We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Debjani Moitra Chatterji a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Debjani Moitra, so glad you were able to set aside some time for us today. We’ve always admired not just your journey and success, but also the seemingly high levels of self-discipline that you seem to have mastered and so maybe we can start by chatting about how you developed it or where it comes from?
I define myself as an imperfect soul. I try everyday not to be perfect but to be better.
I am not sure if people are born with self discipline. I sure wasn’t! Growing up I had all these rules to follow, there was a specific time for doing everything, time to wake up, time to go to bed, meal time, play time, song time etc. It felt rather cruel to always follow these rules and never do anything unplanned. However, now that I am a mom myself, I too find myself following in the footsteps of my parents. At times I do feel bad for my daughter (the 3 year old, wonderful, cheerful Prisha), oh let her play for 5 more minutes, let her stay in the bath for a little more time. I do let her have a little bit of flexibility in her schedule here and there, but overall I do the same thing – follow a schedule. I do it for her good so that she gets ample time to play and rest but I also do it for myself, so that I also get some downtime, self care time, to do stuff that I like doing, like writing and reading. Overall I have become a big fan of self discipline but I won’t say that it was always like that.
In my early twenties, when I got a job and moved out of my parents’ home, I felt like I had won the world! I was very young and I had always been in my parents’ care before that. To be responsible for myself was huge! I had to take care of everything, starting from paying the bills to shopping and cooking. Soon it started affecting my self discipline and in turn chaos took over every aspect of my life. I stopped paying attention to what I was eating, junk food became a staple in my house. I stopped exercising and then I started having sleep problems. I wasn’t doing anything for my mental health either. I stopped reading and writing which were as important to me as breathing. It wasn’t until I became engaged to Debarshi that I actually started following a healthier regimen for both my body and mind.
I had never paid a lot of attention to the whole topic of getting married but after my engagement, I started becoming more aware towards my physical and mental health. At that time, I was in India and Debarshi was here in the states doing his PHD. It was difficult being in a long distance relationship, emotionally it was draining me and I was taking it all out on poor lifestyle choices. Eating whatever I wanted, sleeping till late, not following any physical or mental exercise regimen. I was lucky to get a lot of support, my parents and Debarshi encouraged me, they reminded me everyday the importance of a healthy body and mind. It was at this time that I started paying attention towards self discipline. I started with smaller everyday goals and gradually I was able to push myself to do a little bit more. I was surprised at how much I was actually able to accomplish just by writing down my tasks and goals. I still write down everything, every little thing that I have to do is on my calendar. Those constant reminders act as big motivations to keep me going.
I have been following the same strategy with my food blog also. I have to write something everyday. It doesn’t have to be a ten page article, just a couple of lines are enough. Time for some exercise, playing with my daughter, talking with Debarshi and my parents, these are all great motivators for a day well spent. It definitely improves my mood and at the end of the day I never feel frustrated. If anything, I feel exhilarated that I have had a productive day.
Self discipline has made me happier, more resilient, my physical and mental health are definitely a lot better. I like measuring my progress and by checking off things from my list I feel productive. I have learnt to distribute my work load and ask for help. I have also learnt to reward myself throughout the day, I do this by taking regular breaks, eating a healthy diet and spending time outdoors in nature. I used to think that to achieve the best result, we must block a certain amount of time to do a certain stuff. I thought this process would help me to put my undivided attention on it, but the reality is, by blocking time for the task at hand, we are actually setting aside time for self care. We do everything on screen right? Computers, laptops, TV and mobile phones, that is our way of living. What we ignore amidst all these is to get up and walk every once in a while, to stay hydrated and look somewhere else other than our screens. Self Discipline is not just about work and achieving results, it’s about giving attention to yourself, what you need and understanding what will help you in the long run.
I also understood that self discipline doesn’t mean that you are in for a strict lifestyle. On the contrary, it means treating yourself to something you love after achieving your goal. Earlier I would starve myself for months to shed some weight and then go back to eating cakes and cookies because all that starving used to make me crave for sweets even more. Now I enjoy a cookie every now and then because I want to curb that craving right when it started. I forgive myself for giving in to my temptations because it just saves me from falling off the wagon altogether. This small step keeps me motivated to keep working and achieving my goals. Once I have mastered all my short time goals, I start setting up bigger goals.
My self discipline comes from my will to show up everyday and try again. I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to be willing to do the same stuff over and over and be better at it. I know it sounds like a lot but it really isn’t. If I could leave you with a thought, it would be, if I can do it, so can you!
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I came to the US after I got married, it wasn’t for vacation or studies. I was born and brought up in India, with a certain mindset, food and culture. When I came here, it changed my life and for the better. I experienced new things, I made many new wonderful friends and made many happy memories. I started my food blog which brought together my passion for cooking and writing. Living in a different country totally changed my perspective towards life and food. I started finding new ways of doing the same old mundane things.
For me food was one of the things which changed a lot and for the better. The food I grew up with is so special to me, I wanted to preserve it and share it so that everyone can have access to all those authentic recipes. All this wonderful exposure to a new culture was like a wake up call to me. You see, I don’t believe in slaving in the kitchen for hours everyday. I met people who were just like me. They had moved away from their families for studies or after marriage and now they just missed home. They missed the comfort of staying with their parents, of doing things together with family. But most of all they missed their mom’s food. At the same time, they didn’t want to spend all their time in the kitchen. And I thought, this should be the focus of my blog, how to make it simple for everyone so that they can cook with ease, enjoy the food and also get time to indulge in self care.
At this time, I am focused on wholesome food with freshest ingredients. I like approaching the recipes from a new point of view to make them easier for everyone. Instead of deep frying the vegetables on the stove-top with a wok full of boiling oil, I use my air fryer. I love using my air fryer for almost everything. Starting from fish to chicken to frying vegetables. Have you ever tried warming Naan in an air fryer? Try it. Air fryer is a wonderful gadget for making crispy fried vegetables without using too much oil. This process makes it low calorie as well, making it a healthier version. I make the curry on the stove top and finish the final cooking there. This is my newest obsession, to suggest to my readers how to recreate the same flavor in the traditional dishes using minimal time and effort.
I love taking the non-traditional route for my recipes . Indian cuisine has some delicious wonderful stuffed bread (parathas and kachori) recipes. But why enjoy them in the traditional way only? Try the paratha or kachori filling in a puff pastry or sandwich and you will love it.
I am also on a maiden voyage at making reels and shorts on instagram and youtube. I don’t present myself on them, I like keeping them short and to the point. They just feature the cooking and prepping part and nothing else. Personally I don’t like watching a half an hour video for a dish which will take only half of the time to prepare, so I like to share short videos which don’t overwhelm the novice cooks.
I have always been a glass half full kind of girl and that is always my focus whenever I am writing anything on my blog or sharing something on social media. I focus on the good things of life. I love cooking but if it’s not your thing, find it! There are tons of good places to eat, find a place with a perfect balance of flavor and nutrients. If you do love cooking, find your rhythm. Do you like doing it everyday? Is it like a stress buster activity at the end of the day or do you like doing it all in one day? I love buying fresh vegetables every day and then cooking fresh. You need to find what appeals to you because without it no plan will ever be sustainable.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
I have always been diligent. I am not naturally good at things, so I have to practice over and over again. I understood this about myself very early in life that if I wanted to succeed I had to keep trying.
When I started my blog, I got a lot of support from Debarshi, my parents and friends. But there were also people who demotivated me. They didnt know me and the idea of meeting and talking with someone who had a food blog didn’t seem like something they were interested in. It didn’t occur to them that I wasn’t telling them to try my recipes, I was just sharing that it is something I love doing. So, my one piece of advice to people who are just starting their journey – have patience. Keep working on what you believe in.
That being said, it is often helpful to listen to your critics because they often give you areas to improve on. You need some helpful criticism but not so much that it starts weighing you down. Not everyone is lucky to land on an overnight success so be resilient. You will need a lot of patience to do that, believe me, I have done numerous trials on some recipes and they are still not perfect enough to share.
Aside from my qualities of patience and resilience, I also have a very strong willingness to learn. You cannot succeed if you stop learning and it is for this reason I love traveling. Traveling opens up your mind to try new things and food is a major part of that. It touches our soul in a way that is truly unique in itself. Debarshi and I both love trying the local cuisine of the area we are visiting. Instead of only going to the big restaurants and fancy places (which are usually recommended for the tourists), we find the hole in the wall, mom-and-pop shops which cater to the locals. They don’t always have an instagram worthy photo angle or a set up which you will see on a food magazine page. But they sure have the best food! Having some great food during our travels is always the highlight of our trip. And they help me learn so much! Isn’t it amazing to find that the Baba Ghanoush is so similar to our Baingan Bharta or the Mashed potato is very close to our Alu Bhate!
I have spent years trying to develop and preserve my patience, resilience and the willingness to learn. You don’t develop these qualities all of a sudden, you need to practice them, just like you would practice breathing slowly to calm yourself. I try to look at these qualities as skill sets that you need to practice over and over again to get to that point of perfection. My daughter Prisha is learning how to swim and everytime she enters the pool, she gains a little more confidence. Developing these qualities or any quality is just like that, there will be times when everything will feel overwhelming. You may feel like drowning under the pressure but just when everything starts going wrong, that’s often the point when things start turning back. So my advice, don’t lose hope, don’t give up and whatever be the circumstance always be grateful and happy for all the things you have in your life.
What was the most impactful thing your parents did for you?
When I was six, I saw this beautiful pencil box at a stationary shop. It had unicorns and sparkles all over it and it came with a sharpener attached to it. I loved that box and I wanted it for myself. I asked my parents to buy me that box and they said, ‘Sure! And in return, you will go to bed everyday on time. Do it for a month and then you can get the box.’
It seemed very unfair at that time. Why do I have to do anything just because I want something? My friends weren’t doing anything and yet they were getting whatever they wanted. I never understood that. But then one day I saw one of my friends throwing and breaking her beautiful pencil box. I was shocked! How can anyone do that? I went back home and told my parents about it and then they explained the whole process. They said that when we work for something, we take special care of that thing because we have put so much of our time and energy into it. I didn’t like that process but it made sense. It made me take care of my things in a better way.
Now that I am a mom myself, I find myself following the same incentive theory of motivation. I use small tokens of appreciation as rewards to keep Prisha motivated. I am lucky that I have my parents to help guide me to make all these tough choices. All those times when they were saying No to me and asking me to do something in return, they were teaching me an important lesson – to be better than I am. To take care of the things I wanted to have. To feel like a winner every time I got something special, I had earned that of course! This has definitely impacted my life for the better and for that I thank my parents.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://lifewithoutalu.blogspot.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lifewithoutalu/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lifewithoutalu/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/debjani-moitra-chatterji-5a75b016
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/debjani_moitra
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQR5ygwF-gp78hdqHDOMhAg
Image Credits
Dr. Debarshi Chatterji
