Mike Elder on Life, Lessons & Legacy

Mike Elder shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.

Mike, really appreciate you sharing your stories and insights with us. The world would have so much more understanding and empathy if we all were a bit more open about our stories and how they have helped shaped our journey and worldview. Let’s jump in with a fun one: What is a normal day like for you right now?
Haha, I don’t think I have “normal” days — or maybe I just don’t know what normal is supposed to look like. I live on a small farm, so my day starts with feeding animals and negotiating with creatures who absolutely do not care about my schedule.

After that? Its a free for all!
Some days I’m making a cake.
Some days I’m painting a mural, creating a sculpture or fixing an old car.
And some days I just ditch all responsibilities and follow whatever random adventure comes along. That actually happens a lot… sometimes I do nothing at all. All of the above are fine by me.

I try to do something new every week — even if it’s just eating somewhere I’ve never been. Or driving a different route to a routine place. I love trying new things. It keeps life interesting… and keeps me from accidentally becoming boring

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
Gosh, I’m not really sure what to call myself or what defines what I do. Mostly I’d say I’m an artist, but, I dont really have a set medium. I’m well known for my cake sculpting, which has landed me on dozens of tv shows, and with 3 Guiness World Records. I’ve done cakes in three continents for celebrities, sports teams, you name it. But these days I do far more “other art”. Murals, of all sorts, sculptures and commissions, I restore vintage cars too.

Thanks for sharing that. Would love to go back in time and hear about how your past might have impacted who you are today. What relationship most shaped how you see yourself?
Man… that’s a tough one.
I’ve known a lot of great people — and some not so great. Oddly, I’m thankful for all of them. They’ve all been important to me. But the truth is, I’ve lived through a lot of failed relationships. I was always convinced that my value as a person depended on my relationships — on my ability to earn respect.

I spent most of my life trying to earn acceptance. I tried for decades to be the person I thought I needed to be, or who I was told I needed to be, just to feel loved and valued. I never really felt accepted, and I never felt worthy. In fact, it seemed like the harder I tried, the less fulfilled I became.

Eventually, I learned to forgive myself — like, really forgive myself. I realized I didn’t need to earn respect or love. I’m still a work in progress… but the point is, you can’t be there for anyone — including yourself — if you’re still hanging on to your past or your old traumas.

It’s not noble to punish yourself for the past. It doesn’t make you moral or good to hate yourself for mistakes or what you think were failures. Feeling bad about them doesn’t change anything. It’s just a waste of time and energy.

Forgive yourself. Do better next time. Try to have some fun. Make other people, and yourself, happy.

If you’re living in the past, you’re not really living — so start living. Life is too short!

Was there ever a time you almost gave up?
Too many times.
I’ve always taken failure very personally. Childhood trauma taught me that I was somehow responsible for the happiness of everyone around me. I grew up believing that I had to fix everything for everyone or I was unlovable. I thought I had to be perfect.

Well… no one is perfect. So I ended up convinced that I was the problem, that I was unlovable. I resented myself for that. Sometimes, I even resented others because of it. And honestly, there were times when it was hard to want to keep going while feeling that way.

I’ve had moments in life that looked like real success. I’m lucky in the sense that when I try something new, I tend to catch on quickly — sometimes even excel. I’ve won awards and gotten recognition for things I never imagined I would.
But I’ve also failed way more times than I can count. Those failures hurt. They stuck with me so much more than any win ever did — in work, in relationships, in everything. And they shook me to my core.

But they also taught me more than any victory ever could. The process was painful, but it’s what helped me eventually find myself. It helped me let go of so much unearned shame and guilt, too.

It’s funny — the things we feel ashamed or guilty for that were never ours to carry in the first place… just someone else’s opinion. Just because someone judges you doesn’t mean you have to accept their verdict.

That realization was huge for me.

Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. What’s a belief or project you’re committed to, no matter how long it takes?
I’m an artist, so my projects are reflections of my life — my mental state, and what I’m trying to do, which is grow and understand. I’m learning how to live and how to create. Honestly, to me, they’re the same thing.

The one thing I’m trying hardest to do is realize that holding on to the past — whether it came from my own choices or someone else’s actions — isn’t noble. It doesn’t make me a good person to feel terrible about it, or to torture myself with shame and regret because I made mistakes or because I was hurt, or that I hurt others. If anything, it actually makes me selfish. It keeps me stuck in myself, and that ugly replay of the past, instead of present with the people who need me now.

I’m trying to adopt an attitude of unconditional self-forgiveness. Maybe that sounds crazy, but I’ve come to believe we waste so much of our lives focusing on past failures instead of present opportunities.

I’m alive. I’m happy. And I have the chance to do anything I commit myself to — to be a better parent, a better artist, a better human being. But I can’t do that if I’m constantly reminding myself of who I *used* to think I was, or how badly something ended. That casts a shadow over everything you do. Every thought. Every effort. It robs the world and yourself of the real you.

It starts with being mindful of how I talk to myself — making small changes in my inner dialogue. Treating myself the way I would treat someone I love… hell, even the way I’d treat a stranger. I don’t call myself names. Self depreciation is damaging, even if you’re making a joke. If someone else cut you down repeatedly and claimed it was a “joke”, you’d call them a narcissist but its okay to do it to yourself? No. I don’t let my thoughts slide into “you can’t do this.” I try not to spiral into worry. It’s wild how people can be so unforgiving of themselves when they’d never dream of treating another person that way. It’s a ridiculous double standard.

Love yourself. You deserve it. And it’s okay to finally believe that.

Thank you so much for all of your openness so far. Maybe we can close with a future oriented question. If you retired tomorrow, what would your customers miss most?
I honestly hate to say it, as it may sound negative, but I think the scary truth is that for most of us, no one would miss us for long. Sure, there’d be a brief time where people might say they miss us, or whatever it was we did for them, and it’d be true too— but pretty quickly, life rages on, like a freight train. It always does.

But that doesn’t make our time meaningless. If anything, it makes it more valuable.

So my view is this: while we’re here, we should focus on what we CAN do. Make a dent. Cause some change. Make people happy. No one’s going to care that they can’t order a cake from me anymore or get me to paint a wall — but they might remember how I made them feel, even if only in brief moments. And often, those seemingly little moments matter more than we realize.

If any of my art lives on after I’m gone, great. But even if it doesn’t, that’s okay. Not everything has to last forever to be worth creating. Billions of people have come and gone before us, and most of them are forgotten — yet every one of them lived a life that meant something in its own time.

So enjoy this for the gift it is. Smile. Live. Be thankful you got to be here at all. Make beautiful things while you can — whether that’s art, kids, memories, or little sparks of kindness. It’ll all be over in a flash, but that just means every moment has priceless value.

And the truth is, even if the world forgets your name, the joy you create doesn’t just vanish. It ripples. It echoes forever. It becomes part of someone else’s story, even if they never know it came from you.

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