https://www.unicornauthors.club/
https://www.fivekeyscharter.org/
Image Credits
Susan E Brown
Onyx & Ash
Josh Egel
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
