Meet Trilety Wade

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Trilety Wade. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Trilety below.

Trilety, so great to be with you and I think a lot of folks are going to benefit from hearing your story and lessons and wisdom. Imposter Syndrome is something that we know how words to describe, but it’s something that has held people back forever and so we’re really interested to hear about your story and how you overcame imposter syndrome.

I’d always considered myself a writer, even as a kid when I’d write short stories or staple up a breaking edition of the Barone Bugle – an image from the Bugle is included in my photos. (Barone was the last name of my second stepdad). Even at 19, as I tapped away on my word processor, I knew I wanted to write and referred to myself as a writer. I didn’t have imposter syndrome then, and I didn’t have imposter syndrome when I graduated from college with a history degree or when I switched tracks and went into environmental regulatory work. But when I received a letter of rejection in the mail after finally applying to the graduate program for writing at our local university, that is when the insidiousness of imposter syndrome took its quiet and destructive hold on me.

Imposter syndrome failed to affect me when I opened a bakery with a friend, but it just stuck with me when it came to writing. So I continued to write and yet stopped referring to myself as a writer. For years, I left the rejection letter out of my narrative and out of my life’s story. And then one day it occurred to me that by not just stating the fact of my life, I was transforming this innocuous fact into something shameful. . . some sort of value judgment about me as a person. . .something that I’d fed until it got fat and filled me up with embarrassment.

So one day, when the fact was relevant to a story at hand, I just admitted it: “I applied to graduate school for writing and was rejected,” and the world didn’t turn to suffocating wet cement, and the person I was talking to didn’t even blink an eye. And since then, I’ve started to call myself a writer again. It sounds like an easy fix, but the years of silent and disproportionate shame were difficult and detrimental. If shame is a part of your story, ask yourself if you really have anything to be ashamed of or if it’s just a mutilation of fact.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

After about 7 years of writing for clients (blogs, newsletters, etc), I decided to go back to writing for myself and in my own voice, and recently published my first book. Self-publishing is surprisingly satisfying! Maybe it’s because my younger years were spent in the punk rock scene, or maybe it’s because it ignited my curiosity for learning new skills, but self-publishing is definitely a track that I’m proud I took. There was a point when I was in tears while trying to design the cover, so I asked my partner for assistance, and he helped me realign and reformat the font, then he patted me on the shoulder, gave me a kiss, and said, “Okay, you got the rest of this.” The cover has received consistent praise, and that feels like such a win – because it’s as much a part of my partner as of me, and I just stuck with it until it was finished. The book is called “I Won’t Keep You: Short Essays & Little Fictions,” and the best tagline I’ve heard so far is “It’s short and weird, like you.” I’m 5’2″.

I know so many amazing writers who are so engagingly unique, and I’d love to help others self-publish as well. Since my book is published under the imprint The Curious Word, I’m considering approaching a couple of my favorite unpublished writers to get their words into print.

Beyond writing, I absolutely love photography. My favorite subjects are people. Years ago, I had an art exhibit where all the photos I showed were of people in the midst of doing their hobbies, and the backgrounds (art studios, garages, haunted houses, etc) of those photos are as captivating to me as the subjects. I’ve always been intrigued by reflections and backgrounds in photography – to focus on the afterthought or the unseen. You can understand a person on a different level based on what they choose to have around them or to inhabit their space. I was asked once at a speed dating event what superpower I would choose, and I said “to be skin,” but looking at it now, I can see where the superpower of invisibility would benefit me greatly with my love of photographing people and their environments. I included a few of those images in the photo section.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

Being observant has helped me understand people and communicate better, and create characters that act outside of my own experience. Watching and being intrigued by people has also increased my level of empathy by seeing the diverse humanity in each flesh body. These qualities get me out of myself, and any time you can put yourself away for a bit is an opportunity to expand your mind and experience.

You can be more observant by being curious about your surroundings and settling your mind. Really look deep and wide next time you are in a familiar environment. Look further into people. . . notice not just the color of their eyes but the rapidity or slowness of the eyes’ movement. . . don’t just listen to their words but find metaphors for the manner in which they actually speak. . .notice how they smell and what it reminds you of. . . bury yourself in the senses of others and also never forget to really listen.

Honing my writing skills has served me because once you know the rules, you know better how to creatively break them. Not following strict guidelines in writing has informed my voice, all while actually allowing me to communicate more, rather than less, expansively. I never put this together before, but it reminds me of how my dad used to criticize me for putting a prepostion at the end of a sentence by saying, “Don’t say ‘where is the book at?’ Say ‘Where is the book at, asshole?” Hhaha I guess maybe he unintentionally taught me to be creative in the breaking. Also, I will put a preposition at the end of a sentence and not even include the asshole now.

A great way to become a better writer is to be a reader. Read old newspaper articles. Read current blogs. Read translated texts and texts in other languages. Speaking of reading, my favorite book of this year is Solenoid by Carterescu.

My interest in and knowledge of science has served me well. It has taught me to be objective and not jump to conclusions, which helps my mental health and living in a supercharged political environment. Being objective and evidence-based in my thinking keeps me calm, and it keeps me curious. Also, regarding science, a dear friend of mine who is also a nurse and instructor, said to me, “Your book could be used as an alternative text for anatomy.” Science has served me well in my writing apparently too.

What is outside your wheelhouse but gives you a thrill? Go towards whatever that is – from finance and photovoltaics to piano playing and baking, just give your attention to the shit that interests you. Improving objectivity is tough. . . but start by asking yourself why you believe what you do, and then imagine yourself in a world where you aren’t necessarily wrong, but you also aren’t right.

All the wisdom you’ve shared today is sincerely appreciated. Before we go, can you tell us about the main challenge you are currently facing?

While promoting the endeavors of my friends (jewelry, albums, paintings, etc) is an absolute favorite pastime of mine, I have a much harder time with self-promotion. I admire the people who have hustle. The people whose charm is natural and who have no shame around promoting themselves. People will often say “no shame” in a negative way, but I mean it as a compliment. They are NOT ashamed of themselves or their work. They are confident and they know their worth. While I have always believed I have a solid sense of my worth, maybe that isn’t actually the case when I can’t seem to just get out there and really promote my book and myself. I don’t want my promotional posts to feel tactical so at this point I’m just being me. . .which means being kind of quirky but also often forgetting to actually include the purchasing links for my book.

Knowing that video is king, I’ve thought of doing little videos of me reading from the book and calling it Storytime with Trilety as a clever way to pique interest in my book. As my filmmaker friend Dane will say—I’ve been bitten by the film bug this year. So, I’m going to try and blend my love of writing with my new-found love of filmmaking by creating a series of tiny films and promoting I Won’t Keep You in that way. I’ve included two screen captures from two of my little films in the photo section.
And I guess the best way to overcome this challenge of self-promotion is to just do it, not overthink it, and have fun with it!

Contact Info:

• Website: https://thecuriousword.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/graugirl/
• Other: https://trilety.substack.com/

Image Credits

All images taken by Trilety.