Meet Tobey Wyatt

We recently connected with Tobey Wyatt and have shared our conversation below.

Tobey , so great to have you sharing your thoughts and wisdom with our readers and so let’s jump right into one of our favorite topics – empathy. We think a lack of empathy is at the heart of so many issues the world is struggling with and so our hope is to contribute to an environment that fosters the development of empathy. Along those lines, we’d love to hear your thoughts around where your empathy comes from?

I moved nine times before turning 18, often crossing the country, which disrupted my childhood. My parents divorced when I was just two, and I found myself navigating between two worlds—my mom took me from Idaho to Indiana, while my older brother stayed with my dad. I still remember flying back for my dad’s wedding on a one-way ticket; it was a big change for a four-year-old, especially since my mom struggled as a single parent working nights.

Adapting to all those changes was challenging. Each move required me to make friends quickly, and I became skilled at reading people and figuring out how to connect with them. I wouldn’t say I was fully adjusted until around 7th grade, but by then, I had already faced many typical teenage struggles earlier than most.

Culturally, I grew up in mostly white communities but was also taught the rich Native American culture during my time in Oregon and Washington. I experienced a wonderfully diverse environment in high school that broadened my perspective. Movies were my escape; they allowed me to explore human behavior and emotions. Watching characters navigate their struggles helped me realize how common it is for people to face the darkness in their lives.

Family dynamics played a significant role in shaping me, too. My grandmother lived with her partner for over 40 years, which was rare back then. As a child, I didn’t fully understand their relationship until later, but it was a beautiful moment when it clicked for me. Additionally, witnessing my mother’s battles with mental health and my younger brother’s heartbreak after a tough breakup deepened my empathy for others.

Through all of this, I’ve learned that while my own darkness often manifests as frustration or emotional eating, it’s nothing compared to what others endure. So, I strive to extend grace and understanding to everyone I meet, believing that creating spaces where people feel accepted enough to share their stories can help them heal.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

I’ve been on quite a journey professionally, especially since 2020. I’ve experienced two layoffs, which led me to explore building my own business – a rollercoaster ride that I’m still unsure how it’ll end. But through it all, I’ve discovered I’m at my best when advising.

My expertise lies in business operations, which I know can sound vague. To break it down, I primarily focus on communication issues, trust and culture challenges, people operations (HR), and systems-thinking approaches. I aim to help groups of people work together more effectively, efficiently, and enjoyably. It’s complex work because businesses are made up of people, and let’s face it, we all carry some form of baggage from our past experiences.

Currently, I’m working towards establishing myself as a CEO advisor. While it might sound similar to business coaching, I’m clear that I offer advisement. I work with ambitious, uniquely-thinking leaders – many of whom might be neurodivergent – who have already tried to find their own best answers. They benefit from my operational background to get unstuck and achieve their goals faster and more enjoyably.

A significant part of my work involves normalizing the feelings CEOs experience. I provide a safe yet productive space for them to vent and help them manage the emotional labor of their role. Many don’t realize how much emotional work is involved in leadership, and neglecting this aspect can risk relationships, staff morale, overall progress, and personal well-being.

I’m particularly interested in specializing in neurodivergent leaders or those who share commonalities with specific diagnoses, primarily ADHD, Asperger’s (Autism), and bipolar disorder. These individuals often need extra validation and normalization of their struggles. They might feel alone in their challenges, not realizing that many leaders face similar issues but don’t talk about them openly enough.

I aim to create a space where leaders can be authentic, address their challenges head-on, and learn to leverage their unique thinking styles to become even more effective in their roles. It’s about embracing neurodiversity in leadership and helping these exceptional individuals thrive in their positions. When leaders feel balanced and heard, with clarity, predictability, and stability, they can pass the psychological safety to their staff.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

Resilience, self-awareness, and handling ambiguity are the three most important qualities I’ve come to value, with empathy as a close fourth. But I must be honest – if you’d asked me this question a year ago, my answer would have been entirely different. I was building my business on where I have spent the most energy rather than strengths, too afraid to lean into what I’m good at. I have long believed that the harder I work at something, the more valuable it must be, but people repeatedly revealed to me that my time, work, and deliverables are not what they value most in me.

People value me most for my brain – my way of speaking, my ability to help others open up, and my knack for making people feel seen and heard. I have an uncanny ability to connect the dots and generate innovative, productive ideas. Admitting this still feels a bit scary, to be honest.

So, I’d advise others to be prepared for surprising self-discoveries along their journey. Be open to learning new things about your skills and yourself. This process of self-discovery might lead to significant changes in what you’re doing or how you’re approaching your work. It’s crucial to identify your support systems and establish healthy boundaries.

The journey can get brutal and sometimes downright terrifying. You’ll need to navigate these challenges in the healthiest way possible. Remember, it’s okay to pivot, reassess, and grow. Embrace the ambiguity that comes with self-discovery and professional development.

What’s been one of your main areas of growth this year?

My most significant growth area in the past 12 months has been my willingness to embrace my true strengths instead of relying on my “weaker but still strong” traits. I initially built my business around execution in operations, thinking that was where I could make the most impact. While I can execute, it’s not my superpower.

I’ve come to realize that my real strength lies in communication. I have a knack for calming people, helping them open up, and guiding them to see things from new perspectives. I’m a dot connector and an innovator who thrives on ambiguity. For too long, I hesitated to believe I could make a good living by talking to people.

Recently, I’ve shifted my offerings to align with these strengths. It’s still a bit daunting, and with my client base still growing, doubts occasionally surface. However, I now feel a deep sense of clarity about this approach. When I discuss my work, I genuinely light up, and people respond positively.

Moving forward, I will focus on sharing this new vision with the right audience at the right times. This journey has taught me that stepping into my authentic strengths can lead to personal fulfillment and professional success. It’s been challenging but gratifying as I continue to grow into this new career phase.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.motherlode.biz
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobeywyatt