Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Vijay Luhar . We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Hi Vijay , we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
How did you develop your confidence and self-esteem?
As a child I wasn’t so confident or outspoken. I was somewhat negative to being open minded and would always get colds or flu. I believe that was a detriment to my health when I was growing up as a child. Any negative thinking was definitely a factor in my physical health where I now believe that weakened my immune system.
I would put myself down and I remember when I was in school speaking to a fellow pupil about playing football and telling them I wasn’t ‘good enough.’ I was not sad or anything but I was putting myself down not through truth but through a false belief.
I don’t even know why I was saying it at that time. It was a ‘comfort zone.’
What helped were good role models in movies. Such as hero characters such as Superman. This was always encouraged for me to emulate. This attitude made me want to become strong. This was a turning point in my own self where I would push my physical abilities from a young age by practicing in the garden running fast and attending Karate.
It was my interest in martial arts and contact sport where I really began to see a difference where I was fully focussed on doing well. But even then I had the talent and this was pointed out by the sensei at the time. I was still lacking that confidence of wanting to ‘win.’
Where things started to pick up in terms of confidence was to do with going out with my friends when I was aged 9-10. We would play football in the street and I became a bit more edgy. Literally overnight I discovered I was really good at football as an outfield player. Before that I would play in goal as a safety comfort zone and I would stay away from the spotlight. It came to a point where I was playing outfield and taking everyone on that boys in the year above me were watching me play in awe.
This perhaps is where my confidence began to grow. It went a bit too much one way where I would become disruptive in class and I would get told off by the teacher. I found myself turning into an individual and a lead through this slight rebelliousness.
The teenage years was mainly about remaining fit. Again through the teenage years the confidence was not fully there.
As the years went by and I was in college it was my willingness to learn in speaking with girls and people in general. Having that edge or attitude is when things start to turn in an individual’s life.
For me it was having that ability to study body language and all the superficial qualities you tend to focus on when you are a teenager.
This leadership aspect began to grow where I wanted to constantly lead situations and I did not like being told what to do. I had my first job when I was 17 and I remember leaving the job when I was 18 and stating ‘I am leaving as I don’t like taking orders.’ I actually stated I wanted to become a Supervisor and when they gave the job role to someone else I did not want to remain there.
A bold decision but that is the belief I started having in myself as I was seeing better ways of leading the team as opposed to being a passenger in the store.
It is that belief system of knowing your plans will work even if it seems like it may not is what the driving force was within myself. This grew year by year and I found the decisiveness in my decision making was exuding confidence and self esteem was building. There was an element of impressing my bosses as validation. However as the years go by it is that personal pride that takes precedence.
The ability to manage my own emotions of channelling any anger or rage in order to remain focussed on goals is how I was able to have that confidence of attempting new situations and environments.
at the age of 33 a new turning point came into being where it was to do with my own growth. The growth never stops and after hitting my personal goals of becoming a Store Manager and ensuring I reach my goal of purchasing a house I was still learning new aspects about myself. After going through some relationships which were quite intense it was a time of self growth searching. Meditation played a good part in this as my self awareness grew. Through this growth in self awareness it was all about confronting any blockages I may have had in my life. The destroying of the ego and recognising I don’t have to act from a place of fear has allowed me to reach a new level of confidence where I am able to feel free. This freedom is very powerful in the sense I can speak my mind with respectful intentions and I can find myself in any situation and able to navigate through it.
Being inspired by all of my experiences throughout life I was able to write ‘Bite your Bullet’ in order for everyone to realise that we all possess this power of self confidence via self belief and confronting any past pain/trauma we may have. It really is that simple but the willingness has to come from the individual who wants to have that change in their life on a permanent basis.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
My career has started off as a customer advisor and then working my way up to being a General Manager. This leadership aspect is something that has always been of importance to me. The numerous people I have managed over the years enabled me to interact with a very diverse, varied amount of people. Ranging from age 16yrs – 75yrs. As mentioned previously the sporting abilities I had grown up with allowed me to exude that winning mentality in my job role as a manager. Achieving targets and ensuring the team feel that winning mentality is how I started off. Having that unique formula work across 6 different companies made me realise I do possess something special that I can share with the world.
This ability to build people’s confidence and create a sense of belonging allowed me to tap into the life coaching side of things where I was connecting with my teams on a personal level where I discovered they had goals within their personal lives too.
These goals they had were a driving force outside of their working life and had them open up to me in my one to one sessions with them. At this point I was healing via my meditation sessions I was having and I was able to impart this knowledge onto others. The blend of my sharp confidence and knowledge of empathy growing within me enabled me to connect and advise accordingly.
This is where the Life Coaching began and especially on breaking free from past traumas and decisions where people felt they had regret it. As a Life Coach my approach is of extreme patience and understanding to begin with. When a client feels that confidence grow from within they are able to get a bit more challenged by me in terms of what Action step would they like to do in order to achieve their personal/professional goals.
Bite Your Bullet where I wrote my book and encouraged people to shine their own light Is what my goal is as a life coach and as an author. Spreading the power through my book where people all over the world can realise there is life ahead. That mere ‘existing’ feeling where we can feel hollow and not present in our environment is something where people feel like giving up or they begin to decline in their happiness in everyday life.
This existing feeling where we are feeling ‘stuck’ is something that Bite Your Bullet can break. Bite your Bullet is about imaginary bullets we create in our lives where our thoughts haunt us.
“I am not good enough.”
“My life will never feel the same again.!”
“I cant be bothered anymore.”
These moments of giving up is something Bite Your Bullet can re-ignite that passion once felt or perhaps discover. There have been people ranging from age 18-55 I have worked with who all have the same feelings. Some people are stuck in the same feeling they were when they were 18 and now they are 40. It is never too late and utilising Bite Your Bullet techniques and potential sessions with myself is a great way in discovering more about ourselves. The effort has to be put in from ourselves of course.
My book is also available to purchase via Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Waterstones online as well as many other online retailers worldwide.
My Life Coach services area also available remotely online for international customers and an option of face to face here in the UK.
Web: Biteyourbullet.com
Follow on IG: @biteyourbullet
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
1. Discovering my skills/hobbies:- For me I discovered sports. Karate and Football. Resilience, dedication is what pushed me to want to become the best in these two sports. I encourage all to really put energy behind what you enjoy doing or what you would like to learn. It is when we have this power to direct our energy to what we want to direct it to is where the real enjoyment begins in life. No matter what age you are. My advice is the sooner the better.
2. Managing my emotions via Meditation: By having anger in my child hood years allowed me to channel this into my hobbies mentioned earlier. When you discover something about yourself that is actually of a purpose and use to life you automatically stop hating the world and want to do good for the benefit of all. Win-win is the only outcome when we recognise and embrace all of our emotions and where the self awareness comes in is where peace begins to be experienced.
3. Positive Attitude with humility: This is the best state of mind to be in as you approach everything in the same manner. Having that positive mindset of seeing everyone feed off your energy is a compliment to yourself and has to be done in a humbler manner. It is often at these times one can get carried away through success and also believing their ‘positive’ approach is the only reason everything is great. This is where the ego can kick in and begin working against us. That term ‘toxic positivity’ can potentially grow unless we approach anything positively in a humble manner. The simplest way to do this is through genuine gratitude.
This has been a massive life lesson for me and one that I would like to share with all.
We’ve all got limited resources, time, energy, focus etc – so if you had to choose between going all in on your strengths or working on areas where you aren’t as strong, what would you choose?
Definitely continue to strengthen our strengths. Simultaneously building our improvement areas is a must. How can we connect with all if we feel an improvement area has not been addressed?
I strongly feel this way as we are ever expanding beings. The passion for life is wanting to absorb as much information as you can. This does not mean you have to be a master of all however what it does mean is that you should have sufficient knowledge in order to manage yourself and others which enables you to build a network of specialists around you too.
The best examples I can give you is at work in the past where I had challenging situations where I did not know something I would seek the knowledge to understand it. This in turn made me improve and turn any improvement area into a strength. The same goes for our personal goals such as working out for example. Don’t shy away from a fitness goal if you find a particular exercise difficult.
Even Dating. When I was new to the dating world I was myself but the confidence I had allowed me to do this. Work on our inner selves first before attempting to connect with another. That’s what I would say on that topic. Because when we have done the inner work on ourselves the confidence levels in speaking with a date/future partner flows with ease.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.biteyourbullet.com
- Instagram: @biteyourbullet
- Linkedin: Vijay Luhar
