Meet Vivian Zhang

We recently connected with Vivian Zhang and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Vivian, thank you so much for opening up with us about some important, but sometimes personal topics. One that really matters to us is overcoming Imposter Syndrome because we’ve seen how so many people are held back in life because of this and so we’d really appreciate hearing about how you overcame Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter syndrome. When I first heard these words, I was like “that’s me!” It is this feeling internally where I to doubted my own abilities and the expectation that at any moment, someone would find out that I was a fraud and completely incapable. To be quite honest, I don’t believe we actually overcome imposter syndrome, because at it’s core it is a symptom of self-doubt. We tend to doubt ourselves when we form our idea of who we are based on external factors such as others’ opinions of us or what we believe society expects us to be; we never truly feel “right” being who we are. So, what I am proposing is this instead: rather than overcoming imposter syndrome, I think the path is to embrace imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome reminds us of the disconnect between who we believe we are and who we appear to be. We can bridge this gap by allowing ourselves to show up authentically to our support network(s), remind ourselves of who we are rather than who we are expected to be, celebrate our identity in the way we see yourself, and work on identifying as well as challenging negative thoughts about ourselves. This is how I think we can embrace and move alongside the imposter syndrome.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

At a very young age, I felt pulled by expectations of family, friends, teachers, and society. It made it difficult to know who I was and how I should show up. Nothing truly felt like enough or the “right things to do”. Every choice felt heavy and came with a lot of doubt. I found myself creating versions of who I was in order to feel accepted.

Overtime, I became really good at being what others needed me to be – a people pleaser, a good daughter, a diligent worker, you named it – but internally I was always anxious and never felt satisfied even when I received accolades for achievements that I thought “should” make me happy.

I found myself really wondering why this was how I felt – empty, anxious, unsure, tired, and low. I tried many things to “get over” the feelings. I made myself busier and tried to test how much I could achieve … and then I have a break down.

I had been studying human behaviour and psychology throughout my undergraduate and Masters degrees, trying to find the magic answer to happiness and fulfillment. The break down disrupted everything – I lost my capacity to work endlessly, I felt like crying every waking moment of the day, and some days I couldn’t get up because of the immense overwhelm of even thinking about needing to start a task. I was recommended to see a therapist. My therapist at that time asked me to consider why I was feeling this overwhelm and pressure, and what this meant to me. During those sessions, I couldn’t figure out what anything meant to me, I could only think about what I was supposed to be. Today, I work as a therapist supporting clients in Ontario in discovering themselves, embracing the feelings, and working to put down the masks of expectations that perpetuate our perfectionism, imposter syndrome, anxiety, and burnout. We do this in a safe, virtual psychotherapy space in order to tap into our true authenticity and vulnerability.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

1. Resiliency & grit: when things are challenging, being able to adapt and recover from the setbacks as well as having the perseverance to stay committed to a goal

2. Flexibility: shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset helped me understand myself and the world in a new way

3. Compassionate honest: being willing to examine myself and the relationships in my life (with others and with the self) through a compassionate lens

The center of these qualities is curiosity and presence. Allowing yourself to stay curious and present-focused opens up the possibility of noticing when we’re not being resilient, perseverant, compassionate, or flexible and helps bring us back to these practices.

Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?

When I feel overwhelmed, the first things I do is connect with my 5 senses so that I can be grounded in the present moment again. I try to find activities that focus on what I can smell, touch, hear, see, and/or taste and if that activities involves more than 1 of my senses, that’s even better. For example, watching and smelling a candle while feeling the warmth of it in it’s container is one of the ways I bring myself back to the current moment.

After I feel grounded again, I think about my task and try to figure out how to prioritize the task: to do, delete, delegate, or schedule for later (the Eisenhower Matrix). I then break down the task to smaller tasks when possible and make a list of 3-5 tasks to complete for the day.

If I get overwhelmed again at any point, I go back to grounding myself through my 5 senses or sometimes turn to breathing exercises and self -affirming mantras.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://viviantherapy.ca
• Instagram: @vivian.therapy
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/vivian-therapy