We were lucky to catch up with Violet Vonder Haar recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Violet, thank you so much for opening up with us about some important, but sometimes personal topics. One that really matters to us is overcoming Imposter Syndrome because we’ve seen how so many people are held back in life because of this and so we’d really appreciate hearing about how you overcame Imposter Syndrome.
In September of 2021, my wife, Phylshawn and I jumped in, head first, into the nonprofit world, and decided to open a community music school in our beloved small midwest city, Columbia, MO. I remember when we signed the lease on the 336sqft space that desperately needed a remodel, how terrified and excited we were. We had no idea how we were going to do any of the things we were about to get ourselves into, and at times we weren’t even sure if we were the ones who should be doing it.
A few months later, we received a generous gift of $222,700 from Veterans United Foundation to help cover the cost of the remodel. I remember what it felt like when we cashed the check. Up until this time, we were self-employed musicians and teachers and had never seen that much money, let alone be responsible for it. For so much of that time, it felt like we were consistently looking over our shoulders, waiting for someone to say “You can’t do this”, “You don’t belong here.” Turns out most of the time, nobody was saying any of that, but ourselves. All of a sudden we had entered into a world with bigger numbers, bigger stakes and bigger possibilities.
I’ve heard that imposter syndrome comes from the belief that you do not belong in certain places. A belief that often comes from a culture that tells women, specifically women of color, and queer people, that they do not belong in places of power. When it finally hit me that we DO belong, and what we bring to the table has value, only then was I able to shake off the imposter syndrome. It was when I began telling myself a different story about who I was, what I was capable of and what I was worthy of. If anyone belongs in this position, it is us. We have put the time, sacrifice, energy, love and dedication into creating a space that is for people like us. People who often don’t feel like they belong. We all need a place of belonging.
It was when I changed the story and began to believe it. If we don’t believe we deserve a seat at the table, then why would we expect someone else to? Believe in yourself and your abilities. If it’s meant to be, it will be and it will flow to you easily.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I grew up in rural Missouri, close to the small Missouri River town called Lupus, which has a population of roughly 29 people. A major part of my childhood was spent playing outdoors in the creek, going on bumpy gravel road bike rides, helping my mom in the garden and lots of music. I started playing guitar and taking singing seriously when I was around 9 years old. I still recall my first voice lesson and how excited I was to learn more about my instrument and how to improve it. I received lessons from a retired Opera Professor, who taught me the standard Art and Broadway pieces. Though my heart was in other styles of music, specifically my own, I enjoyed the challenge of learning different styles and songs that I was not familiar with.
I learned guitar from a local songwriter and guitarist, a bit of a mid-Missouri legend. He had a red beard that trailed nearly to his belly button. We would have lessons in his, not so climate-controlled front porch. I clearly remember the feeling of my guitar sticking to my legs during the hot humid summer lessons and struggling to reach the strings on my mom’s big classical guitar while wearing a giant puffy coat in the winter. He taught me American Folk Songs like “Worried Man Blues, “This Land is Your Land”, “Oh Sinner Man” and so much more. I learned so much just by watching his hands play while he would tune and noodle my guitar before our lesson would begin. When my dad was home from his job on the river, he would take me to and sit in on my lessons. Often times they would go off on long rants about some folk singer from the 70s while I sat there, guitar in lap, waiting for instruction.
I owe my parents a forever debt for enrolling me in private music lessons. Access to music education changed the course of my life. When I realized that I could take what I was learning in voice and guitar lessons, put it together and start writing and singing songs of my own, everything changed.
All of a sudden, I had a voice and a way to share what was on my mind. It was how I processed being an outcast at school, family dynamics, my awakening awareness of global, social and political events, how I processed my first love and heartbreak and so much more. Songwriting became my therapy. It soothed me when I needed soothing, it helped me take something hurtful and ugly and make it into something beautiful. Music became my friend, my refuge and my North Star.
Everything I do now, I do for that 9 year old girl. I know what a difference access to music education can make, because of how it changed my life and opened and continues to open doors for me.
I have been a self-employed musician since I graduated college in 2010, playing and teaching music. I started my band, Violet and the Undercurrents in 2011 and we toured all over the midwest region until 2019. We would tour on the weekends, and Phylshawn and I would teach music during the week. The pandemic gave us a break from that routine, that we probably would have not taken otherwise, and helped us to reevaluate how we wanted to structure our lives. Touring was becoming more and more of a challenge and unpredictable. We had always dreamt of having a space we could both teach music at, and I had always held a bigger dream of opening a creative arts school. A dream I first realized when visiting the Old Town School of Folk Music in Chicago, IL as a High Schooler.
When we found the building where we now run our nonprofit music community school, Compass Inc., that’s when our new life started to take shape. During this time, I was also offered a job as the Director of Music Ministry at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Columbia. All of a sudden, things began to change in ways I never expected.
Fast forward to today, we are finishing up our fourth semester of programming, are nearing 75 private students taking lessons through our Compass lesson program and gearing up for our summer music camp season. We have cultivated, and continue to grow our community of musicians and music lovers. In addition to running the school, I spend my Sunday mornings serving my role as a Director of Music Ministry at UUCC, teaching roughly 20-25 students a week in my Songbird Studio and am working at carving more time back into our schedule to make and share my own music, with plans on releasing new music this year.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Looking back, I think the three qualities that have helped to get me where I am today are Authenticity, Vulnerability and Open-Mindedness.
Authenticity: Always remember, there is no wrong way to move through the world when you are being your authentic self. No one else can do what you do in the unique way that you do it. By showing up as your true self, you inspire and give others permission to do the same.
Vulnerability: When we embrace our fears and venture into the unknown, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. True strength lies in our ability to be vulnerable and truthful about our journey and where we are in it.
Open-Mindedness: The future is full of unknowns, and people come into our lives for a reason. It’s important to keep an open mind, even during difficult times. Remember that every story has multiple sides, and there’s always more to the picture than what we see in the moment.
Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?
When I begin to feel overwhelmed with the mountain of tasks and the commitments I’ve made, I always find it helpful to take a step back. When I look at the bigger picture with a birds eye view, the small tasks don’t feel as daunting. There’s no need to stress about the things I don’t know how to do yet. Time will take care of that. It is, of course important to plan for the future, to dream into the future you want to see, but there is no need to stress about things that have or haven’t happened yet. Trust in the path.
I’ve heard it said that anxiety is the result of living in the future, depression is a result of living in the past, but true peace comes from living in the moment. When I begin to feel anxious, I come back to the question “What can I do now, in this moment?”.
One step at a time is the only way to move forward.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.violetvonderhaar.com
- Instagram: @violet__sings – @violetandtheundercurrents – @compasscolumbia
- Facebook: facebook.com/violetandtheundercurrents/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@VioletandtheUndercurrents
- Other: https://violetandtheundercurrents.org/ https://compasscolumbia.org/ https://uucomo.org/
Image Credits
Charles Bruce Amy Enderle Fiona Young Rebecca Allen
