We recently connected with Alicia Reimers and have shared our conversation below.
Alicia, we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?
Abandonment early in life led me to believe that I wasn’t good enough as I was, that something was wrong with me, that I was unlovable. I began most truly developing my confidence and self-esteem in my late 20’s when I started coming to terms with the truth that I didn’t know myself. I knew the version of myself who tried to please everyone for fear of being rejected. As an adult I could look back and know that abandonment wasn’t related to me being an unworthy, flawed, or unlovable child. I began to spend more time alone, especially in my 30’s. This time apart helped me see who I was and what I valued outside of my relationships with others. With my values in place, shame rose up for all the years I lived out of alignment with my truth. Learning to forgive myself for ultimately rejecting myself to please others was a key turning point. With this forgiveness I was unburdened of the past and free to live NOW within my truth. It is in this soulful alignment that my confidence and self-esteem no longer felt determined by those outside myself. It was with this open-hearted alignment that I developed my confidence and self-esteem from within, rooted in my truth and anchored in self-love.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
As a therapist and seeker of truth I help people find their way back to themselves. I see value in reflecting back on the childhood years. Looking back can help us see when and why we started rejecting parts of ourselves. We can see more clearly why and how we developed false limiting beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. With a new clarity and perspective, we can challenge these long-held beliefs. What I love the most about what I do is watching people embrace their wounded parts, the same parts of themselves they’ve spent most of their lives rejecting. It is an honor to see people as they meet themselves in a new place of understanding and acceptance, to see their hearts open to themselves and others, and to grow into their reclaimed most beautiful truth. People begin to forgive themselves and find self-love and self-compassion that have been absent from their lives. Witnessing this transformation is a profound and beautiful honor.
The therapeutic form or theory depends largely on the client. I most commonly utilize a blend: of inner-child work, shadow work (bringing to light the subconscious), acceptance and commitment practices, meditation, breath work, grounding practices, all guided through the lens of self-compassion. There are some people who are less open to these approaches and prefer cognitive behavior therapy or an approach in dealing directly with a current issue without looking at the past. Regardless of the approach, I believe the integration of self-compassion to be necessary to bring about change.
In addition to working with individuals I work with small groups, couples, and families.
Several years ago, Faye Reimers (who is also my mother) founded Soup and Therapy and developed Accelerated Healing Retreats focused on healing trauma. In 2018, I started taking a role in co-facilitating these with her and a small team of healers. In 2022, I joined Soup and Therapy full time. We are presently working on expanding the Accelerated Healing Retreats to include a variety of different healing focuses. The retreats are four days and overnights with a small group of no more than six. The days include intensive small group therapy, art therapy, somatic movement, and guided meditation in a safe environment free from the distractions of daily life. Participants re-write their stories and the transformations are mind blowing and beautiful. We are beyond excited to expand the retreat options!
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Self-awareness, self-compassion, and connection have been the three most impactful skills on my journey. Self-awareness is the invaluable skill of looking within and being curious about who you are and why you do what you do. With this awareness we can see the role we play in situations; it takes us out of the belief that life happens to us and gives us the knowing and confidence that we can make different choices and experience different outcomes. Self-awareness can be developed by noticing your interactions from the role of the observer, asking for feedback, and keeping a journal noting how your thoughts and feelings drive your behavior and the impact that has. When you become aware of a pattern that makes you cringe, with your new awareness you can begin to change it! Lastly, the mind is always so busy making up stories to fill in blanks or play out scenarios. It can be helpful to practice catching the mind when it is making up stories and instead of getting worked up about the narrative you’re creating, interrupt the stream by saying “The story I’m telling myself is…”. Self-compassion allows us more ease in growth. An example, often times a client will be describing a disagreement and say, “I lost it, again- I’m such a psycho”. This way of seeing the self is not helpful and if believed, doesn’t show a clear path toward growth. A self-compassionate approach allows you to take responsibility for your actions and points to what you’re working on. A self-compassionate reframe might sound like, “I got so dysregulated, I need to continue working on remaining grounded or taking a break when I’m upset so that I can respond instead of react”. The combination of self-awareness and self-compassion can allow you to understand why you tend to be reactive and how it may have protected you in that past and highlight that it is now harming you and your relationships. Self-compassion can help you be gentle with yourself while you learn a new way of managing strong feelings.
Connection is vital, we aren’t meant to walk through this life without support. We are wired for connection. If we are truly committed to honoring our truth and not pretending to be someone we’re not to please others, it can feel isolating. We need to find our “tribe”. Being true to who you are may mean you’re not for everyone, but by staying in your integrity you will find the right people for you. People who feel easy to be with, who you feel safe to be yourself with.
What has been your biggest area of growth or improvement in the past 12 months?
My biggest area of growth in the past 12 months has been found in embracing the “all or something” philosophy. In the past if I had a long day at work and still needed to get to the grocery store and home to make dinner I would skip exercise because I didn’t have an hour to climb or do yoga or lift weights. All or nothing. With all or something, if I have a busy day without an hour or 30 minutes to exercise I might go for a 5-minute walk, stretch for 5 minutes, do squats- whatever I choose. Five minutes of movement boosts my energy, mood, metabolism, and I feel good about reserving a little time to care for my whole self. This all or something has expanded into all areas, connecting with a friend on the phone for 5-minutes, sitting in quiet meditation, picking up around the house. It is amazing to me how much 5-10 minutes of sticking with something that is important to me makes a difference!
Contact Info:
- Website: www.soupandtherapy.com
- Instagram: @aliciareimerstherapy
- Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/alicia-reimers-472765123
