We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Elana Elyce Sullivan a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Elana Elyce, we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?
What a wonderful question! We often shy away from even acknowledging any truth in this, let alone tackling it head on. With that being true, I have to admit that my confidence and self-esteem were built by understanding how others view me.
Coming up in the inner city of Detroit, in poverty, surrounded by the beginnings of the eventual blight, the one thing I believe I had going for me was that I could read and speak supposedly “well” from an early age. I read my first novel between the ages of 3 & 4 (Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Wilder) and my mother, who at that time only had up to an 8th grade education, allowed virtually no slang in the house. This threw me into the “gifted” category, affording me opportunities that my socio-economic background may have otherwise disallowed. I excelled, and loved excelling, but I didn’t have any clue of how it was building me as a person; I just knew that doing well in school felt good and was fun, and when I was challenged I worked to beat those challenges, and usually succeeded. There was no reason to label what I was doing as building confidence, because I was just being. It was fun to learn and then know that I knew stuff… I skipped second grade and was given the opportunity to skip fourth. I opted not to do the latter, grateful that my mother gave me the choice.
Later, in the crucial middle school era, I was teased about my looks. This, I did not understand at all… what was I supposed to do about how my face was made? And I behaved as such; I didn’t know this was self-esteem until much later in life when friends I kept remarked on how impressive it was that the name calling and mockery didn’t seem to bother me. It was only in retrospect that I connected my response then to self-esteem. At the time I just wondered why anyone cared at all what I looked like and it never made me wish I looked different. As an adult, I marveled at how the full lips that middle-schoolers thought were hilarious became a feature that many pay tons of money to have. I was right to not be bothered.
My relationship with my father also contributed. I was my Dad’s only child. Something I recognized very early was that he saw me as a full independent human, even as a child. He valued my independence, my thoughts, and made space for my voice. This instilled in me a sense that I was worth something in the world. That what I may have to say is worth listening to. This manifested in small ways; never through any sort of declaration of the notion. I noticed how he talked to me with genuine interest and curiosity and I felt so big. I knew that I mattered.
So then, armed with intelligence, a shield against teasing for that which I could not control, and the idea that my person-hood matters, I have been able to navigate the spaces I occupy comfortable in my skin. I dare not suggest that it has been a perfect existence or that I pursue everything with ease, but I am comfortable in what I do know, comfortable asking questions, comfortable influencing and persuading, thoughtfully challenging that which I do not agree with, a gift of diplomacy in my interactions, as well as the ability to receive and process critical feedback without offense.
To my original point, given all that, I only know that my confidence and self-esteem are well developed because of how people reflect me back to me. I am trusted with people’s personal truths and greatest secrets. I am asked for advice ranging from parenting (I have no children) to business decisions. While no longer new, it is still sometimes surprising to hear from others that I am admired, kind, patient, reasonable/level headed, eloquent in expression, safe, and powerful. Despite everything I’ve shared above this paragraph, however this feedback manifests, it is through it that I am able to more clearly see the confident woman with healthy self-esteem that others see.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
Prior to this year, this portion of the interview would have required extra time and space, but as with many, the changes made necessary by the pandemic are having ripple effects.
Until August 31, I co-led a reputable theatre company in Chicago, IL, as Artistic Producer. Even though it has ended, Interrobang Theatre Project was such huge part of my artistic life for so long that I can’t imagine not mentioning it here. I’d been involved since 2011 and had the opportunity to perform in and produce some of the best work of my life so far, collaborating with artists who loved building together. Its end is bittersweet, and we move on.
My other major artistic involvement is as the business manager of The Chicago Inclusion Project. We are an advocacy organization focused on removing barriers for marginalized/underrepresented theatre professionals. We currently have an incredible anti-racism/anti-oppression training for arts institutions that are serious about equity, inclusion and belonging. It’s one of the most exciting things we’ve ever done and has the potential to have a truly lasting impact on changing the arts landscape. We are also working to offer accessibility assistance for organizations struggling to accommodate diverse physical needs.
Personally, I’ve most recently directed a couple of short plays for a site-specific project called Wants & Needs. I am writing a play that has been brewing inside me for nearly four years and exploring what my next acting gig may be.
Another thing that sometimes surprises folks but that I am very passionate about is related to my non-arts day-job. I am heavily involved with improving our management approach and workplace culture. We’ve been introducing trauma-informed, resiliency training, emotional intelligence, DEI, and a coaching approach to managing. Leading this work marries my social justice and arts inclusion experience with an industry that is completely unrelated. It’s exciting work and I’m grateful to be pivotal in it.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
1) Listening. Active, attentive listening, REALLY listening
2) Seeing opportunities instead of obstacles; everything is possible
3) Authenticity
Listening is more than just hearing the words being said; taking in body language (if in person), tone, speech patterns, subtext… it all makes such a difference in understanding what someone is trying to communicate. It’s so important to listen with filters off. Sometimes, especially as we get older, we “listen” with a lot of assumptions in place instead of listening with curiosity. When we do that, we miss what’s actually happening in the moment and rely on our own experience. It can hinder a genuine interaction. Being fully present and mindful is as useful here as it is in other areas where it’s commonly suggested.
Often when we’re faced with a new task, project, or initiative, our first instinct is to think about all the things that could go wrong. While some of that is necessary, it doesn’t have to be first. If the first things we focus on are all the ways it can work and what we need to do to make it work, it better prepares us to then consider the obstacles, rather than the other way around. If we approach something with the attitude that it is absolutely possible and strategize from that mindset, not only will fewer obstacles present themselves, the hurdles are so much lower because we’re already sure we can create the desired outcome.
Just be your real self. It doesn’t serve anyone, least of all you, to deny your personal truths to try to fit in. If you’re not fitting in as your authentic self, what’s the point? It’s a lot less work to maintain the real you than to keep up a facade. Let yourself be who you truly are and you’ll fit into the spaces you belong. And, I’ll bet you find you belong in more spaces than you anticipated. I know this isn’t always easy. But it’s possible, it’s less exhausting, it’s a more fulfilling existence.
What was the most impactful thing your parents did for you?
I like having the opportunity to answer this question, as my parents passed very recently- my Dad in May 2022 and my mother in May 2023. So even though I mentioned my Dad earlier, I love this as the closing question right now.
I’ll keep it short. All through growing up, I was the child who wanted to try EVERYTHING. One of the most impactful things my mother did was let me. When it came to after school and extra curricular activities, she never said no. When I wanted to raise money for myself by having a bake sale, or crocheting and selling small items, she supported that. When I started acting and in my late teens it looked like that was the career I was headed toward, she never discouraged me. It really helped me feel like I could do literally anything.
I’m repeating myself about my Dad, but it truly cannot be overstated: he made me believe I mattered. Not just to him, but in the world. He didn’t create some unrealistic expectation that I should have of the world- but somehow helped me understand that I had every right to exist and take up space. That who I am and what I have to offer was valuable and valued. It’s beautiful to me because I know it wasn’t exactly intentional. It was just what he thought of me, always.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.elanaelyce.net
- Instagram: @elanaelyce
- Facebook: @elanaelyce
- Other: www.thechicagoinclusionproject.org
Image Credits
Brave Lux = Joe Mazza
