We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Angie Monko a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Angie, first a big thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and insights with us today. I’m sure many of our readers will benefit from your wisdom, and one of the areas where we think your insight might be most helpful is related to imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is holding so many people back from reaching their true and highest potential and so we’d love to hear about your journey and how you overcame imposter syndrome.
I don’t know that we ever overcome imposter syndrome entirely, to be transparent. I grew up in a home with domestic violence where my dad took out his rage on my mom. My dad was also very hard on himself; he taught me to seek perfectionism by challenging me to make straight A’s (not one A-) in 8th grade and earn $500. Thus began my career of over-achievement and seeking his approval.
I subconsciously learned that if I worked super hard and made perfect grades that my dad would love, accept and approve of me. This was my mask. Let me convey to the world the image of having it all together–looks, success, strength. But it’s not real. As a woman leader and entrepreneur, I’ve struggled with feeling that if people knew the real me, the insecure me, who wants love and approval from her dad (the people pleaser), they wouldn’t respect me.
My saboteur voices, the negative chatter in my mind, are relentless with telling me I can never DO enough to BE enough. They tell me I’m broken and always will be. What I’ve learned is I can’t trust my mind if the thoughts come from fear. They are lies.
Just because my mind lies to me (as does yours), it doesn’t mean I’m bad or something is wrong with me. In fact who I really am is whole and complete. I also don’t have to trust my feelings 100% of the time, because they’re being generated by my saboteur thoughts, which have a natural negative bent. So what DO I trust if it’s not my thoughts and feelings? It’s my Higher Self, the wise part of me that knows that all of Life is a gift. Every obstacle is leading me towards my authentic self. This is about as close as we can come to overcoming imposter syndrome. But those negative voices never completely go away.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I know what intuitive women leaders need to be secure, strengthened and effective no matter what they have experienced in the past, death, divorce or other trauma. I’m committed to support their sense of self and guide them to use their power in ways that honor and strengthen them.
I’ve been the owner of Harmony Harbor Coaching since 2008 and am rigorous in adding to my education and certifications in order to serve women leaders. I bring extensive knowledge and experience to help them deeply connect with the best within them so they have the positive and fulfilling impact they want.
I’ve been through the fire of transforming my own trauma from hard life experiences. I had a difficult childhood, went through a bitter divorce, gave up custody of my daughter, Maddie, and then lost her to death when she was only 22 years old.
I created this safe space for women leaders to get their needs and desires met in a healthy way by learning to love, accept, and honor themselves right where they are.
When they heal the issues of their heart (feelings of low self-worth, loss, inadequacy, grief, etc.) they create a felt sense of safety in themselves that others can sense and positively respond to.
As women learn to replace low self-worth and limiting beliefs with “I AM ENOUGH,” they are able to give and receive support and take actions that align with the spirit and essence of who they really are. They overcome overwhelm and imposter syndrome by trusting their true nature and purpose and creating what they most love to create. In my workshops, retreats, private coaching and online programs, women become healthy and vital leaders for themselves, their family, friends and all they influence.
I’m seriously considering pivoting to getting involved in corporate America, going back to my roots. I spent 20 years there in finance and operations, and now I’d like to take my message of freedom and empowerment to women leaders who are suffering with imposter syndrome.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
1) Being resilient and perseverant are crucial, and these qualities are fueled by my passion for what I do. I have to have a strong WHY–why do I want to work with women leaders? They influence more people in the world. I know women are suffering. They feel like they can’t be themselves in the workforce. They have big hearts, compassion, and the ability to create emotionally intelligent, connected workspaces, but they don’t know how to be compassionate and loving towards themselves first. Thus it makes it hard to extend this impact with others. On those days when I want to give up, I remind myself of my WHY and that helps me to move forward.
2) Belief in myself as valuable and worthy. There have been many times that I lacked confidence and courage. I wondered why I’m still here doing this coaching. Because I believe in myself, I take good care of myself with a very strong self-care routine. I eat organic, work out, drink excellent water, use essential oils and do lots of emotional and mental maintenance which includes the following every day: journaling my feelings, tapping using EFT, keeping a gratitude journal, doing an energy scan through Solex, Donna Eden daily energy routine, yoga rites and sitting in my infrared sauna. It’s a lot, but I feel it’s needed to keep my vibration high and keep me grounded.
3) Being in my body. This is a newer skill in the last couple of years. As a child, I learned to disassociate from my body because the present moment was painful. I ignored my feelings and sensations. I have learned to STAY with myself, breathe through the difficult moments, and keep loving on my little girl within who wants to be nurtured. I stay kind to myself as much as possible. I rub my arms which is very nurturing and attentive. Hug myself.
If you’re just starting out, I highly recommend that you look at your limiting beliefs that would have you disrespect and abondon yourself when things get tough (because they will get tough). If you maintain the belief that you are enough and worthy of being happy, that it’s safe to pursue your dreams, your WHY, you’ll persevere and win the long run.
One of our goals is to help like-minded folks with similar goals connect and so before we go we want to ask if you are looking to partner or collab with others – and if so, what would make the ideal collaborator or partner?
Yes, I am looking for people to collaborate with. I’d say it’s more about the type of person than a particular demographic. I’m looking for open-minded and curious women who understand energy, that energy is what we’re made of and what we need to manage to bring forth our most desired lifestyle of freedom, joy, creativity, and calm productivity.
My ideal partner understands the mind-body connection, how we think and feel affects our physcial health. The mind and body are directly tied together. Without optimal health, we won’t be able to interact with the world and have enough energy to consistently move forward toward our mission and purpose.
My ideal collaborator questions things. She filters ideas and beliefs through her consciousness and doesn’t take something for Truth if it doesn’t feel right to her. She is very intuitive.
Specifically, I’d like to meet someone like this who works with women leaders in any capacity. These women might be leading women’s organizations, in corporate leadership roles, female entrepreneurs, other life coaches, etc.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.harmonyharbor.com
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/angela.monko
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/harmonyharbor/
- Other: https://www.pinterest.com/harmonyharborcoaching/
