We recently connected with Elizabeth Barbour and have shared our conversation below.
Elizabeth, we sincerely appreciate you joining us today and agreeing to talk about some very personal topics. So, to kick things off, let’s talk about a tough one – divorce. Can you talk to us about how you overcame divorce?
I’ve been divorced twice. My first divorce was from my high school sweetheart and we’d only been married for about five years. He ended the marriage and I was devastated. It took me years of soul searching with the help of therapists and spiritual healers to help me move past my victim mentality (” he did this to me!”) and claim responsibility for my contributions to the end of our relationship. I can see clearly now the gifts of that experience but at the time I was mired in anger, resentment and never-ending grief.
Then, two years ago, my beloved husband of 17 years and I made the mutual decision to complete our marriage. It was also devastating but for different reasons. We are raising a daughter together and the pain mostly came from dismantling the dream of being a “happily ever after family of 3”. We had been in marriage therapy on and off over the course of our marriage to help us navigate challenging times and we did couples counseling before, during and after our separation to make sure that we both had the support we needed as we made this big life change. Above all, we wanted to make sure our daughter knows how much we love her and put her needs at the forefront of our decision making.
As it turns out, this change has been positive for all three of us. We continue to be kind, caring and loving toward one another. We are each living more authentic lives, our daughter can see how much happier we are and we still spend quality family time together including holidays and vacations. It’s been two years now since we initially separated and we continue to be dear friends who are invested in each other’s lives. Instead of going our separate ways, we reconfigured our family dynamic and it’s been a win-win for everyone concerned.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I’ve been an intuitive life + business coach for 23 years helping my clients navigate all sorts of life transitions. My work has been centered on building a self-care foundation and my first book, available on Kindle, is called “Smart Self-Care for Busy Women: 20 Lessons to Find the “Me Time” You Keep Putting Off. Initially, women entrepreneurs and professionals were hiring me to help them find better work-life balance but what they were really seeking was intuitive support and spiritual guidance to navigate important changes and big losses in their lives. My training as a shamanic practitioner adds a layer of depth and fresh perspective to our work together.
Weeks after my mother and stepfather died unexpectedly ten days apart in April of this year, I was in a head-on collision on May 8th and had a Near Death Experience (NDE). I left my body, saw the outline of the tunnel of white light that people talk about and thought to myself “this is it!” I was calm, peaceful and surrendered. Then an image of my 12-year old daughter popped into my head and my soul slammed back into my body. When my car came to a stop, I miraculously was able to extricate myself from the wreck and live to tell about it. I suffered a moderate concussion and was physically very beat up but I’ve had an incredible amount of clarity about my life and my purpose in recent months after these two big life events.
We are all walking around with so much trauma and so much pain. Part of the human experience is suffering significant losses – whether it be the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a divorce or an unexpected health diagnosis. Helping people to navigate these experiences of grief with purpose and intention – and find the glimmers of light and hope in the darkness – is a big part of what I’m here to do. My next book will be published in November and it’s called “Sacred Celebrations: Designing Rituals to Navigate Life’s Milestone Transitions.” The stories and practical guidelines teach you how to design your own rituals to celebrate life’s great joys and honor life’s deepest losses. I also have a jewelry line of Sacred Celebrations gemstone bracelets that serve as talismans for navigating change.
When I witness my clients through times of struggle and empower them to develop their resilience, it’s magical to watch them months or years later emerge as happier, healthier, more balanced individuals. It is my great joy and honor to do this work and partner with others on their journeys. This life is so very precious and we never know when it might be cut short, so we need to live it to the fullest.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
The three words that come to mind are connection, community and celebration. When we are deeply connected to Self, Others and Spirit, we live our lives in the flow. This involves a level of trust and surrender that takes time and effort to cultivate. (I’m in my 50s and still working on it!) Learning to live in community has incredible benefits of feeling loved, supported, nurtured and held during good times and bad ones. Being connected with individuals, groups and organizations gives us a sense of purpose and greater meaning to our lives and helps us to belong. And celebration is something we don’t do enough of in our society! We need to celebrate everything big and small because when we pause to acknowledge ourselves or another, there is a powerful level of witnessing that occurs that helps us to feel seen and valued.
Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?
When I feel overwhelmed, I open up my self-care tool box and see what I need that day. Spending time in Nature is always at the top of my list. When the world is crazy and chaotic, a hike in the cool mountains or walking barefoot on the sand near the ocean is about as healing as you can get! Spending time with friends or family who I can be real with satisfies my need, as an extrovert, to feel connected and loved. When I can’t get outside or get to other people, going inward is always a good choice. Meditation, prayer and shamanic journeying are my staple go-tos. Talking with my ancestors at my ancestral altar is another meaningful way to ground my life experience and remember that there were generations before me that experienced hardships only to survive and ultimately thrive.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.elizabethbarbour.com
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/elizabthbarbour
- Facebook: www.facebook.com/elizabethbarbour
- Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/elizabethbarbour
Image Credits
Wendy Solomon Kelly Sweet Jensen
