We recently connected with Via Tendon and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Via, so excited to have you with us today and we are really interested in hearing your thoughts about how folks can develop their empathy? In our experience, most folks want to be empathic towards others, but in a world where we are often only surrounded by people who are very similar to us, it can sometimes be a challenge to develop empathy for others who might not be as similar to us. Any thoughts or advice?
One of my favorite sayings is an ancient African phrase, Ubuntu, which means “I am what I am because of who we all are.” It’s such a beautiful reminder of our humanity and how we’re all deeply connected.
I was born in America to Indonesian parents, which enabled me to experience life in such a different way. I spoke two languages at home. I didn’t look like the majority. I didn’t think or behave the same way, as very different rules were applied in my family.
In America, I wasn’t American enough and too Indonesian.
I moved to Indonesia to start school. By this point, I had developed a strong (Westernized) personality. So, going home to our small hometown and entering school was tough. I had to learn the formal language. I had to learn how to make friends. And a lot of my American upbringing didn’t make sense here.
In Indonesia, I wasn’t Indonesian enough and too American.
This experience helped me build deep empathy because I never felt like I belonged everywhere I went. It also lit my desire to create a resource that would allow my kids to live in a more inclusive world. To help raise awareness of different communities, behaviors, colors, races, and rituals. Ultimately, to help kids feel like they belong, even if they don’t fit in.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I used to deliver outreach yoga programs to newly arrived youth. The kids spoke their mother tongue and came from different countries. In these classes, we shared space and played with each other despite the language barrier. Coming from a bilingual family, I experienced how language is a door into each other’s worlds.
So, I developed an idea to create multilingual resources for families that look like mine. Families who wanted to introduce kids to their culture and teach them a valuable life skill like yoga, mindfulness, and meditation.
I created Metta Play with the hope of empowering kids to become more aware, fierce, and compassionate. I started with bilingual yoga and affirmation cards.
Now 4 years on, I am excited to launch new resources that will be available in 14 languages very soon. These resources will include languages from historically-excluded communities like Tagalog, Khmer, and Indonesian.
There is something powerful about learning positive words and phrases in your mother tongue. A member of our community once shared that “it makes a difference for our kids to know our heritage languages can be used for praise and love, and not just punishment.” That struck a chord.
My dream is to make more types of resources with more languages, so that underestimated families and communities have access to valuable tools in their own language.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Three areas of knowledge that are most impactful in my journey (so far)
1. Self-awareness
Doing ‘inside’ work is hard and crucial. The more I am self-aware, the more open I am to receiving. Receiving feedback, input, and perspectives. It means I am open and aware of my limitations, beliefs, and driving forces. This helps me make decisions with more conviction. It also helps me stay grounded in critical moments.
2. Emotional regulation
Being able to stay safe while being triggered has been one of the most, if not the most, powerful skills I’ve learned. It has impacted my career and personal life as a daughter, wife, and Mom in ways that have served me. It means I can express myself in a respectful and healthy way. It also means I can hold space for discourse and not react. Of course, I lose my cool, too! After a decade of practice, I can honestly say it is so worth it.
3. Compassion
Compassion is empathy plus action. The ability to offer this to ourselves first, and then others is crucial. Learning how to be compassionate has helped me live a lighter life.
The best part is all these skills can be learned. Just like a muscle, it gets stronger with practice. For example:
1. Self-awareness: you can start by being curious about how you feel in certain moments, with people, or during events. Ask yourself questions like “what am I noticing right now?” or “why does this bother me?” or “what is it about this that makes me care so much?”
Let it sit, see what comes up, and use it as a reflection tool. Get curious. Write it down.
2. Emotional regulation: practice breathing in for 3 counts and breathing out for 6 for 3 rounds every morning. This small habit will build overtime. Start there.
3. Compassion: start by setting a bedtime hour and stick to it for the next 2 weeks. Showing yourself compassion starts by looking after yourself and keeping yourself well.
One of our goals is to help like-minded folks with similar goals connect and so before we go we want to ask if you are looking to partner or collab with others – and if so, what would make the ideal collaborator or partner?
I would love to hear from educators and caregivers who want to provide feedback and be involved in developing future resources. Please reach out to [email protected]. It’s important I create resources that are actually valuable for you and your families!
Contact Info:
- Website:mettaplay.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mettaplay/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/vtendon/
