We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Candis McDow a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Candis, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
It’s honestly trial and error. I’ve developed my confidence and self-esteem over the years by finding an inner love for myself. One thing that made me begin to love myself was understanding that no one would love me better than myself; not even my mom, and she loves me more than anyone (besides God).
As a child, my confidence was naturally present as I was the leader in my group of friends and a scholar in school. As I grew older into a pre-teen my confidence dropped due to negativity from a family member whose goal was to break me down daily. As a result, my self-esteem plummeted and I began to seclude myself from my peers as a protective mechanism.
I would say I regained my confidence and self-esteem in my mid-twenties. It took me years to reprogram and make myself believe that all the awful things that person said I was, weren’t true. Writing had always been a passion of mine since the age of six, and it became a form of therapy for me.
Confidence is what you make it. Self-esteem is how you carry it. In both cases, I had to make myself believe before anyone else could. It’s definitely a journey, but in a strange way, that person that tried to break me did me a solid, because to say it prepared me for the world is an understatement.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I write–morning, noon, and night!
I have a self-published memoir available on Amazon entitled Half the Battle, please check it out! It’s about my journey of being diagnosed with a mental illness. I thought my entire world was over, as I attempted suicide three times. However, God showed me that life was truly just beginning and that my story had more meaning than I could imagine!
I also do freelance writing. I have been published in over 30+ publications. My first professional byline came from Chicken Soup from the Soul, and I’ve gone on to work with awesome names from PopSugar, Cosmopolitan UK, and Essence.
Poetry is something I’ve only dabbled in a few times, but the art is something I love and respect. I have been featured in publications for emerging poets, and it’s been an honor to be recognized.
Mental Health will always be a passion of mine, and I do speaking engagements that I hope to encourage and inspire people like me, to live! Yes, there are challenges living with a mental illness, but yes, a great life can also be led as well.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Passion: My passion for writing has never wavered. Now, I’ve stumbled and been unclear of my path; I’ve even been unsure about if writing was for me, but my passion to write has lived within me since the age of 6. Becoming an author has always been my dream. Without the passion, I wouldn’t have achieved anything that I’ve accomplished, and the beautiful thing is, with every hiccup, I’m growing and learning.
Student mentality: Learning never ends and never fades. I feel the more I learn the better my writing becomes. I will never be the person that feels I am an expert at anything. In fact, I don’t believe experts exist. Having a student mentality means I am always open to new possibilities, perspectives, and placements.
Tenacity: In writing there have been more ‘no’s’ than ‘yes”. And generally in life that has been the same sentiment. Tenacity has gotten me far in life because I refuse to lose! When I really want something, I’m not stopping. I look at a ‘no’ as a ‘not right now’ or ‘not this route’. I’d say tenacity is my greatest trait, without it, there would be no book, no freelance writing career, and ultimately, no dream coming to fruition.
If you knew you only had a decade of life left, how would you spend that decade?
I’m currently running away. I have been avoiding possibly the biggest challenge of my life, yet I am the most passionate about it. I’ve started my next book, which is about my dad and I’s dysfunctional relationship. It’s very toxic, and because of this, I know it will stir emotions I’ve been avoiding, and some I’ve pushed in the back of my psyche.
However, the job must get done, and so I must get to typing! I struggle with bringing up all of those old memories, the triggers, the mixed feelings, the things that make dating so incredibly gruesome, and all of the things he did and unintentionally did that have played a part in my makeup as a woman. It’s hard, and it’s a lot to unpack.
All that being said, I accept the challenge. And I will challenge the acceptance of what is, and move on from what was, in peace.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://candisymcdow.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/candistypes/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WriterCandisMcDow
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/candis-y-mcdow-70438450/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/CandisTheGreat
