We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Tonya Perkins-Stoudermire a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Tonya, we’re thrilled to have you sharing your thoughts and lessons with our community. So, for folks who are at a stage in their life or career where they are trying to be more resilient, can you share where you get your resilience from?
My resilience came from my father. I was very introverted and afraid of most things. I was bullied and picked on as a child. My father taught me to get up and stand up. I did not understand that it didn’t matter how nice I was. People were impacted by their own set of events aka “joys and traumas”.
My grandmother taught me to pray and trust God. My mom who nurtured me and taught me that it would one day be okay.
As I got older my faith in God and the family he blessed me with truly kept me standing and thriving.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
All that I do is in service to others. Service for me is also a form of self care. It’s important to me to build lasting relationships. So many wonderful things happen in relationship. To support others and to be supported is a gift.
I founded an organization called Bessie’s Angels. I don’t believe we can do anything alone. Bessie’s Angels taught me that it is okay and necessary to ask and accept help. We are blessed when we help others, we are also blessed with the help of others.
It is important to me personally to demonstrate kindness, love, and sincerity. We can all be the light. We just need to be intentional about it. It’ brings me joy to give grace and to receive grace.
Bessie’s Angels is my assignment from God. The mission of Bessie’s Angels is to nurture, educate, empower, and provide low income housing to young women impacted by foster care ages 16-24. We help with a variety of services. We particularly assist with immediate needs, food, clothing, transportation and more. Bessie’s Place has a laundry. Young ladies can schedule by appointment, at no charge. We have Bessie’s Closet, mobile pantry and a variety of workshops. There is no charge for our services. In fact you can say we pay participants.
We have two very important events this spring. May is foster care month. We are starting the month with a “OUR SUMMIT”. It is Saturday, May 4th, Cuyahoga Community College Metro Campus. This event is for any young lady impacted by foster care. We will serve a continental breakfast and hot lunch. There will be prizes and gifts for everyone in attendance. Foster parents are invited for the first hour. We are closing foster care month with our 11th Annual Bessie’s Angels walk/run, Saturday, June 1st, registration opens at 8:30 am at the Upper Pavilion of Edgewater park. Registration is available for both events on our website www.BessiesAngels.org.
My other passions are Sound Therapy and real estate. I traveled to Sedona Arizona for my sound therapy training. Sound Therapy is a healing modality. My family has a third-generation real estate company McMullan Realty. McMullan Realty was started more than 50 years ago. Home ownership is a way of building wealth. It’s life changing.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Have faith, show up and create and value relationships!
Faith! I am often reminded that faith without work is nothing. You must have faith and take the leap. Do it despite your fears. I was so afraid of everything. Afraid to speak in public, to speak up for myself, to even be seen. I knew that I would not survive unless I moved forward regardless of the fears. So, I would just do it. To overcome my fears, I chose to do things that challenged me. I went to Barbizon School of Modeling, knowing it would force me to be around people. It may even leave me vulnerable to the criticism of others. It did and no one would hire me. My solution was to step out on faith and start a modeling troop of my own. I named it Showoffs. I moved hundreds of miles away to take care of my ailing grandfather. I didn’t know him and had only seen him twice in my life. My mom was his only child and she needed help. So, there I was in Atlanta Georgia a city new to me. Definitely, a culture shock (1983). The lesson is to have faith and don’t be afraid to reinvent yourself.
Show up and do the work. The work maybe growth as a person, employee, friend, job, or task. You may not get everything right. But you do need to do something well. I accepted many jobs not really knowing how to do the work. I showed up, put in the effort and excelled. Think about where you are headed. Often there is no direct path, the journey takes effort. Showing up is both mental and physical. You can physically be in the room, but mentally you are miles away. Bring your authentic self to the table and be willing to grow and pivot.
Valuing relationships, this is the one thing I wish I had mastered early on my journey. Keep in touch with people, even if it is a text message or an email every now and then. Relationships open many doors. You will meet so many people on your journey. My life is so much better because of the relationships I have developed along the way. Bessie’s Angels exists because of my relationships with people. These people impact every part of my life. My doctor, employers, co-workers (past and present) family, friends, even those they may not find me to be their cup of tea. Remember: “At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou
To close, maybe we can chat about your parents and what they did that was particularly impactful for you?
My parents demonstrated determination. My father worked in the steel mills and laid asphalt. Two very physical jobs. My mother worked at the hospital. No matter how much they worked they had time for us. Daddy did all of the repairs in our home. Including widening doorways once we became old enough to date. Most important is that my parents loved me. I mentioned earlier in the article that I was bullied as a child. My parents provided a safe place for me. They encouraged me and taught me to take a stand. They picked me up when I fell. They supported me through some of my biggest life challenging missteps. There was a point in my life when I would have been homeless had it not been for my parents. I did something they were absolutely against. Things happened just as they predicted. They still took me in. They loved me back to health and helped to take care of my children.
Everyone has a story of triumph and defeat. My parents were there for both my defeat and my triumph. That is why Bessie’s Angels is so important. I may have survived without my parents, but how would life have been different? Bessie’s Angels stands in the gap. We help young women that didn’t have parental support. We offer the tangible and nontangible things needed. More importantly we demonstrate faith, relationship, and the importance of someone showing up! My parents and grandmother provided all of those things and more for me.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.BessiesAngels.org
- Instagram: Bessiesangels
- Facebook: Bessie’s Angels Page – Bessie’s Chat group
- Linkedin: tonya perkins-stoudermire
- Youtube: Bessie’s Angels
Image Credits
Tonya Perkins-Stoudermire
