Meet Carrie Pullaro

We recently connected with Carrie Pullaro and have shared our conversation below.

Carrie, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.
I remember feeling confident as a child. I did great in school and I excelled in sports. Everything was “picture perfect” in my world. At 13 I discovered boys and at 14 I got my first boyfriend. I became sexually active at that time and got pregnant. Not knowing what to do I hid it for a couple of months and then it was finally revealed to my mother who decided I would have an abortion. Honestly, I thought this was a “get out of jail free” card. I had many more years to play sports, go to college and just live my life. And little did I know how this one event would change the way that I looked at myself for many years to come.

The day of the abortion I remember vividly. I remember sitting in the Doctor’s office and I was the youngest girl in the waiting room. I remember noticing the strange looks from the nurses, and how I felt I was treated differently than the other women in the room. Nonetheless, I got in and out within a few hours. On the way home I remember my mother telling me that she didn’t want to speak about this ever again. And I remember thinking I didn’t want to speak about it either, this one mistake could have ruined my life. And we never spoke about it again. From that point on, the abortion became a huge secret. I never spoke about it or processed any of the emotions because I felt ashamed of what I had done. If my own mother didn’t want to have a conversation with me about it, what did that mean about me? I felt like I was no longer worthy of love. I was tainted and there was no way I was going to come back from this terrible mistake.

As the years went by I still excelled in sports and my grades were fine but I noticed a change in my participation in school. I began to hesitate in class and not think my answer was good enough so I wouldn’t participate.
Not think I was smart enough. As this not good enough belief grew it affected the way I showed up to my life, The little girl that always wanted to go first suddenly let everyone go before her. There was this like emptiness inside that I couldn’t explain and I didn’t dare talk about it because then people would find out my secret. So I began to numb out the pain with alcohol and drugs. Because I did well in school, it went unnoticed. I still excelled in sports and I notice that my performance had increased. It was if I thought I could “perform” my way into being loved or at least out of feeling shame. Every accomplishment went uncelebrated and I was on to the next thing because I just knew that whatever I accomplished next would be the thing that would make me feel okay. People may have thought that I was confident, however my low self esteem was what was fueling the performance. It was only after I dropped out of college, was divorced twice, and on m y way to destroy another relationship was when I decided that something had to change. The emptiness and pain had become so unbearable, I was willing to really look at what I was feeling inside. I gave up drugs and alcohol and began the process of healing. I began working with a mentor and together we looked some pivotal events from my past. All of the “secrets” I was now holding on to were carrying a lot of SHAME and unprocessed emotions and these emotions were reinforcing my thinking and my behavior. I looked at each event from a neutral stance, as if I was an observer. Without any judgement, I acknowledged it all and owned my part in every event. I released emotions and I focused on forgiving myself. As I began to forgive myself I noticed that my thoughts began to shift and so did my behavior. I started to believe in myself again. If I could quit drugs and alcohol and talk about all of the “scary secrets” I could do anything. I could help other women breakthrough their shame and low self esteem. So I began speaking about my secrets publicly on social media. I talked about the addiction, the abortion, and I also spoke about testing positive for herpes. My message was simple…events that happen in our life do not mean that we are bad, tainted, not good enough, these events are completely neutral. I am the only one with the power to make them mean anything about me. I have the choice each day mean something beautiful because I am the author of my life.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
Today I am Confidence Coach. I am focused on building a community of confident, sexy, empowered, and worthy women who are not afraid to express themselves. What sets my soul on fire is seeing a woman overcome her stories of the past and breakthrough the shame and ineffective self worth stories that have been holding her back for years. To see the lights turn on in HER eyes…when she knows that she deserves to be here and have her voice heard is powerful AF.

I work with clients 1:1
And I also facilitate masterclasses and group programs throughout the year:
Confident to the Core
I have a new group program coming out in July 2024 called Reclamation: Own your personal power

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Commitment: Stay focused and committed to your vision. When a situation arises, ask yourself, “Am I being driven by my commitment or am I being driven by my circumstances.” Commitment is what matters. You have the power to change your circumstances at any time if you choose it.

Validating Myself:
Remember that YOU are the only person responsible for validating you. YOU get to be your biggest fan, your biggest cheerleader and everyday YOU get to remind yourself that YOU ARE a big f*cking deal. There is no one else on the planet that can do the things YOU can do the way that YOU can. YOU are unique.

Integrity:
BE YOUR WORD. Do the things you say you will do. Keep the promises to yourself, (even the little ones). Don’t sell out on yourself! Keep your commitments and follow through. This will build your self trust which builds self esteem and confidence.

Thanks so much for sharing all these insights with us today. Before we go, is there a book that’s played in important role in your development?
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is my favorite book. When I first began my journey of healing, I would listen to this book over and and over again. 4 simple laws to live by:
Be impeccable with your word.
Do not take anything personally
Do not make assumptions
Always do your best

My biggest takeaways are:
Understanding that we have made agreements with ourselves about who we are, what we feel, what we think, and how we should behave. This has formed a mask that we show the world. And we have the ability to change our life at anytime if we choose to create new agreement with ourselves.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Your words have power and your words create. You get to use them responsibly and intentionally from a place of love and truth.

Whatever people do, think, or say…don’t take it personally. It’s not about you, but about what they are experiencing within themselves and their model of the world (their reality).

Contact Info:

Image Credits
Not sure if I want to us these pictures. I will send an email with other photos. Photo Credit: Lisa Costa

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