We recently connected with Andrea Mein DeWitt and have shared our conversation below.
Andrea, we’re thrilled to have you on our platform and we think there is so much folks can learn from you and your story. Something that matters deeply to us is living a life and leading a career filled with purpose and so let’s start by chatting about how you found your purpose.
While I would describe myself as a half-glass-full person, I believe that the things in life that break our hearts fix our vision. What if you could strategically look on the bright side of your pain and resourcefully allow dissonant experiences to inform your life purpose?
As humans, we have two basic emotions that give us purpose and motivate us to change our behavior: pleasure and pain. While we all enjoy experiencing pleasure, most of us go to extremes to avoid feeling emotional pain. Yet my experience has taught me that reframing our perspectives around a past pain can strategically change how we perceive the negative experience and the momentum we can create to help us achieve life goals.
It starts with this simple equation:
Pain + Reflection = Progress
Pain teaches us that something is (or was) wrong and allows us to change our approach and avoid the same kind of pain in the future. When we try to outrun our pain, avoiding our “feelings” entirely, it only prevents us from harvesting the lessons, pivoting our approach, and creating new perspectives and more enlightened strategies we can use in the future. As counterintuitive as it seems, it is only when we get curious about our pain that we can strategically use it to get smarter, faster, and more aware of the truth inside the intention that we seek.
Knowing what you DON’T want is as important as knowing what you DO want.
Learning to leverage both pleasure and pain can substantially improve your potential to grow and evolve. If you don’t allow yourself to feel emotional pain, you will never understand the why of what hurt you, which can stifle your ability to access your true power and hidden potential. Just like pleasure encourages us to repeat certain behaviors, pain exists to help us avoid the behavior patterns that are not working for us.
The pleasure/pain contrast is not only your pathway towards change, it IS the catalyst for a life lived with intention and purpose. Ironically, your peak happiness will increase when you understand the “why” behind your darker moments: your mistakes, regrets, and the awakenings that broke your heart.
The best part of reflecting on and understanding the WHY behind your pain is that it helps you to savor and appreciate when you DO experience the resonant joy that pleasure bring. Constantly sitting in the blandness of your comfort zone dulls your senses, causing you to take the good stuff in your life for granted. If your goal is to live within the integrity of your true-life purpose, you must be brave enough to investigate both the dark and the light sides of your wholeness. This contrast between the highs and the lows gives us something to push against and the necessary perspective to recognize and cherish those incredible moments of gratitude and belonging that take our breath away and make life worth living.
The concept of experiencing a potential pain can be used effectively as a motivator. Although most people think that visualizing a positive outcome will be the motivational factor that propels them toward success, the mere expectation of experiencing joy at the completion of achievement isn’t strong enough to radically change behavior. However, if you take the time to imagine the pain you could encounter if you fail, your motivation skyrockets. Being able to think about both achieving the good and avoiding the bad will ultimately increase your potential for change.
More importantly, talking about past pain, regret, or disappointment releases the unwanted energy that may be holding you back. It’s essential to allow yourself to acknowledge emotional discomfort so that you can accept your pain and then strategically release the limited thinking around it. In truth, expressing painful emotions makes you feel better. When people cry, it activates the parasympathetic nervous system and releases oxytocin and endorphins, which help the body relax and reduce pain. Think how a primal scream (or even a bit of profanity) releases anxiety by transforming all your angsty energy into a noise that leaves your body. You’ve got to remove the toxins inside yourself to make room for the fresh air of possibilities you want to call in!
I’m not suggesting that you spend all your time thinking about painful things from the past but getting curious about emotional pain (or the potential of experiencing it) can transform your consciousness, making you aware of what’s holding you back while helping you to gain clarity to make more informed choices in the future.
While pain can certainly be unpleasant, the mess is where the magic happens. When you are honest with yourself about the real story, you transform past wounds into scars of enlightenment. Emotional pain can serve as the portal of discovery that sharpens your vision and creates the behavior, and the mindset shifts that get you from where you are to where you want to be.
When you give your pain a purpose, you live closer to your truth, taking your power back strategically, resourcefully, and gracefully.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions, we had for you?
I am an author and certified leadership coach who inspires leaders to step into their power, their potential, and their truth. My circuitous career path is proof that it is never too late to transition, modify, revise, and rewrite your life story! YOU CAN DO IT TOO! The best guides have risen from adversity, understand the obstacles, and share humbly from their scars of enlightenment.
After an over thirty-year career in education, I left academia and took a courageous and transitional leap into the world of life and leadership coaching. I bet on myself, all the wisdom I had gathered through the years, and I trusted my gut instinct that the net would appear. It did and by letting go of an identity that no longer fit, I tapped in to the power and hidden potential that had been calling me home to myself.
The experience of being lost myself, in my early fifties, gifted me the road map to develop Name, Claim and Reframe®, a practical approach to navigating life’s challenges; Balance your emotional triggers, choose actions that align with your core values, and take your power back strategically, resourcefully, and gracefully. Featured on NBC’s TODAY Show as the best motivational read for 2023, my book, “Name, Claim & Reframe-Your Path to a Well-Lived life” is a call to disarm from the suit of metaphorical armor that hides our truths, false identities, and the pain we’ve stuffed away and never acknowledged.
Using what I call the NCR Toolbox (Name, Claim and Reframe®), I created a three-step system that helps leaders establish healthy boundaries, realign their perspectives, and fuel their goals and dreams so that they can curate their own version of a well-lived life.
• NAME the source of your pain point; your triggers and limiting beliefs.
• CLAIM resonant actions that align with your core values.
• REFRAME your thinking so you can proceed with strategic and visionary optimism.
An accompanying NCR Workbook (Hatherleigh Press) will release on April 30, 2024.
Our best decisions are made with a calm and centered mind. Name, Claim and Reframe® is about intentionally choosing to respond to life instead of reacting to it. It’s about holding yourself with grace and not giving your power away to things that are out of your control. To notice how you are feeling on the inside out so you can shift your perspective and make a choice that matches who you want to be going forward.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
- Share Your Vision
Admit aloud to another human the intentional goals you hope to achieve. Speaking your truth and allowing another person to witness it, makes it real. You’re also inviting others to support you in making your dream come true.
- You’re Ready Enough
The time is NOW! Don’t wait to save the money, master all the skills you “think” you need, or for the circumstances to be just right… because they never will. Bet on yourself and be willing to take a risk to honor the vision you have for yourself. Once you make the decision to leap, you’ll be amazed how the universe conspires to open doors and present opportunities which you may not have “received” had you not created a small bit of momentum in service of your vision. Life is about deciding to leap and then trusting that the net will appear, one little opportunity at a time.
- Embrace the Journey and Let it BE MESSY
Don’t let perfectionism hinder you from trying something (anything, really) to give you a flavor for what your desired outcome might look and feel like. Trial and error are how we learn and it’s the imperfections of our efforts that enable our work to become great. Besides, perfect is VERY uninteresting. It’s the rough edges, counter-intuitive routes, and boldly broken rules that make our work provocative, unique, and unforgettable. When we’re willing to put our messiness out in the world, we force ourselves to realize the only thing holding us back is our fear — and that can be overcome. It’s all in service of your destiny.
Before we go, maybe you can tell us a bit about your parents and what you feel was the most impactful thing they did for you?
My parents valued family travel and taught us early on that the most important lessons happen when we meet people and cultures that are different from our own.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.andreadewittadvisors.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/andreadewittcoaching/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrea-mein-dewitt-98694068/
- Other: Take your power back strategically, gracefully, and resourcefully. JOIN ONE OF MY THEMED SALONS Name, Claim and Reframe® Salons are designed to help you implement the practice of NCR, one delicious theme at a time. Like a mid-day mocktail party for the mind, salons are an invitation to gather interesting people to discuss new ideas and expansive thinking. https://www.andreadewittadvisors.com/programs
Image Credits
Photos 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5: Photo Credit to Hillary Jean Photography (first headshot included) Photos 6 and 7: Photo Credit to DeWitt Family Collection
