We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Victoria Cruell. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Victoria below.
Victoria, sincerely appreciate your selflessness in agreeing to discuss your mental health journey and how you overcame and persisted despite the challenges. Please share with our readers how you overcame. For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
One of the most important things that I have had to work on as an artist is healing my relationship to artmaking itself. I have recognized that in order for art to always be a part of my life, my art practice must be sustainable. I seriously committed to art and animation studies through many years of high school, college, and graduate school, but along the way I lost the pleasure and personal fulfillment in making art. I drew because I felt I had to be successful. I was afraid of failing, making mistakes, messing up, and being rejected, so I grinded so intensively that I was no longer making art because I enjoyed it, but because I believed that I had to make art for the purpose of satisfying other people. I repressed a lot of untreated mental health issues, and I didn’t recognize them as mental health issues at all. I believed that I was an intrinsically flawed person, rather than a person who was dealing with uncontrollable, chemical imbalances within my brain.
There are many practical tools and deep paradigm shifts which have been important in healing my relationship to art. One of the first steps was going to therapy, and affirming that my mental health conditions existed at all. It’s easy for me to fall into patterns of guilt, thinking I am too weak or sensitive, or just not trying hard enough to rid myself of my own problems. Today, I try to be affirming of all of my emotional experiences and I remind myself that it is okay if I’m sad, scared, or struggling. Getting help is not a weakness. It is okay for things to be difficult, to be sad, and to make mistakes. These qualities are not signs of failure. They are a normal and necessary part of being human, and especially of being an artist.
Motivating myself to make art through joy rather than stress has also been a major step in improving my mental health surrounding art. After many years of art school, I developed a general stress response when making art at all. Whenever I thought about creating and sharing my personal work, I became paralyzingly overwhelmed. A number of months ago, my boyfriend gave me a habit journal, which I used for a number of weeks to get into the practice of routinely making art for myself. While I already drew frequently for work, it was a lot harder for me to motivate myself to illustrate for purely personal reasons.
The habit journal advised its readers to start with a very small, achievable goal. I began with 5 minutes of personal drawing in my sketchbook everyday. This might sound like a small amount, but it was actually extremely difficult for me. Everyday I would struggle to come up with ideas, I would hate everything I drew, and I felt as though I was wasting time on unproductive activities. As I persisted and gradually increased my practice however, I started to learn through repetition that if I made a mistake, it was not the end of the world. In fact, the mistakes I made taught me how to push through uncertainty, develop new techniques, or make alternate choices in my next piece. Working in this way started dissipating my art stress, making it feel more casual. I focused on making art in a therapeutic way, like a self-care activity versus a chore.
I am learning how to value the artmaking process as much as the final product. As I am working, I try to be mindful. Sometimes I even play relaxing music or listen to positive affirmations while I work, to try to distract my mind from negative thinking patterns. Slowly, I have been desensitizing myself to artmaking as a stressful activity where I have to make a masterpiece every time. I try to think to myself, ‘Hey, I am going to paint today because I love it,’ versus ‘I want to make the coolest painting ever.’ My art practice has become a more casual and thoughtful activity, which I gravitate towards when I want to relax. I do not want to underestimate that making these changes takes a lot of time, work, and energy. I still struggle to relax when making art, and I still have bad days. All of this is easier said than done.
It has only been quite recently that I am starting to heal my relationship with artmaking, but I am seeing the benefits of doing so. Working from a place of relaxation has ultimately made me a better, happier, and more efficient artist. Although I improved while working from a place of distress for many years, today I feel so much more satisfied when I create. I improve much faster when I am willing to try new things and make mistakes. And even when I am not creating an emotionally upbeat piece, it is much easier for me to get in touch with more serious emotions without them emotionally overwhelming me. Being kind to myself and my art, allows me to be kind and give more to others through my art, because I am working from a place of fulfillment. Pursuing my art from a place of happiness is like a long-term investment in my relationship to art, which deserves to be sensitively nurtured and cared for.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
I am a freelance visual artist, and my specialties include illustration, concept art, and animation. I love all things related to design! I grew up in North Carolina and majored in animation in both college and graduate school. Most recently I earned my MFA degree from the University of Southern California in 2023. Since graduating, I have worked as a character designer, illustrator, and logo artist for a comic company, created an animated music video loop for a band, and have illustrated character poses for a video game themed around mental health. I am passionate about digitally painting people, characters, and emotional story moments, and I am particularly interested in increasing mental health awareness and diverse representation within my art, with a focus on women of color.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
1. Perseverance – I am grateful that this is a quality which my parents instilled in me early on. I think that it is important to remember that being an artist is really really hard, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. You may not find success within a single day, but commitment and consistency can always take you to where you want to be. The only person who can truly limit how far you go, is yourself.
2. Love of Learning and Knowledge – This is a quality which has been built up more strongly in me through the influence of my boyfriend, and attending the University of Southern California. It is easy for me to be overwhelmed by all of the pain in the world, but it is also great to recognize that there is so much on this earth to explore, and that people are doing some amazing things within the world. If you open yourself up to it, you can find joy in both the simplicities and complexities of life. There is so much stuff in the world to learn and be inspired by. You can always change, grow, and evolve, as a person, and I think that recognizing these things and appreciating our existence in the present moment is very beautiful.
3. Self-Trust and Care – This is probably the quality I need to work on the most. I think that it is really important to follow your own artistic voice and vision, in order to present your most authentic art. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable without inner criticism, is part of what makes art such a freeing and cathartic experience. If you can trust and care for yourself, you can take chances on new things, and be okay with standing out from the crowd, even if you have to stand alone.
How can folks who want to work with you connect?
I am currently looking for illustration work and would love to be a collaborator on your next project! I love to support stories which highlight diversity, mental health, and underrepresented groups. I am most driven by emotional themes and character-based work, and am open to working on a wide array of projects from animation, to publishing, video games, film, merchandise, etc. If you are an artist or company looking to collaborate please contact me through my email: [email protected] or direct message me on Instagram @ophieelia. Thank you for your consideration and interest!
Contact Info:
- Website: https://ophieelia.myportfolio.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ophieelia/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/victoria-cruell-9169a6232/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@victoriacruell
- Other: Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/user200134866 Email: [email protected]
Image Credits
Anh Nguyen
