We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Ayumu Hinata. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Ayumu below.
Ayumu, sincerely appreciate your selflessness in agreeing to discuss your mental health journey and how you overcame and persisted despite the challenges. Please share with our readers how you overcame. For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
I don’t know where to start my journey. Let me tell you little bit about my early life.
I was born in Japan , raised by loving grandparents. My parents were divorced when I was 2 years old. My father was work at city and visited me once a week.
He remarried with my step mom when I was 4years old. But they open the restaurant. Businesses gets busy and I stayed with my grandparents until graduated junior high school.
I only heard about my father side of family about my birth mom and I don’t know what she looks like. It was intimidating to ask family members about her and awkward so I just ignored and I just appreciate what I had.
My grand parents were very loving and very spoiled me. I absolutely love them but I also love my father as I should.
Every week he came see me but when he leave I just felt lonely, lost and just couldn’t hold myself because I was kid.
I just felt I’m not enough, rejected and abandoned,
As I grow up I started gaining weight.
Many of Asian cultures has skinny is beautiful mind set back in the day.
I got teased and picked on classmates or people who in the school. I tried starved myself or made myself purged.
That was beginning of my eating disorder sign but there is no eating disorder exists that time.
I just feel not good enough, never feel myself look good or pretty.
I worked so hard to lost weight like many teenagers does.
When I lost weight people were more nice especially boys. But I was feel great.
But yet I’m not feel good enough of myself, and never felt felt good enough.
I had long term boyfriend. He was very funny and good guy but he had a big issue….
He couldn’t control his anger. Sometimes he beat me up and told me “ because of me” “ you make me do this” so always my fault.
I had been struggled my insecurities and body images long time. I mean my entire life. I wanted keep skinny and be skinny.
2008 I had a my oldest and gained 70lb and before get back in my shape I got pregnant again. Since then I was heavyset and just busy been a mom of 2 small children.
One day I see myself at the mirror I was surprised why I looks like this… I didn’t felt any attention from my husband and I felt because I am looks old, I look fat, I look ugly and I just not good enough.
My weight loss journey started about that time.
I started challenging myself to more into weight loss. And my final goal was competing on bodybuilding show.
I stared contest prep 2016, completed 5 shows in 2017. I had first time 6 packs and shredded body and I loved it!
I was super committed competition always super restricted diet and over training.
Then get back another diet. That’s sign of eating disorder symptoms again. But I just ignored.
2018 I started more confidence and attended boxing ring shootout event.
That’s my model carrier stared.
As I keep photoshoot it’s becoming my therapy. As I stand front of camera I feel beautiful and confident. I just became different person and I feel good ! I started more exploring my potential.
I started more practice posing, makeup and learning quality of photographers work. I submitted magazines and 2019 published first magazine. It looks great balance for modeling and bodybuilding.
2020 I decided to complete in Japan and wanted to show my father and make him proud. Same time my grandmother was in the hospital. She was lung cancer. I booked tickets and encouraged her because I’ll be home soon.
But soon enough pandemic started and shutdown started. I was show ready condition 3 month just maintain condition that’s extreme work too. Same time my fight got canceled , show was canceled and my grandma visitation got more restricted because of covid.
She was passed 2020 Mother’s Day morning… I just felt lost everything. All hard work I did bring best condition was mean less, I couldn’t see her, I couldn’t be with her in her last time …. I felt useless. Just devastated.. my depression started kicking in, and also my eating disorder gots no control.
I gained 20-30 lb from stage weight that I supposed to be and I just couldn’t stand myself. Don’t want to take pictures anymore and don’t wanna do anything.
I needed to go to eating disorder treatment first time. I couldn’t forgive myself to eat so much fight myself, missing my hunger cue and did sign.
My modeling career is definitely challenging to work together with my issues. My I made friends, open up, take many therapies, learned coping methods. Also photographers that who turned into friends waited on me until I’m ready. Still they said I’m still beautiful and respect my boundaries
2021 I had horrible big car accident. Paramedic took me to trauma center Everyone those I was dead and 1 second I thought too. Because no pain or anything. But end up no Major injuries i discharges 2 hrs.
Also I got Covid 3 times and I’m still fine! I’m alive! My mind set was completely changed.
I have to accept who am I , I should appreciate what I got, all I went through has meant to be happed.
Now I challenged my each shoot has to be express myself. This is me all past crested me and I can express more.
I am Ayumu
I am an unique
I am an original
And
I am the one of kind
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
I am a model for print work and runway work as well. I don’t want to be cookie cutter model.
I challenge my new area or step out comfort zone. Life is one time!! Be present!! Be smil
I do fashion shoot, lifestyle shoot, beauty shoot, bikini shoot and boudoir shoot also runway model as well.
I’ve been publied 2 times at photo vogue, over 30 magazines and 13 runway shows. .
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Eating disorder and depression is nothing to ashamed about. If you notice symptoms earliest is better help. Get the therapy and release yourself and Learn about who you are!! You are enough and you are deserve to be happy. Happiness is not someone providing you. Happiness is you find way make you happy. Find away to coping skills
One of our goals is to help like-minded folks with similar goals connect and so before we go we want to ask if you are looking to partner or collab with others – and if so, what would make the ideal collaborator or partner?
I am currently looking for hair stylists, makeup artist, designer and photographer that beauty shoot, high fashion and something in corporate as a local business Be professional. Be on time. Respect them times and my time, If you don’t have a experience or the one you want to achieve project not always be collaborate . You have to pay the price that’s how you invest your career Every shoot is learning experience , every sessions with makeup artist, hairstylist, designers are learning experience .
Contact Info:
- Instagram: @mjscorpion
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mjscorpion?mibextid=LQQJ4d
- Twitter: @ayuhina1
Image Credits
Geno vision Brian Carter
