We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Christina Millar a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Christina, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
Confidence can look very different for everyone. I always thought whenever I reached a new level of confidence, that was it and I had nothing else to work on, which I’ve since proven myself wrong. I was adopted from Kazakhstan when I was only seven months old. My adoption is very important to me and is a huge part of my identity and my perspective on life. When it comes to confidence, being adopted held me back. Of course, I don’t look like everybody else and such, but it took a toll on me mentally. Children who have been adopted face different traumatic experiences, regardless of their past care. I had a problem with abandonment as a kid and felt incredibly isolated. I remember I had dreams of being left behind or forgotten, and sometimes I still do to this day. On top of all that, I was an incredibly shy kid growing up.
I say this to everyone when I talk about how shy I used to be, but I was literally scared of people. Not just new people, but everyone. My parents’ friends would come over, who I saw all the time, and I would always be scared to talk to them. I specifically remember this time my family and I went on a cruise. My brother and I were six at the time, so we would go to the daycare center on the ship. The first day walking in, I was balling my eyes out throwing a full tantrum, because I didn’t want to go. After being pried off by my mom and convinced that it wasn’t the end of the world, I sat in the corner by myself till my parents picked me up. The next day wasn’t that bad, and I eventually made friends with the other kids there. It may have been an anxiety thing or who knows what, but it took a while to break that cycle.
When I was seven, my brother and I were put into karate classes. I had always done a sport growing up like cheer, soccer, swimming, etc., but this was way different. There were many times you had to take the spotlight to do a form or technique. In other sports, I didn’t have to worry about everyone watching while I performed, but in karate I did. Fast forward, I got used to using my voice and even excelled in the studio. I eventually received my First Degree Black Belt and advanced to my Fourth by the time I left for college.
If I wasn’t involved in something that took me out of my comfort zone, I would be a completely different person. I wouldn’t have tried out for leadership positions in high school, started my journey in pageantry, or have the vision for my future that I do now. I talk about what confidence is all about, and how it personally worked for me growing up, all on my podcast. That’s another thing, I would not have the confidence to post recordings of me opening up about my thoughts on a public platform if it wasn’t for forcing myself out of my comfort zone. For anyone interested to listen to this episode or others like it, you can head over to my podcast called Head-Space hosted by Christina Millar on Spotify.
When it comes to self-esteem and being a woman in this generation, it’s difficult to always feel your best. I speak for several people when there’s been a point in my life where I was insecure about everything. My race, height, the texture of my hair, if I was too skinny or pudgy, even down to how my chin looks when I smile. We all know how social media, people, trends, and opinions can all play into how we feel about ourselves and our self-worth. What got me past a lot of my insecurities, is understanding that everyone is different and special in their way. Everyone is meant to be who they are when they are meant to be that person. I still have insecurities, as does everyone else, but that’s honestly such a normal thing, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. When it comes to things like my size, my ethnicity, or my facial features, I now realize that those are the things that make me unique. Instead of trying to hide these traits, I can enhance them and be proud of them. Not only am I happy with who I am now, but it’s important to remember, it’s normal to be upset with yourselves. Insecurities are normal and should be talked about. Not in a way to degrade others or yourself, but to be normalized. It’s okay to say you don’t love some things about yourself, and that doesn’t have to make you more upset. Flaws, damage, and imperfections are all normal, and shouldn’t be hidden away.
Self-esteem and confidence go hand and hand. When it comes to comparison, it’s important to remember your self-worth and be confident in who you are. It’s of course easier said than done, but once you can accept yourself, confidence will be easier to come by. Something I talk about in my podcast is the “fake it till you make it” theory. I talk about how that was the way I got over feeling “dumb” or “pathetic” because I was reaching outside of my comfort zone. For example, if you are going to a public gym for the first time, it’s nerve-racking. All you can think about is if you’re doing anything correctly, and if people are judging, all because you’re new and outside of your comfort zone. Once you keep going to the gym, you worry less and less about how you might look to others. That is very simply put, but that is a general idea. I kept pushing myself out of my comfort zone and just threw myself into new things. I didn’t tell myself I looked stupid, I tried not to overthink, and I ignored the people around me. Again, this is something that doesn’t come easy and will take practice, but it has been the best thing for me for my self-esteem and confidence.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
Pageantry is my world, and I’m honestly always in “pageant land”. I have obtained a state title as the National American Miss Georgia Teen 2020 and recently placed First Runner-Up to the National All-American Miss Teen 2022 Title. I also have several contest awards internationally, nationally, and statewide. Recently, I have begun my Miss-division era at Miss Georgia USA 2023 and placed Top 15. Since starting to compete in pageants in 2018, I still compete and go to events, but now mentor other pageant girls. Christina Millar Consulting is my business that I one day plan to scale as my full-time career.
From my 7 years of teaching Martial Arts, I’ve known I wanted a career to help others. I have always had a love for kids and mentoring. Being a lifestyle and pageant mentor, not only am I doing what I love, but I’m helping others achieve the life or crown of their dreams. I knew as soon as I got into pageantry, I didn’t want to leave. As much as I love competing and providing service and knowledge to my community, I am ecstatic to start teaching others and watching them grow.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Determination will get you far. One of my favorite quotes is “That dream was planted in your heart for a reason.” When it comes to anything, a dream job, a lifestyle, or a pageant title, you have this image or dream of you succeeding in your head for a reason. There have been so many times in my life when I thought, “it can’t get better than this” and it does, and I’m only nineteen. Having been able to prove to myself that I just need to keep going to make my dreams a reality, keeps me more spirited and ready for the next one. Now, you’re not going to just hope and pray for things to happen without the work to reach these goals. I always believe when things are done with the right intention, positive things will return in your favor.
It’s also important to fail, then get back up, but fail some more. First of all, nothing is more humbling and insightful than falling flat on your face the first couple of times you do something, or even your latest time. It’s important to learn from your mistakes this way, and only improve from there. In pageantry, failing helped motivate me to keep going, but also taught me so many life skills I would have never learned if I just won every time. It’s also important to note to take constructive criticism. Even though we are on this hustle and ignoring everyone telling us we can’t do it, let your ego go. It’s important to be willing to accept guidance and mentorship from others. I would suggest even seeking help if you’re stuck or just want an extra boost of knowledge and confidence. People have gotten so caught up in the underdog story of “I can do it myself”. If you have the resources, it’s okay to use them and accept criticism.
Back to confidence, I swear I am so successful at the age I am because I faked it till I made it. For the longest time, I studied what the other pageant girls were doing. How did their makeup look, how did they walk, and anything else I could gain that would help me find my style? I didn’t copy them and steal their style and such, but I was able to observe how effortlessly confident they glided across the stage, and how they presented themselves in an interview room. I also took the phrase “I look so stupid” and threw it out, because that is killing your success rate. I resisted talking down to myself, and just threw myself into whatever I was doing. I made mistakes, and I failed, but eventually, I got it. I faked the confidence until it was real.
What is the number one obstacle or challenge you are currently facing and what are you doing to try to resolve or overcome this challenge?
With all my “fake it till you make it” ideology, I’m still working on the fact that I made it. Of course, there is always a new goal, and step in life, but I’ve been so busy working and perfecting everything that I now deal with imposter syndrome. Not only is it preventing me from seeing a lot of my progress and treating myself as such, but it also held me back when competing in the past. I know that I’m worthy of National and even International Queen status because of the work I’ve done to get there, but I have a hard time believing it sometimes. I’ve recently been able to overcome this specific feeling without outside validation, which is huge for me; however, I still have moments where I doubt my efforts and personal growth.
I feel like two separate people in this position. The version of me before I was confident, having the interview skills I do, and being a mentor to so many young women, and the version of me now, that does all that and more, and with plans to do even more. It’s always a game of tug-a-war in my head, but a way I’m able to keep myself grounded is by self-validating my successes. Even for the little ones, I will acknowledge it and tell myself I did well. It’s a work in progress, and I may never completely accept how far I will have come, but I am always improving.
With all that said, no one will be perfect, and striving for perfection is a waste of time. Work on being the best version of yourself that you can be, push your boundaries, make mistakes and fail, but give yourself grace when you need it.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: christinanicolemillar
- Other: https://open.spotify.com/show/6cilmF8k6u5vpB3TaIZGEl?si=329899b5ecd14308
