Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Tonia Johnson Mays. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Tonia, so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?
Clear sense of purpose…hmm, the road to finding it was anything but clear. It’s going to appear that I’m going left because I did go left before I got it right. Indulge me for a minute…take the detour with me. I promise we’ll end up back on the right track
As children, we have solid ideas of who we are and what we want to do. Children keep it simple! If you ask them what they want to be when they grow up, pay attention to the answers. As a mom, I would ask my kids these questions all of the time. However, it wasn’t until I became Nana (a grandmother) that I realized something…the majority of children don’t tell you what they “want” to be. They tell you what they’re “going” to be. They don’t usually say, “I want to be a firefighter”; no, it’s “I’m going to be a firefighter”.
Then they grow up, and the answer to “what do you want to be….” becomes a childish dream. Surely, at such a young age, they CAN’T actually know what they like, dislike, want, or don’t want to do/be. Even if they did, what does a child’s preferences have to do with what they’re meant to do as adults? What does it have to do with their purpose?
The answer is “everything”!
We are born in purpose, on purpose, with purpose… with gifts and talents to assist along the way. The problem is that we’re not taught how to use these things to bring the purpose we’re born with to fruition. Instead we’re persuaded to enhance our natural gifts and talents for the purpose(s) others teach us we’re suited for.
With this being said, let me answer the question, which by the way is perfect. “How did I find my purpose?” Found implies something was lost, and in regards to my purpose, that’s exactly what happened. In the process of growing up, I lost my purpose.
I found it by doing, praying, studying, and seeking wise council when things were confusing and/or unclear.
I didn’t wake up on my 21st birthday with a divine revelation. It was more like 46 years of living and then unexpectedly, “Oh, Really God? Hmmm, ok!” And then the real work began.
Along the way to discovery, I did many things. I actually found my purpose by doing & getting involved with things that were obviously not my purpose. Don’t ever underestimate the power of that information, of the knowledge of what is NOT.
For over half of my life, I associated making money with purpose. Consequently, whenever I wasn’t working or wasn’t getting a paycheck, I experienced a sense of worthlessness.
During the Covid pandemic, I couldn’t work for myself, nor was I able to get hired in my new education field. I’d been a warehouse worker for years and my health demanded a life change, which I did by going back to school and getting a diploma in IT. My first job in the field was contractual and came to an end as Covid began; bringing my new job leads to a dead end. My hustle—homemade cookies—had been morphing into a small business but was quickly stunted. No job. No hustle. No money…talk about discouraging. Bills were still coming in but….! Eventually, unemployment benefits kicked in but I was used to earning my own and not having to be accountable to someone else for my livelihood. Yes, it alleviated some of the pressure but became weight at the same time. Why, you may ask. Well, when someone is giving you something, THEY can also stop giving it or take it without a word, and that’s exactly what they did. I had two options: pray or worry. I decided to pray. I had access to my pastor but it became necessary to study scripture for myself, and encourage myself. That helped a lot. It also helped that I could engross myself in filming—until Covid was declared a pandemic and slowed this process as well. With so much time on my hands, I often retreated into my mind, a habit from childhood whenever I was feeling emotions or reality difficult to process or express. So I would write. I couldn’t always say what I actually felt, but I could write it. Verse or prose. Pencil and paper never failed me…a poem, a song, a short story.
I remember the day the news of a black man in cuffs on the pavement with a white man’s knee on his neck emerged across my computer screen. The anger of black men I could handle. It was their feelings of hopelessness that I could not handle. As a black woman, it was difficult not to be able to reach that place… it makes us feel, made me feel, helpless. The Helpmeet was feeling helpless. That became a prime purpose for me, even more important than making money. What is your value if you have no purpose? And so, I began to retreat to my mind palace but before I could, I heard, “My King”. It was my own voice, so strong and sure, comforting but persistent. I picked up a pen and wrote “My King” over and over again. wrote them until others began to flow from me. “You have a need, I will provide…” When I knew in my soul that it was complete, I went back and read it again & again. I was a woman writing from a man’s point of view. I sent it to a few male friends and they replied with “thank you”. After consulting with one of my GIGs, Tijuana, I decided to film it. I called on a long-time friend who has always had my back, Jerome Flemming, to assist me with this assignment. Without even reading it, he had a ready “yes, whatever you need”. I then contacted a friend & associate in the filming business, Dellguan Coleman, to see if he would film it. Another yes! I hung up from him and I. Lost. It!!! Because what in the world did I think I was doing? No savings, no extra money, no set. Nothing. I even called Dellguan back to cancel when I allowed the reality of my situation to set up doubt. When I called him back, he wouldn’t let me back out. Our conversation ended with his response, “We don’t do problems, we do solutions. This what we gone do”. Two weeks later we filmed. 48 hours later I received the artwork and a finished product that brought tears to my eyes. I did it…my first short film!!! Do you want to know what the real accomplishment was? The black men who told me it felt good to see a black couple talk it out and have the conversation end with the man being loved. That! Man! It was also the birth of my Him & Her. The 1st of many conversations between the two.
Cutting across the field— the singing, the baking, the writing all are things that made my world right as a child, but they weren’t pursued because my voice wasn’t jaw dropping. My writing was mediocre at best, and anyone could bake cakes and stuff.
But in the pandemic, these are the very things that kept me sane, encouraged others, and allowed me to be a helpmeet. It brought smiles to people’s faces, and sparked joy in their hearts. Then there came a time when what was being given was taken; not everyone was able to bake cakes and stuff.
My purpose? Edification. I edify. I do it with the non jaw-dropping, mediocre gifts and talents that (most) everyone can do. I use my gifts and talents to uplift and to serve.
As it turns out, the things of my childhood were exactly what my adulthood needed to be purposeful. What was lost had been found.
And guess what? Sometimes? Sometimes I even make money!!!! Lol!
Appreciate the insight and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I’m a cookie baker. I also do cakes and cupcakes but as the name of the the company implies, (Craving for Cookies) cookies are our focus. We endeavor to have returning customers not only for the taste, but also for the experience of an excellent product; the customer service, the memories sparked, the mood set. We’re currently in the planning stage with Micro Wars Comics for Comics & Cookies specials for events and holidays.
School is about to start and we’re looking to team up with a school to support staff with treat trays for the teachers’ lounge.
Artistically, there a few things on the horizon. I’ve been blessed to be a part of the upcoming release of the following films: Reminiscing Shadows 1, Jason Anthony Productions (August 8, 2023, all streaming platforms); Scammer, Venture Quest Films (Coming Soon to a Theatre); The Lost and Found SAGA: The Alexandria Story (Fall 2023). The latter is my Director’s debut as well.
There are a few things in the writing stage— an anti-heroine origin story film, the 3rd installment of the Lost and Found SAGA: The Daniel Story; and Generational Pain (a book of poetry, short stories, and letters written and illustrated by 3 generations). The latter is near and dear to my heart as it is a collaboration of the artistic talents I share with my mother, brother, and children.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Why! Anyone desiring to start a business must have a strong “why?” I was recently reminded by my pastor and friend that if you have a strong “Why?”, your “How?” won’t matter as much. It has to be able to stand side-by-side with peace, health, and family.
Faith! For the believers, faith in yourself and faith in God. You must be able to count on one or the other until you can count on one AND the other. You’ve got to believe until that time when you know. When I tell you that there where times when self was tapped out… mentally, physically, emotionally, financially and yes, spiritually. Times when I couldn’t tell you you how, when, or where. Nobody could or was able to volunteer a “what?” But The Who? Mmmhmm. That I could and still can answer. Thank you God! Faith.
A help! Whatever you do in this life, make sure you help others. Give of yourself. Your living won’t be in vain. Your life won’t be one of regrets.
Alright so to wrap up, who deserves credit for helping you overcome challenges or build some of the essential skills you’ve needed?
Listen, God, in His infinite wisdom, knew one person wouldn’t be enough to help me, lol! There’s a saying that it takes a village to raise a child. HE knew that not even one village would be enough for all that is being birthed in me. So, He blessed me with a village for my humanistic babies and one for artistic/creative works babes. I have my Pastor, Elder Andrea Randle, who assist in my faith foundation. Not just spiritually, but also naturally. She’s very much attentive to my mental well-being. As a creative—it’s so easy to live inside my own head. There are so many alternate realities there. The need to retreat there whenever things become overwhelming is always present. And hear me, being overwhelmed can happen a lot especially on new journeys.
When I started with the films, I was feeling that at 46, maybe I was too old to be trying to get into something new with zero experience or education. Plus, the cookies business was still in its infancy. But then there’s my mom, Janice Johnson Bratcher. She’s my constant reminder that though age is a factor, it should never be used as an excuse. She, by the way, just turned 66 this year and at this current moment has a painting on display at the Brooks Museum. First time having her artwork in a museum. She’s my biggest supporter. Always, ALWAYS pays for her products. She tells me that if she don’t ask for free, nobody else should either. Did I mention that she’s my biggest and best supporter? Love you Ma!!!!
My GIGs (Girlfriends in God)—Sharonda, Betty, Tijuana, Denise, Etoile, and Andrea, are my wise council; biblical and intellectual without discounting the emotional aspects of life. I can invite them to any party EXCEPT a pity party. All are businesswomen. Accountability is non-negotiable and love is unquestionable.
Then there are those who share their professional knowledge with me formally and informally: Fa-Harra Farmer of IVision Digital was my connection to two game changers in my life —Timothy Davis and Dellguan Coleman.
Tim recorded my first single, “The One”. I was so nervous. It wasn’t my first time in the studio but it was my first time alone. My voice only. No team had written the lyrics; they were all mine. I had chosen the track. Me. I felt exposed. Tim covered me. He took time to listen, hear, AND see me. And once seen, wouldn’t allow me to hide behind the track. He coached me through a particular part where I was allowing the track to own me. “That’s not what I’m hearing” is what he said. Well, I wasn’t either but I was afraid to reach, you know? He didn’t relent. In the end, I reached and was rewarded with a beautiful project.
Dellguan Coleman filmed my poetic work, “Him & Her”, as well as the soon to be released film, “The Lost and Found SAGA: The Alexandria Story. He has been such a blessing! I thought I knew what I was doing—but I didn’t, lol! I was filming my play as a movie. Thing is, I didn’t know I had to change the script. I thought I could use the same one I had for the play. Someone is reading this right now and saying “I know she lying!” Nope, it’s the truth. It would have been a disaster. After we shot the first scene he was like, nope…not gonna work. Dellguan was patient. I rewrote the script scene by scene, a couple of them actually on scene. I’d write, he’d record. Not once did he berate me because of my ignorance. In post production, the first scene had to be redone due to us still being in “stage” mode. The final scene was cut and a more suitable one for film was written. Through all of this, he didn’t desert us. I’ll never forget that.
Tymika Chambliss Williams, ISTAGE Writing Formula Masterclass, is my instructor. Under her tutelage, my story writing is next level. She’s given the skills needed to guide my raw talent. As an International Award winning director, her lessons could be so far above my head, but they’re not. As her student, I’ve never felt small. There are many who are teachers only in title. They have the knowledge but not the ability to transfer it to others. Tymika does not have that problem. The opportunities she afford us as her students…whew chile!!! One of the best decisions I ever made in life was enrolling in her class.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: Tonia Johnson Mays; Craving for Cookies 901
- Facebook: Tonia Johnson Mays; Craving for Cookies; The Lost and Found SAGA
- Twitter: Tonia Johnson Mays
- Youtube: Tonia Johnson Mays
- ALL music steaming platforms: Tonia Johnson Mays
Image Credits
Dellguan Coleman, Tonia Johnson Mays, Fa-Harra Farmer
